A letter to Nicole Kidman Cruise Urban

Dear Nicole,

According to Keith, you are going to be on the road with him this November. How sweet. I am so glad that you want to share Keith's stage experience with his fans. I am sure Keith and the band and the crew are so very happy about this. I would like to point out a few things that you might not be aware of, just so you know.

First, your presence creates quite a lot of stir. People come to look at you. They don't really enjoy the show because they are looking for you. Nicole spotting, last done in the states in late 2005, ruined a number of shows for those of us who were there to enjoy Keith and his music.

Mrs. Kidman Cruise Urban, you may not be aware of it, but there are a number of people who are there to see your husband. They aren't there to see you. Does that shock you? I bet dear beautiful, beautiful princess it does, but many people are there to support your husband.

Second, many people on this leg of the tour are there to see the opening act. Yes, Gary Allan has his own fans and will be playing for the first hour. I realize that you have never heard of him, nor will you probably meet him at all on the tour, but Mr. Allan is well known in his own right and deserves to be respected and not subjugated to a mere mention in a review because Nicole was spotted with a snow-cone and her newly large lips turned blue, and she was oh so cute.

Third, what is the real point of coming on the road with Keith Urban? You don't like his music do you? Oh, that’s right he is your husband and you are there to support him. Yeah right. We are savvy enough to know that its time for the Keith and Nicole Love One Another Tour ‘07. Yes, every review, every article will be about seeing Nicole, hearing Keith sing to Nicole, where Nicole sat (generally around the sound board or in the right corner by the stage and she comes in around the third song) and what was she wearing.

I bet People will be there to share the love. But what isn't realized is that when the Missus is along there are lots of hassles. Keith becomes less accessible by spending time with his bride or because her security detail doesn't allow it. Security gets too tight and even opening acts are denied access to backstage areas because the beautiful, beautiful princess is getting her lips injected or whatever it is you do back there.

Finally, and most importantly, Keith does not give good shows when you are there. Just to remind you, I am paying to see him. Not you. Not your marriage, not a dedication. I am paying to see his show, to hear his music. I don't want to lose that connection because he can't get it up enough to do a good show. Look at the Australian shows, Keith really didn't have the interaction nor the joy he usually has at the shows you attended. The audience was treated to spewed crap from Keith about Aussie make-out places and verbiage about Frankie Valli and his music. It becomes all about the relationship and less about the music.

You are as boring as a couple as he is exciting as a performer. Your presence lessens the excitement of seeing Keith. Why is this happening now? Is it because many noticed how Keith was flying back and forth, but yet where the hell where you? Is it because there are rumors that some things are not so perfect with the most boring middle aged couple in the world? Is there going to be an appearance on Oprah? Well, whatever it is, who really cares? It’s not like you have a cute little Suri with you.

I was going to go to Chicago but hearing that you will be there, well, frankly I am not going to waste my money.

Keith, when she is gone I will be back. Until then all of your fans will have to make their choices about what to do with their money. I will spend what I was going to spend to see you and buy Kenny and Garth's new CD's. I don't want to waste my time and money on the world of Keith Urban's personal life and lies.