Thanks Nicole, You Made it Easy For Us

We lived through the pasty one and her bought and paid for husband at the Oscars - at least the pictures say the Oscars and we did actually see her come out and give out a special Oscar but did they ever play it safe. No throng on the red carpet. No meet and greets with her peers. The red-eyed, pulled, and stretched former Oscar winner came with only a few minutes to spare joined by the man who used to be known as Keith Urban. Kidman only talked to a reporter for a second before going into a full pose and bend and stretch to pimp out the bump that seemed to have stalled in its growth. Kidman usually can get a whole year of photos in the tabs by what she wears to the Oscars, but not in the gown she wore last night. Some have said she was matronly while others have said she played it conservative because of the "child inside her".

Whatever and why ever she did what she did, she looked old. Not older but old. I think she may have wanted to go the Princess Grace route but she was trying for the young Grace and what she got was the bloated old Grace before the tumble in the sedan. Kidman didn't look good or even healthy, she looked old.

Check out some of the pictures of her on the carpet. She had more wrinkles than my sister’s Shar Pei. The guy she gave the award to was turned on but I think breathing probably turns him on too, so I don't count his opinion. The fetus didn't even take attention away from our Nic; it was concealed in a fitted gown. Damn it Nicole, we wanted you to sit in the audience too. I wanted to get at least five or six blogs out of you and Keith sitting in the audience, but you had to stay backstage. Your spokesperson said you were sick. Oh, so sad to hear that. Wasn't sickness the reason you stayed away from the Grammy’s too? Was being late also a way to not have the attention taken away from you and toward the man who used to be Keith Urban? One of those pesky journalists might have asked him about winning that second Grammy. Did that scare you?

As for Keith, the man is losing his fight with mortality. Be it with his hair, height (loved the stilt shoes Keith) or in his demeanor. Keith is a walking middle aged man. My how sex-on-two-legs has become such a sad, sad creature. Stopping and walking away from her so the photographers can get their shots. He is well fed, well paid and well trained and well, so over.

Now you are probably wondering if there is dirt. Since they didn't seem to go to any of the parties we won't get too much, but many watching them on the red carpet noticed that there was an air of tension, a sense of anger between them. You will never see that. They have the poses down so well and perhaps that is why they stayed in the back and not in the audience, or why earlier in the day Keith was eating alone in a hotel restaurant. For in those photos everything looks A-ok.One positive thing about all of this is that with the exception of her well timed photo ops, we won't see the skank until the spawning of the fetus and by that time will anyone care? So thanks, Nicole, have a safe ride back to the land that adores you.