Monday, March 5, 2007

Nicole Kidman, the Oscars and beyond...

Dateline: Hollyweird 2/ 27/07

In a nicotine cloud Nicole Mary Kidman Cruise Urban sat and collected her thoughts. As she looked in the mirror she took stock of the last few days.

“I was noticed at the Oscars. But they made fun of me because I got that extra injection. I couldn't hold Naomi's hand enough even though I did try to show everyone she is my bestest friend. I saw the one true love of my life and his child bride. I tried to talk to Meryl but she was busy.

Oprah was too busy talking to him. So I sat on the couch and the only person that came to me to talk was Rupert Murdoch. I am glad I could talk to him because I was able to get a few photographers for next week. I am finally done with my next role and ready for another. My ribs seem to be healed. I guess it all went well except him. He wore the wrong suit Friday night. They made fun of him and in turn me. Me! They asked him about rehab again. Rehab, rehab, rehab! If only they knew the truth about that.

Then he fought with me so that people heard it at the hotel. He went out by himself and was seen so I had to ask Catherine to call Foxy and plant a blog sighting of the two of us together. And now he has moved back to Cowpieville. I am so upset I might have to go have another injection.

I looked great for the Oscars and he wouldn't walk down the damn carpet with me. More about him. He is worried they will ask him about rehab again. I am so sick of it always being about him.”

She took the silver goblet she was drinking from and threw it against the mirror. The mirror broke in a thousand pieces and Nicole started thinking... what does he need most from me in the future? “Well for Oz and Europe he needs me to be the perfect wife. The loving happy wife. Well I can give him that. Oh sweet Jesus, I can give him that in bunches. Those jealous cow fans of his - they hate me and he needs them to buy tickets for his tour. Let me find a way to give them what they want??? Let me go to these fat lady Keith sites. Who are the skeptics? What a bunch of whores this bunch is. He probably did many of them. So let’s see…They never see us kissing. They never see us in a loving embrace. They haven't seen us all over one another. They have never seen him without a shirt. I have a brilliant idea.”

"Yes Catherine, rent me a boat in the French Indies." "Rupie, please can I get those photographers for next weekend. PLEASE?"

"What the hell do you mean you are playing in Nashville and can't leave? Who paid for the surge in your popularity? Who got you all those damn dinners in Hollywood? Hey buddy, Bono wanted to screw me remember. Why do you have to play? Haven't I made sacrifices for you? Humor me! I believe you owe me. Fine, fine, sometime this weekend. Well you better show off that tattoo I gave you. Tom hid his." As she hung up the phone she thought of her true love and asked why is it that people believe his love story and not hers?

Nicole was thinking this to herself when the phone rang. It was Naomi going on about being pregnant again. Oy! I wish I didn't love her so. I need to be with women. That’s right! A big gaggle of girls! We can play and delight in those sunsets on the water. But I also have to show the world how happy I am. Catherine just called and said a major US tabloid was going to talk about us being separated. Well, I will show them. Okay here is my list for photographers. I want at least 150 photos to be ready by Sunday evening.

1. Shots of us kissing - and he better be into it this time
2. Shots of us together- I must remember to be on my good side and remove my hat for those kiss pictures
3. Shots of my body in and out of the ocean- those cows will hate that
4. Him without his shirt on - God I can’t believe his boobs are bigger than mine, but that shows those women he is mine!
5. Which also means we must show my tattooed name on his arm. I still don't know why he didn't put my face there just my name?
6. Hand holding, groping… but I have to do something spectacular.

As she was thinking about this she turned on one her movies… she often found comfort in her old films, today it was To Die For and she was on the scene where she was dancing in the rain to Sweet Home Alabama, it came to her. I have it!!! I can dance like that on the boat that will be sexy and seductive. Maybe he will sprout some wood remembering that woman he liked to eat Reece's pieces with in his bed. I hope they can get that on film. Nicole began to busy herself packing and planning for the big weekend ahead. She made a call and her plane and was ready to go. She will show them who he is married to and that he loves her beyond a doubt. She smiled to herself and flew out the door. Perhaps she over planned but, it seemed that of all the things that she and her husband were accused of not doing for one another she missed one of the most important...

And that is why the weekend pictures didn't turn out the way she planned…

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW!

A little over the top.....but I do believe that this was a photo op, no doubt about it!

Keith has sold his soul to the ice queen.

I'd like to think that this was love..that they really cared about each other...but rose colored glasses don't look good on anyone, let alone me.

She went to an awful lot of trouble to have these pictures taken....I'll bet they backfire. 150+ pictures splashed all over the internet in a matter of hours reeks of a inside tip off in her camp for a photo op.

I am sooo looking forward to those "months apart" that they will have to "suffer." Maybe then Keith will get his career back...and a BACKBONE.

How long do we have to wait for the baby bump rumors...I'll wager next week.

music said...

ROFLMAO!!!
Check out this comment (from the Daily Mail story about the Aussie Power Couple's vacation):

"A fellow holidaymaker said, 'They were very aware of the fact that they were so visible. It was surprisingly public and they seemed determined to prove how in love they were.'"

Anonymous said...

You lost me with this one being too over the top. Keith and Nicole are dramatic enough just with the truths they lie about. That leaving the scipted fiction out would have been wiser. Other wise it comes off as the nutty fan fiction writers.

Anonymous said...

While I do think what you just wrote is absolutely hilarious...so much so I spit out my coffee reading it this morning, I do think you definintely have a career writing fiction!!

You're wasting your talent!

Anonymous said...

Shit like this brings back memories of another redhead that used to cause all kinds of problems for Keith. Yeah, remember her? Oh, most of you skeptics do not because you haven't been around long enough.

Anonymous said...

The "girlfriends only" days of this little vacation was the fun part for her, this is ALL business folks.

the bunny hunter said...

Don't be surprised at how long some of us have been around! We are skeptics, but we are fans!

This was brilliantly written - I felt like I was right there in the room with Nicole as she came up with the photo op plan.

For those of you that don't believe, why did Chuck ask the photographers at LAX to give Keith some privacy before he boarded his plane for Nashville, but yet we can have 150+ pictures of them on the internet from their "second honeymooon"?

Anonymous said...

Next time Nicold wants a "let's make it look like we're in love" photo OP can they please have more clothes on. She is just NASTY and Keith, well he use to be hot.

Nicold can you try for something a little more romantic and not so scary. Pole dancing? Ahahaha give me a break. Who would believe that! Your trying really hard at making the public believe there is an ounce of love between the both of you.

Keith get out while you can and save you career. She is weighing you down and will drag you under with her.

Anonymous said...

Although the "story" in your blog is a bit over the top, I agree that this was a game for them. They know they're heading for months apart and given recent speculation about their marriage, they needed to leave a mark on our memories. Yep...loving couple shots, all 150+ of them. Very very private, and oh so loving. Right.

Whoever believes this, I've got some water front property in Florida that I'd love to unload...erhh... I mean...that I would consider selling to you, bargain basement price!

Anonymous said...

She could have saved a lot of time, money and energy by just having one pic of them kissing on the red carpet. I suppose she couldn't have any more "tainted" red carpet pics...

Anonymous said...

The blog is written in fiction because it reflects the intent of the "second honeymoon". Keith and Nicole in a fictionalized version of what they want you to believe. Its too easy to point out the flaws and inconsistencies in their behavior I made the reader work to see those.

Plus no one has figured out what it is Kidman and her hubby tubby
have forgotten??

Anonymous said...

With all you skeptics fueling the fans and media with your "It's so Over" garbage, it wouldn't surprise me if they did flaunt their love for each other...just to shut you up!

Anonymous said...

Who said Keith appeared to be back?

I was at the Nashville show, he played well, but still looks like shit if you ask me. Part of the recovery is cleaning yourself up on all accounts. He looked a mess and were those man-boobs I saw?

Anonymous said...

Plus no one has figured out what it is Kidman and her hubby tubby
have forgotten??


::::raising hand:::: Lemme guess, pick me, pick me?

They are forgetting............


his fans? Their minds? That she sucks at acting? Their gay lovers? Sunscreen? Kissing lessons? The baby goat, they never take that kid anywhere? Their Starbucks?

Anonymous said...

Quote: Plus no one has figured out what it is Kidman and her hubby tubby
have forgotten??

From the blog: Perhaps she over planned but, it seemed that of all the things that she and her husband were accused of not doing for one another she missed one of the most important...

And that is why the weekend pictures didn't turn out the way she planned…


You can't fake love.

Anonymous said...

OMG This is hysterical!
You have nailed it AGAIN!
Sadly-Keith's life is like a paperback beach novel-totally written by Nicold.

Anonymous said...

So I give what did they forget - the kids?

Anonymous said...

Yes, waiting for the OP to remind us just what they forgot to do...

Anonymous said...

Why is it if someone posts something here the admin doesn't like because it challenges a skeptics point of view...it's wiped out? Makes me think you people just make shit up for some kind of hatred vendetta against Nicole being married to Keith.

Guess you can't handle the truth!

Anonymous said...

"Plus no one has figured out what it is Kidman and her hubby tubby
have forgotten?? "


Maybe we need another clue?

Anonymous said...

When I saw the first pictures, I thought...OK...they're having a nice private holiday in the sun, good for them. But my good heavens, how can the paparazzi get so many pictures, unless it's planned?

Other big names seem to get away with a dozen pictures of their vacations, but Kidman has literally over 100! It's crazy.

She seems very concerned about how she looks to the public...how she is portrayed in the press. Say all you want that she can't avoid the paps. But truth is, she does it when she choses. And St Barts is always covered by the photogs but that usually means a dozen pics...not 150!!

Kidman appears desperate to make sure we all know how happy happy she is with Urban. Do I believe it? Less and less. Every time I see one of these obviously planned public displays, it makes it less real to me. Sorry Nicole...you gotta do better than this.

Anonymous said...

"Why is it if someone posts something here the admin doesn't like because it challenges a skeptics point of view...it's wiped out? Makes me think you people just make shit up for some kind of hatred vendetta against Nicole being married to Keith. "

Exactly! Makes the skeptics no better than the bunnies if you ask me. The wear blinders just as good as the bunnies do and can't accept people who challenge their point of view and want to discuss it.

Anonymous said...

Get a grip. There was a computer glitch and some posts didn't come through.

If yours didn't, then post again. I'm anxious to read your lame ass excuse for this over the top display of "love" because I really need a good laugh today.

Anonymous said...

I don't know where I fit in the whole scheme of things. I don't think I'm a bunny...never worshipped Nicole or Keith. I don't think I'm a full skeptic, cause I think some of this relationship is real. I don't completely buy the 'contract' concept.

But holy mother of God...how many pictures do you need to take of these people? Even Brangelina don't seem to get hundreds of pictures taken of themselves while on vacation or on an outting. If this wasn't a concerted effort to make sure that the public knows how happy these two are, I don't know what is. It's way over the top.

So...I just don't buy that this was a private holiday for them. It looks to be more public than the red carpet. He wouldn't walk that because of the "scrutiny." Wierd!!

Urban Myths said...

"Why is it if someone posts something here the admin doesn't like because it challenges a skeptics point of view...it's wiped out? Makes me think you people just make shit up for some kind of hatred vendetta against Nicole being married to Keith. "

Exactly! Makes the skeptics no better than the bunnies if you ask me. The wear blinders just as good as the bunnies do and can't accept people who challenge their point of view and want to discuss it.


You bunnies are a paranoid bunch, aren't you? A post has never been deleted from this blog. A few comments got delayed for a few hours overnight, but they were not deleted.

Love,
Admin

Urban Myths said...

And on another note...

Unlike the majority of Bunny boards, we here at Urban Myths refuse to delete any posts.

Why?

Because like anyone we all need a good laugh from time to time and your posts can fulfill that requirement.

Anonymous said...

If you think it was unplanned, then why did Nikkers and Keith see the cameras, he pointed, smiled. She then removed her hat, looked at the cameras to give a ...look at us..a loving couple on vaca, my hair blowing freely...kind of set up.

If you've seen the series of shots, you know they were very aware of the cameras and were definately posing, but trying to act natural, but since neither act..it shows right through.

Anonymous said...

I loved this! Hilarious!

And anonymous 3/7 10:05 I appreciate your honesty and opinion. More and more are beginning to see how ridiculous this arrangement is. And as for the amount of pictures this very short vacation produced:

Me thinks she doth protest too much!

Anonymous said...

With all you skeptics fueling the fans and media with your "It's so Over" garbage, it wouldn't surprise me if they did flaunt their love for each other...just to shut you up!

March 6, 2007 1:19 PM

Why does she need to worry about shutting us up if it's for real?

Anonymous said...

"With all you skeptics fueling the fans and media with your "It's so Over" garbage, it wouldn't surprise me if they did flaunt their love for each other...just to shut you up!"

Wow! Who knew that we the skeptics had that much power!

And why would Nicole Kidman care what a bunch of "fat, jealous, delusional" fans think of her fugly, non-talented self? It's you crazy rabbits that she needs to be scared of. You wackos are going to want to shred her apart when this fake marriage comes crumbling down.

The skeptics are just going to clap and then go on their merry way.

Anonymous said...

yep, clap and pop a cork or two to celebrate

Anonymous said...

Seemed to be planned to me too. Way too many pictures. Way too many of her white body. And what was that all about with her bending over with her dirty patoot showing?????
Keith looked a little lost in those photos. Sure he posed and held hands, but it sure doesn't look honest to me.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone ever think that sure it could have very well been planned or better yet, so the paps found out they were at St. Barts and so Nic and Keith decided not to hide from them, but to prove a point to the public that they are in love and are working on their marriage?

I'm no bunny, but I certainly don't think their marriage is any contractual thing.

Anonymous said...

Hell, I'm just jealous they're in St. Barts and I'm not!

Anonymous said...

"Did anyone ever think that sure it could have very well been planned or better yet, so the paps found out they were at St. Barts and so Nic and Keith decided not to hide from them, but to prove a point to the public that they are in love and are working on their marriage?"

I understand what you're saying and you could be right...But if there is no problem, why do you need the paps and 100's of pictures to prove it? And if you are so private that you never allow yourself to be photographed with your kids, why do you want 100's of pictures of you on your private vacation, kissing and snuggling with your husband?

It just seems to contrived and too purposeful. It's like they are trying too hard. Of course, who knows how people like this think. If I had enough money to go on a vacation like this with my NEW husband, I would find somewhere totally private...the only pics would be my own. And I do believe that Nicole can make that happen, if she wants.

Anonymous said...

"but to prove a point to the public that they are in love and are working on their marriage?"
-----------------------------------
But why?

Why do they have to prove that to the public?

The only people they should have to prove anything to is themselves.

And the irony of this all is, the very thing they are trying so desparately to prove is what they ended up disproving with all of the overkill.

It's too much to be unplanned, real, and spontaneous. It is quite the oppossite.

Even the media is making remarks about it & how fake it is.

Most times, when you try this hard to convince others of something...the opposite is actually true.

B/c if it weren't - they wouldn't care and therefore, wouldn't feel the need to "prove" anything to anyone.

There are plenty of famous couples that do not feel the need to do this.

B/c what they have is real and they don't have to prove it to anyone.

Anonymous said...

Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I just want to know WHY the bunnies care SO MUCH what the skeptics think? Why is it such a BIG DEAL to you? If you want to worship KUNK, worship all you want. We don't, and that's our preogative.

Anonymous said...

B/c they have bought into everything Keith & Nicole have been seelling to them for years.

And to admit the fairytale is a bunch of crap that was fed to them, and they swallowed it hole, well, that would mean they had been duped.

It would also mean the skeptics - of all people - have been right all along.

That just can't be possible.

Can it?

green star said...

Yes, it could be right and most likely is. This is a business for Keith as well as his wife. The MO is spin, spin, spin...

Anonymous said...

Spin, Spin, Spin alright...they're spinning this pseudo-relationship right into the ground.

This non-relationship is like watching a car wreck as it happens....you know there gonna crash hard,that someone is gonna get hurt, and that some poor shmuck is gonna have to clean up the mess...but you still watch in fascination as it happens......

That's what Nikkers is hoping for....that everyone watches dispite how GOD AWFUL it is....

Anonymous said...

Note to Nic--cut back on trying so hard (no one believes you)...and please learn how to dress yourself-you are a mess.

Note to Keith-get on the first flight back home and stay there. Make appointment to see trainer-ASAP.

seen enough said...

Remember the saying ...
"A picture paints a thousand words"?

In this case however a thousand pictures can't paint even 3 words... I Love Him/Her.

How sad and pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Looking at all the photos, some are pretty nasty if you ask me.
Her thong hanging out is one, her dirty-sandy butt is another. I guess she may have thrown them in to make them look as if they were real. Not buying it.

Anonymous said...

They Call Me Mr. Kidman’; Keith Urban Hurt by Emasculating TitlePublished: Thursday, March 08, 2007 Taking up the sword where Stedman “Mr. Winfrey” Graham and Kevin “Mr. Britney” Federline let it lay, Keith Urban is leading the battle against the tabloids’ fondness for tagging male celebrities with their female companions’ names.

Urban, who was a relatively unknown country singer outside the U.S., Australia and New Zealand, made headlines around the world when he married Oscar winner Nicole Kidman and then checked himself into rehab a few months later.

Now, Urban is fighting back at the media attention and, with it, the tabloids’ description of him in terms of his marriage, as opposed to his musical success.

“It's extremely painful, no doubt about it,” said Urban of the tag, reports the World Entertainment News Network. “But at the same time, I can only say that it'd drive me crazy if I kept confronting myself with those kinds of things.

“You can't influence how your private life is covered by whom in the media, and you shouldn't dwell on it,” the singer continued. “It's important that [Nicole and I] get along with each other, not with the tabloids. That's what we fought for, and we succeeded.”

Anonymous said...

In the lastest Who magazine, she's waving to the paps from the boat. This is a total set up. Too many pictures. Both of them say they are private people but they spend their the small time alone together in front of the camera. There's plenty of places an extremely rich couple can go and have complete privacy. And there's always the house in Nashville where Nicole says she feels so earthed.

I don't know why someone can't imagine this would be a contractual marriage. She married Tom Cruise that way.

Anonymous said...

at least she looked at tom like she half-way liked him.....she looks at keith with disdain, unless she is depicting some of her talentless acting abilities

Anonymous said...

Of course it was a set up. If it wasn't why have the pictures dried up? Nothing new for four days. The reason? She's made her point..the world knows they're soooo in love and the relationship is stronger than ever. She has the ability to control the media and her photo ops.

I don't know if the marriage is a contract or not, but she desperately wants everyone to believe that she and Keith are a loving married couple. And she made her point. I don't buy it, but I think the majority of people will.

Anonymous said...

I don't buy it either!

Anonymous said...

pirana faced kisses..do not real love make..so sad...

Anonymous said...

pirana faced kisses..do not real love make..so sad...

You got that right!!!! I hope somebunny gives that pic to Keith to sign at a M&G (won from a radio station, of course!). Hopefully he will hurl all over it and get his lawyer on the phone, STAT!