Urban Myths Music Festival - Closing Day

Wow, what a great weekend. Thanks to all of you for coming to enjoy our special music presented by very talented songwriters. Hopefully you didn't get sunburned and won't be hungover on Monday. The Crown Royal booth apologizes for running out of Crown. Apparently an Oompa-Loompa looking fellow wearing various disguises all weekend had more than his share. The M&M's booth apologizes for running out of green M&M's. The same Oompa-Loompa was seen frequenting that booth as well, with a buxom blonde in tow. Sit back and enjoy the finale of the festival.... until next time. Thank you for your support.

Keith’s Celebrity Song
(to the tune of Brad Paisley’s Celebrity)

My wife has helped make me famous, do I have talent, well yeah
But I didn’t want to wait til I made it…so I whored myself to the paps.
I gave up a supermodel, and I decided to sue my self
Already got caught screwing Amanda…and ended up in rehab

[1st Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
It means your new reality
Makes you act just like a fool
As you lead your pasty jewel
Out past the paparazzi
She can throw a major fit
If the gowns just don’t quite fit
When she uses some botox
Brushes her graying thinning locks
And the pressures that go with
Being a celebrity

She’ll whine to Oprah Winfrey about her divorce and her lover, Tommy C
She’s box office poison, and she was photographed snoozing
At one of my shows…she’s not too keen on me
She’s lovin the paps, her movies always the craps and still her price goes up

[2nd Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
You get lots of great stuff for free
You can pretend you’re Bono
Even though you don’t really go
To help out any charity
My wife’s arrogant and rude
She’s lesbian…sure no prude
She bleaches the freckles off her skin
Pretends to have a child within
But in truth she’s just a dude and she loves…
Being a celebrity

[Bridge]

So let's thumb our nose at Nashville and head down under
To our home where Nic’s queen and they love her every blunder.
We'll be real arrogant jackass millionaires
Hey, hey, Hollywood, here we come

[3rd Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
You don’t end up with integrity
You pretend to truly love each other
Though I really love another
I’m sick of pretending for the press…
My wife’s always controllin’ me
My balls are in a jar, for all to see
GQ says I’m pussy whipped
I’ve lost my personality…busy
Being a celebrity

Yes…I’m sick of trying to make her happy
Painting her toenails beige is pretty sappy
I’m tired of holding her great white bag
She’s a pasty smelly hag
And she loves…being a celebrity

Skankypants Lyrics, LTD.