Bewitched, Bothered or Bewildered?

Have you ever heard the lyrics to the theme song of Bewitched?

Bewitched, Bewitched, you got me in your spell
Bewitched, Bewitched, you know your craft so well

How many of you feel that way about your partner? How many of you have those little side glances and inside looks that only the two of you know the meaning? Well, you can't say that about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban can you? There is no chemistry at all. Every look and glance is scripted; every forehead touching is on a mark. After observing these two for the past few years you don't even have to guess that they don't bump uglies in the night.

Kidman would have you believe otherwise; she ran to the People reporter at the New York premiere of the epic and went on and on about how her husband is the sexiest man in the world, not Hugh Jackman. And there is this new planted story that Keith is jealous of the steamy love scenes. An ill-timed attempt at a kiss is an indication that she finds him suitable as an escort and that’s about it.

There is some speculation as to why she went on and on about Keith. Was it because she screwed up a basic Q & A presented to her by David Letterman? Was it because there are rumors that there is trouble in her marriage; that perhaps his or her head was turned by another? Is it because a love story was supposed to sell her epic and her own love story needed to be as strong at the one in the epic?

Kidman knows about showing the sort of tease and tickle needed to sell a relationship to the masses. She was able to do it in droves with her one true love. She even showed it when she was dating Lenny. But she has never been able to show it with Keith. Do you wonder why?

Keith Urban is a sexy man. Anyone who has been around and seen his rise to fame knows that his sexiness and his sensuousness have all been marketed to the hilt in making him a star. The ‘tragic romantic’ he called himself recently in an interview, was that a commentary on his current relationship? He tries to act as though she is the be all and end all. He looks at her and they have that hand grab thing. At a hockey game in Nashville he put his arms around her from behind and she literally cringed. That’s a long way from the time Kidman rode piggy back on her one true love as they departed a plane. They don't look happy.

Does happiness really matter, however? For you see, we are supposed to be jealous because Kidman is the one he married. The woman he waited his whole life for; she does have his only child, too. If you were living in a fantasy that Keith Urban was going to give you the time of day - that was part of the marketing plan. He might have had a one-nighter but those days are now over. It was time for him to be married because being 37 and not publicly in a relationship either made you a man-ho or gay, and well, you know how people are. Kidman was the fix that was needed. However, no one really buys them as a couple. People who have seen them either lie because they like one or both of them, or feel Kidman can do something for them since she is a Hollywood star and so much more than most of us, and she bought Keith.

I guess it comes down to there being no chemistry, because why should there be? This relationship that is being sold as a great love story is really nothing more than a business relationship that made one party more famous and the other one sustainable as a star for a few more years. They may have some affection for one another, they may even be friends, but let’s face it - they have no sexual chemistry. If you have any doubts about Keith Urban and that subject go on the internet and look up a performance of an old Tom Petty song with a recent partner. Be warned - you may need a towel or a cigarette afterward or to cool off; just look at Keith and Kidman kiss - that will wake anyone up.