Kidman is Buying the Press...

So, Perez Hilton got an inside tip from Camp Kidman that the fetus has a penis. We heard that it was a girl and in the long run it doesn't matter, as long as it is healthy. But what is disturbing is that Hilton, who has been a long time Kidman thorn seems to have been purchased. Are we naive to think that Mario was on some kind of pedestal that he was untouchable?

No, the man is self made and has cut deals before and we all know that his reputation is dwindling in gossip circles. What is so incredible is how blatant the blurb was. No snarky comment, no nothing. Well, well, well. Just like a certain photo web site, Hilton will learn that once it is known the pockets are filled with Kidman’s green you become untrustworthy and suspect.

When you read a gossip column or go to a site what are you looking for? I look for something that sounds unusual. I look for something that strikes me as familiar so that I can relate to the subject at hand. That seems like it’s a conflicting search. It is not, it’s building on the information we already have.

Speaking of information, Keith released You Look Good in My Shirt as his latest single. They said it is tied into the release of the Live DVD, but since that isn't due out until September or October, it’s doubtful that is true. What is true, however, is that Keith needs something fresh and new on the radio. The song is six years old, but unless you are a long time Keith fan, the rerecorded version will sound new on the radio. It’s a fun song too; it’s a bit sad for all of us long time Keith fans remembering how sexy he used to be, but until he wakes up and faces reality we are stuck. Stuck with a nice summer song that will bomb like nobody's business.

I was traveling around various country music sites and I was amazed at how many shots are never seen by the public. On one site I found a number of pictures of Keith and Kidman with various bigwigs. From the CMA’s there was the picture of Kidman and Keith with the head of the MTV networks. At every awards show there always seems to be a shot of Kidman talking to the President of Capitol Nashville. Wonder what that conversation was about?

Considering it was Kidman, it wasn't very deep. Keith however seems very much into impressing these people either by flaunting the movie star wife or by looking like he is humbled by these encounters. Note to Keith: the ass is on the other end and you need to kiss that to salvage respect in the industry. But business is business, be it showing off for the bosses or the buying off a gossip maven.

Batten the Hatches...

There is a story running around that Kidman is yet again playing the sympathy card. This time about the two children that were acquired during her first marriage to her one true love; seems that they don't want to spend time with her and the new hubby. Wonder why?

Doesn't it say something that those two children don't want to spend time with her? Doesn't it say something that she is already putting a lot of pressure for the “child inside” to fulfill her fantasy of a family?

Keith said in an interview that she really wants to be a mother again. I guess I didn't really understand what he meant until now. Well, to be a mother again she had to be one in the first place and all indications are she really wasn't. These children were acquired for their father’s purposes. Just as Kidman was; although Kidman wasn't a child and knew the score. She knew what she was getting into but I do believe she loved the guy and wanted what he did.

So at 23, she became a mother. I guess she was too pampered and too indulged, and with her insecurity and paranoia she wasn't able to tap into that mothering vibe women get. Perhaps it’s because she had such a stiff and formal relationship with her own mother that she wasn't able to create the nurturing atmosphere that those children needed to have. They were simply props and the reality is they are actually human beings and have feelings and needs and desires and after awhile being a prop can get old, as does being around the one that treats you like that.

My question then is why does Kidman think that she is any better able to mother this baby that will be showing up soon?

Kidman in so many ways is a child herself. Her life is one series of arranged situations in which she plays a part. Be it a premiere or an awards show, going to dinner with the spouse or sitting backstage at a show when he’s performing. It’s not about what it is, it’s about what it means to be seen doing that. It’s something Kidman has been doing for years. I saw recently a story about her one true loveand his comeback to Hollywood and they showed footage over the years of him and Kidman on the red carpet. She acted the same way she does with Keith now. Putting her arms around his neck, acting coy and demure, smiling and making sure the camera people get a good angle; even arriving at the last minute. I guess Keith was too busy all those years making a name for himself to notice, but his wife is a fraud. She is not a good enough actress nor is she sincere enough to be believable and the sad thing is Keith may now be aware of how ill equipped she is to function in the real world that exists beyond the movie cameras and beyond the red carpet; but that little child isn't getting a chance. That child will be used as prop just as she uses her family, Keith's career, Keith, and her declining status as an A-lister to push an image - that while fulfilling her ego does little to make a difference. Keith Urban's child deserves better than Nicole Kidman for a mother. There we said what you all knew we would. Show us where we are wrong.

People Magazine isn't worth it's reputation...

What started off as a new concept in journalism in 1974, People magazine has now become little more that a publicist site. In the early days, the magazine while doing articles on celebrities, also did some interesting articles on regular people and regular events. In the last 34 years, People has evolved to being something that involves a lot of money and little facts. Oh, and stories about how much better off we are after we lose weight and get surgery.

Take the Kidmans for example. This week’s People has a picture of Keith playing at the ACM's. The caption is “Keith serenades Nicole”. What crap! Kidman was nowhere near him when he played. In fact he said she was on the bus and he made a face while he did it. That is probably why Kidman's wonks rewrote the entire event as being Kidman centered and not about Keith at all.

The entire relationship, wedding, honeymoon, rehab, post rehab and pregnancy has all been about what NICOLE KIDMAN and her hired help want you to believe, not about the truth. And People is guilty of not being journalistic. Yep, that’s right. People magazine is no more of a magazine than is a press release for a star.

Why did this happen? Because People is expensive to maintain. They are part of the Time/Life empire and so there is an expectation that they must be high quality; add to that the power of the celebrity. It’s like a cancer if you think about it. A star is created; they are made a star because we are told they are worthy of attention then because they are given power they play that power with People. If People had real journalists you might not see the first picture of the wedding or the baby or the new mansion. Because the celebrity knows that People won't challenge the status quo; they then give People access and in turn the public turns to People.

So what can you do? Don't buy People. Ignore it. I sound a little like Keith Urban ordering all his fans not to read the tabloids, but I don't have that power. I have an opinion, and I can see how damaging the entire star making machinery can be. You can see it too if you have followed this nightmare that is known as the Kidmans for any time now. Put People magazine in its place. Because while People has power and the stars have power the consumer also has power. Use a little of it.

Freedom of the Press?

We at Urban Myths are sad to see that a certain entertainment reporter pulled the "Is Keith Still a Guy" video from his website after just 12+ hours. The rumor is that the KU fans got to him, but... just a few emails from the ones who believe in the fairytale couldn't have made him succumb, could they? Don't think so.

Was there pressure on him from the ones who have influence and power?

From the ones who have paps beaten and steal their cameras for 24 hours?

From the ones who must control every iota of information about them out there?

From the ones who say they are engaged then not engaged; are getting married then not getting married; then actually get married two weeks later?

From the ones who say she is pregnant; not pregnant; and pregnant again in a week's time?

What happened to freedom of the press? I guess money buys that too. Sad.

Of Nudity, Falling Asleep in Public and Wearing Skirts too Short... The Urbans in Los Angeles!

First, Dear Nicole, sweet mummy to be: Some of us actually believed at first that you were pregnant. We even said so. So do us all a favor and please, please, please, don’t pose nude pregnant. Don't get us wrong, the pregnant woman is a very beautiful being. But you as a pregnant woman are not. Maybe you took our April Fools blog seriously, but this isn't a good idea. If you want a hoot go to crazydaysandnights.net and read what Ent. Lawyer has to say.

Second, because it happened again, perhaps dear Nicole, you should stay at home. What happened again? She fell asleep while her husband was playing. Monday night Keith joined his old closing act Bryan Adams and legend Bonnie Raitt on stage at the Roxy in LA. Of course there are a lot of videos on the web of this event and Keith looked and sounded good but there wasn't enough attention given to the missus; and the paps were tipped off that they were there (by Kidman and her wonks no doubt) and we got to see lovely shots of Keith's hand as he gripped that ever present clear bottle and Kidman’s beat up hand. To me it looked like the water bottle was more important.

What was notable in this picture was the dress Kidman was wearing with one of her granny wear accessories. Be it a scarf or a shawl, Kidman is always prepared. What a dress this was. Maroon and short. We were seeing parts of Kidman that only her gynecologist sees and it wasn't pretty. Why does Kidman insist on being the sluttiest mom to be out there? She should take some lessons from some of the younger gals, Christina, Jessica and Gwen. These and most of the other new crop of mothers know how to dress. Kidman, as we know, has age issues; she can't decide if she is a Madonna in training or Madonna. You are not either; give it up and stay at home.

Finally, a special shout out to Nashville's own Jimmy Carter who has placed the Is Keith Still a Guy video on his web site (askjimmycarter.com). Jimmy you are the man!

Queer Eye for the Keith Guy

Carson could hardly believe his eyes! As he sat in front of the TV watching the ACM Awards, he saw a man in a three-piece suit – and cream colored, at that! Could it really be? No, it wasn't, was it? Yes, it was Keith Urban!

Keith, it seems, has changed. At one time, he seemed so comfortable, relaxed. But since the Queen of Oz came into his life, all things Keith were no more. No offense to lesbian women, but what Keith needed in his life were some sensible gay men to get him back on track. His women-loving wife obviously just lacked the style to pull him together. Enter, the Fab Five….

The Fab Five have teamed up again to try to bring all things hip to Keith Urban. The team, made up of an interior designer, fashion stylist, chef, beauty guru, and a "concierge of cool", led by Carson, met with Keith recently at his new home while the Mrs. was away. They really had their work cut out for them! Carson noticed the differences right away, starting in Keith's new home. Gone was any sense of Keith Urban style. It had all been replaced by cold slate, glass – anything loved by an ice Queen.

First up was Thom, the interior designer. Surely, Keith remembered the home he once loved; the one where he had brought women for a shower and swim in his pool. This was a home that he had dreamed of for a very long time. He had his studio in the dining room because well, Keith just wasn't a formal person. He had no pretentious gate around his house and no 24-hour security, yet he couldn't have felt more secure because he had worked so hard for this place and it was all his own – everything Keith. It was decorated beautifully and he had had a hand in it all. Thom whirled around Keith's house on cloud nine. He brought in this, got rid of that, and quickly was able to turn this huge, cold, stark mansion into a home fit for and loved by Keith Urban, including a studio to help Keith find his muse – and yes, it was properly located in the dining room! The final touch was to remove the large portrait of Nicole above the fireplace, and replace it with a great one he once had adorning his old fireplace, of Mr. Marley.

Next up was Ted, the chef. The days of salads, health food, tofu, and the rest were over for Keith. Keith's taste buds were nearly damaged, Ted could tell, from the lack of variety he had been allowed to eat over the last couple years. Ted quickly ran around Keith's newly redecorated kitchen and taught him how to blend spices to make one of the best cheeseburgers and some sushi; two foods which really don't go together but are Keith's former faves.

Enter Kyan, the beauty guru, who came to Keith's rescue. Keith, Keith, what have you done to your hair? Gone were the long locks that all of the women loved, and they were replaced by a short, helmet-shaped "do". No wonder Keith was turning away heads. Fans used to flock at his feet. Now, he was having a hard time getting anything on the side. Here he thought all along it was just because his wife was pregnant. Kyan's first job was to add some extensions of real hair, to lengthen his style back to the days of Golden Road. Then, Kyan added just a few highlights in the perfect places. He suggested Keith grow out his scruff a bit more and he took him to a tattoo parlor, quite famous in Nashville. Keith came out with two small initials removed from his wrist, and a full tribal sleeve on his arm, sans any name. The very last step, was a few quick squirts of Dolce and Gabbana, so he'd smell just like he used to!

Next to assist was the fashion stylist, Carson himself. First, Carson laid out an old pair of boots. Next came some tight fitting True Religions with a wallet chain draped across the leg. Carson then went to find a nice shirt. He first found an old white t-shirt of which many of the ladies were fond. This is the one that had a tiny hole where his nipple occasionally popped through. On second thought, his attempt wasn't to make the ladies melt; just to keep their interest. He put that one aside and laid out a nice khaki button-down instead. All ladies love Keith in a button-down! Add a thick sock to help Keith show off his package, since it seems to have been shriveling as of late, and a nice beaded bracelet from Ireland and Keith was almost set. "Notice, Keith, that I laid out no boxers for you," said Carson. "Yeah, what's up with that, mate?" "Well, you used to love going commando, so I am taking you clean back to your natural beginning, Keith", he said with a smile, viusalizing what Keith's 'natural beginnning and his ending' must look like. One last touch was added as well – Keith's missing third earring, and voila!

The last to enter for help was Jai, the concierge of cool. Jai's job was to de-dorkify Keith Urban. Jai retaught Keith how to walk. Keith had been photographed lately, walking like a hunched over farmer in a plain t-shirt with his wife. There were also photos of him looking all dorky while riding a horse. This turned off many women, so Jai has his work cut out for him. Jai retaught Keith how to be "cool". They worked on shoulder rolls and foot-stomping and even rolling around on stage with a woman instead of stealing another artist's idea and giving away a guitar. Jai liked the rolling around on stage and enjoyed playing the part of the woman with Keith Urban, so he suggested they practice that part one more time!

Finally, Keith looked the part. He looked just like Keith Urban, and nothing like Keith Kidman. All things skanky were gone from his life. It wasn't hard to do, since she had no photos of her children in their home. They removed a few items of clothing, but since she REALLY didn't ever live in Nashville, that meant throwing a small suitcase quickly to the curb. Her portrait was saved, since Keith knew she would want to take that with her wherever she went. Keith was dressed to the part, he had the right food, his home was comfortable, he smelled good and sported a new package, and he acted spontaneous. He even had his muse and sat to write a new song about the changes in his life, as the Fab Five began to pack their bags. They knew their job was done; Keith was ready.

The five gay men sat in front of their monitor and watched as Keith quickly laid out his new outfit for the evening, then ran to whip up the cheeseburger and sushi he was taught to make earlier in the day. He threw on his clothes just before lighting the candles in his newly redecorated kitchen. He spritzed on the Dolce and Gabbana, just as he was taught to do, and went to the door. In walked a beautiful brunette that Carson had chosen from the ACM crowd the night before. The men relished what they had done, as they watched them eat dinner, and then listened as Keith sang his newly written song to her (which by the way, they knew would be a hit, and it had nothing to do with "Sunshine"). It wasn't long before Keith took her on a tour of his home. It was beautiful. The camera crew followed into the bedroom and the boys realized that their job was complete! Completely on his own, Keith had added a few thoughtful touches of his own. As the camera scanned the room, Carson noticed a small jar of shea butter on the nightstand, next to a bag of M&Ms. Yes, the old Keith was back. Just as the camera began to fade, they could hear the faint sound of a shower running in the background……

Yes, ladies, the Fab Five had done it again. They had de-dorkified Keith Urban. He is well on his way to writing hits for you again and will be welcomed again in Nashville with loving arms. Most importantly, his MUSE is back, and really, that's the greatest attraction! You will all see him accepting awards next year at the ACMs, making much more of a statement in something other than a three-piece suit!

Before Intervention:
After Intervention:

We Just Like Your Company, Too...

If you are expecting a “Keith, you are a loser” blog you aren't going to get one here today. He did good singing a song he never performed in public before with the lovely Sarah Buxton grabbing on to him from time to time in the song. Are you drawing a blank here? We are talking about the ACM Awards last night. Keith had to follow Garth Brooks, not an easy thing to do, and he was stuck in the middle of the crowd to perform a song that if you build your courage and listen to Love Is Painful and the Rest of the Crap CD, you can hear he had real trouble in the recording of the high notes. Last night the man carried it off and while he was wearing the stage uniform it was a hell of a lot better looking than the Tom Ford suit he was forced to wear on the carpet and in the audience. I bet Ford would have slapped him silly to see that he took off the jacket at one point and rolled up his sleeves much to the chagrin of the little missus. Keith Urban could dress himself pretty well for the first 38 years of his life. I wish the wife would have let him do it last night. Instead we got a sexless Tom Wolfe wanna be.

The main focus of the blog today is Kidman. Her trying to either rub her crotch or pimp the bump was quite unsuccessful. The dress was alright, she might have been looking at Angelina from Cannes earlier in the week to get her inspiration, but the bland color matched her coloring. I love, love, love that she had her press wonks write that she stole the show from the other artists. No way, no how. Nobody paid any attention to her. It was rather funny to watch. No one kissed her ass but Keith, but he is paid to do that. There was no love between her and rare seat mate Carrie Underwood. When Carrie won her award she turned her back to Keith and Kidman and stepped up those stairs to thank God. Kidman at various times during the telecast looked like she did backstage in Australia, bored, tired and clearly out of it. Perhaps she got tired earlier in the day in Santa Monica when she spent the day in a spinning class? Or was it the flight to Vegas to join Keith just in time to go to the red carpet? For you see, Mr. Urban had the weekend off to enjoy Vegas and all it offers. And the stories are out there that in the past Mr. Urban knew exactly how to enjoy Vegas. So the awards weren’t about Keith at all; it was a fly in photo op to promote the family Urban and the royal birth. And damn it, Nicole had to sit through that dreadful music, too!

Where in the World is Keith's Muse?

We have received word that the Muse is taking an extended holiday and will be sending in cards from a variety of exotic locations looking for a place to land. Here is the first one we received.

Timing is Everything!

While Ms. Kidman was having lunch with her dear, dear Nashville buddies, the press release for upcoming shows for the Grand Ole Opry was released. If you look at the line up, nowhere does it say Keith Urban is playing the Opry Tuesday evening.

By Monday it was all over the place, and Keith's web site had ticket information. Interesting, wasn't it? Why not publish it ahead of time? Why not let more people attend? Or was this even about playing the Opry? It seems that by Friday of this week a story was about to hit the newsstands in the National Enquirer that would blow the facade apart. You know the facade? The “we are just simple folks who love Nashville and love to go to the little restaurants and hobnob with the locals”.

According to the article Keith and Kidman were in a restaurant in Crossville, TN on May 5th. Well, not really in a restaurant. They strolled in to place an order to go. Only it seems, Kidman didn't to eat the restaurant’s food. The article goes into great detail about what happened. Needless to say, Our Nic was in fine form, and after Keith told her to keep her voice down, she stormed out. Fine incident over, right? No. She continued the rant in the parking lot. She wanted to eat in privacy, everyone was staring at her in the restaurant, she allegedly yelled. Keith followed her out and at some point tired of her and in his frustration he got in the car to leave. He had forgotten his order. The manager brought it out to him and picked up the check. They left without even a thank you.

One week and one day later. Keith Urban performs one of the stupidest songs of his career on stage at the Opry. Full of devotion, love and faithfulness the song was said by many to be the equivalent of cotton candy and many were shocked at how awful it was. He also performed an “over the top” version of Making Memories of Us, a song he used to sing for the fans but it got associated with Kidman when she supposedly asked Keith to sing it at their wedding. Are we reaching to say there seems to be some pieces to a puzzle, but no reason as to why there would be a puzzle?

That mystery was solved on the newsstands today with the newest issue of the National Enquirer. There is the story of the melt down on page three. Generally when a story is going to run someone doing PR will get a copy for a reaction, or they will be told that a story is running in a certain issue. So that is why Keith sang to ode to the queen. That is why he made his fans suffer through another worthless performance dedicated to the queen. Maybe it’s because she is pregnant and he didn't want her upset or maybe he likes the $600K he supposedly is getting every year to stay with her. In any case, Keith calls her his ‘sun’; just remember that if you get too close to the sun you disappear. For Keith, that seems to have already happened.

Here's the article from http://s267.photobucket.com/albums/ii302/UMythsTabloidHound/:

NASHVILLE... dateline May 2008

On Mother's Day, Kidman was spotted in a Nashville bookstore buying a copy of Your Pregnancy Week by Week. Keith bought a trivial book about being a father. Later in the day Kidman was having a quiet lunch with friends. Of course, by “friends” that means her paid employees. Sad, but the only two women she is supposedly close to, her sister and Naomi Watts, have barely been seen with her.

That means Keith got the afternoon off, so that is great! He needs to be able to have some breathing room and perhaps with all those breakfasts, lunches and dinners they have been spotted having, Keith probably needs to work out. Remember last year on Mother’s Day when they were in Australia? While she was at his show in his hometown? All that gushing from Keith about how they went to a make-out spot? The night before he had every member of his family at a show and a photo shoot showed how happy he was. That was the last time he was publicly seen with his parents. His wife was nowhere to be found. I doubt Keith is separated from his family. He probably has visited them quite often, but off the radar. For you see, the world must see Kidman and Keith as family, and it started on that week back in Oz. For Mother's Day 2007, Keith gave Kidman two roses for each of her children. They weren't there. They were in Los Angeles with their father and other mother. That’s the same place they were this year. Interesting how her one true love can have the happy family picture anytime he wants, and Kidman gets nothing like that. Well not yet. This year has been spent establishing the Kidman/Urban family. Right now just two, but soon the third, and most important member will appear. June, July or August? Who knows, but the baby will become the focus. The family Kidman is more important than even their careers.

Speaking of careers, Keith played the Grand Old Opry this week. Of course the Tuesday night show isn't as important as the weekend shows, but Keith doesn't have that power any more. Last Saturday, Miss Underwood played the Opry and became a member. Of course, Garth Brooks presented her and somehow that all fits. Many who were there on Tuesday noticed how Keith's voice was shot and that there was little crowd involvement. Keith did debut a new song about how he was weak and incomplete, but her sunshine showed him the way. I am starting to think that either Keith has been grooving on another or he is the most dependant, addicted person in the world. The most telling thing about the Opry appearance is that Keith forgot the words to Better Life, a song that he sang almost every night while he was on tour. So the surprise visit to the Opry, he was not on the schedule as of Monday evening, was for what reason? On Sunday, Keith will play the ACM’s.

That will complete the Kidman showing at all the major music events in Keith's life. Starting with the 2006 Grammy Awards, the Arias, CMA and CMT awards, we have seen the family Kidman.

They are still in Nashville. Being seen but rarely photographed. Why? Because it’s still important to keep up the Nashville facade. Will the baby be born there? No. But like the message he had on Monkeyville, where he thanked everyone for coming to see him on tour and said he was writing and gearing up for a future tour, he has to keep his foot in Nashville. I am in a quandary trying to understand who is keeping who there. Keith does love the city but how much of it is he even experiencing because Kidman is calling all the shots? We also know about her lukewarm feelings for the city. But yet they stay. My only guess is that they are still there because once they leave they aren't coming back any time soon.

So let's watch the next few days and see where all of this will lead. I have a feeling once they leave Vegas this weekend they are flying west and on to the royal birth.