Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Britney & Nicole - Viva la Difference?

Is it so far fetched to compare these two famewhores? Let's look at the obvious facts, in no particular order.

Both dropped out of school.
Both got famous at an early age.
Both had men marry them for money and fame.
Both seem to need to go to the plastic surgeon from time to time.
Both have two children.
Both have dabbled in unorthodox religions.
Both are addicted to fame.
Both have the paparazzi on speed dial.
Both have strained relationships with their mothers.
Both have close almost too close relationships with their sisters.
Both have careers that are failing and/or faulty.
Britney listened to Keith Urban music while in rehab.
Nicole was responsible for ruining Keith Urban's music and driving him to rehab.
Both say very questionable things to the media that lead to questions about their stability.
Both have children that are being raised by their fathers.

and it goes on and on

Yes there is a vast age difference, Kidman is now over 40 and Spears is only 25, but both in this writers opinion, are two train wrecks we can't help but watch.

Did I mention they both have cellulite?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Many Phases of Keith Urban-Kidman

It’s been a busy month for Keith Urban-Kidman. He’s been bouncing back and forth between the US and Oz, which has given us the chance to see many sides of Keith. A few of them are listed here, such as “Private”, “Confused”, “Uncomfortable”, “D-List”, “Suck Up”, and “Pawn”.

After listening to the interviews, it seems that most interviewers in the US that know Keith will talk about his music, and then maybe (and most probably) mention his personal life. In Oz, it seems that his personal life is far more interesting than his music. That doesn’t seem to bother the “private” Keith. Keith Kidman likes to talk about his marriage more than his music there.

Keith did the talk show circuit in L.A., but it didn’t quite turn out like it was planned. Jimmy Kimmel, who obviously doesn’t know all that much about Keith, wanted to talk about his wife which made the “confused” Keith do a good deal of fidgeting. Jimmy’s other guest that evening helped Keith out talking about him as a picker. Nice save Terry Bradshaw! Keith was not only “confused”, but “uncomfortable”.

Then the Ellen show didn’t go quite right either. That was the week she had the mishap with the puppy. Hmmm, upstaged by a puppy. Well, puppies are like babies, we all love them, so that’s okay Keith. It was cool of Keith to stay and play for the crowd that had assembled to see him and the band. That was an “Urban” moment.

Back in Oz, Keith attended the ARIA’s, the event for music much like the Grammy’s in the US. Red carpet, lots of reporters, lots of photographers and lots and lots of fans lining the way. All was good until someone noticed that Keith’s wife was walking the red carpet with him. Hmmm, upstaged by the wife. Well, Keith’s wife, unlike puppies and babies, is not loved by all, so it’s not okay, Keith.

They do love her in Oz. So much so that she is the one that made all the headlines. Not because she has any real talent for anything, but because she was wearing a black lace see-through handkerchief for a dress with beige shoes adorned with pompoms that looked like bedroom slippers. She signed autographs and smiled for pictures. Lots and lots of pictures of her in that dress, bending over, showing off her, um, underwear, which thank heavens she had on. This just after an interview where she stated she only dresses for her husband. That outfit was for the benefit of the paparazzi, not for Keith. Interesting that she was given a coat to put on by her publicist. Thank you for that Ms. Day. There were a few pictures of the “D-list husband” Keith, but you have to hunt for those.

The musical talent that converged in the building that evening had to be phenomenal. The press hardly mentioned Keith or any of the other musicians at the event that evening. Silverchair won a bunch of awards and hardly got any press. Keith performed with the John Butler Trio and he was amazing. He was on, looked happy and sounded great. Another one of those “Urban” moments.

Winning that award had to be a much needed musical pat on the back for Keith. How nice that the “suck up” Keith was able to properly thank his wife for her inspiration. And how nice that he conveniently forgot his fans that made the album, thus the nomination, thus the award, possible. So, his wife is his savior, and she also was the inspiration for an album that consists of songs that were mostly done before their “relationship”.

Keith will be back in the US to start the next leg of his tour this week. This leg doesn’t allow for many long breaks. Wonder how he’s going to accomplish the “12 day rule” of running back to Oz to pander to the wife?

The CMA Awards will take place on November 7th. Keith will be performing. He is nominated. Will they do the red carpet in Nashville? Will she blow him kisses? Will she be seen looking down while he’s performing? She doesn’t dance when he performs, she says. She only dances in the kitchen! Or pole dances on yachts when the paparazzi are around.

The two nights following the CMA’s, the wife will be on the New York talk show circuit. Will she be uncomfortable when she is asked why she isn’t happy in her marriage? Will she be uncomfortable when they talk about Keith’s wins (or lack thereof) at the CMA’s? Nope. You see, they will only talk about her! It’s all about her after all. Which leads to the last and most encompassing phase of Keith, the “pawn”.

How many phases of Keith can you find? Play at your own risk!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Nicole Kidman Needs a Time Out

Where to start? Someone, somewhere, thought Nicole Kidman had something worthy to say again. Maybe because she says such insipid stuff or is it because she was married to Tom Cruise that these editors know she will get a headline? Why? Who knows, but Kidman has been spewing her load of wretched doublespeak, this time to Interview Magazine. Interview, founded by Andy (everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes) Warhol. Interview, a magazine that felt Keith Urban was worthy of two interviews in a two month period last year. These editors in their New York City high rises haven't a clue as to what the average, normal, functioning human being finds interesting. But they put Kidman and her waning popularity on the cover. What she had to say was again either the ravings of one who's botox has seeped into her skull, or her noticeable lack of formal education causes her to resort to over-talking and connecting ideas that have no place being connected.

What did she say? Basically, who cares? And that is it. She insults Keith Urban every time she opens her mouth. She insults her children in verbiage. She insults the person who is reading the interview. I have reached my limit.

I don't hate Nicole Kidman. I wouldn't pay any attention to her except she forced all of us to acknowledge her presence in Keith Urban's life. I am not going to rehash the PR relationship. Anything he tries to do positively for his career is trumped by her coming into the mix and reminding the world he was nothing until her. Well Nicole, he was and is someone, even if you don't see that. I am so sick of your babble about love and relationships. It is somewhat easy if you don't like where you are - MOVE. If you can't love the person you are with find someone else. What makes your life all that worthy of anyone’s concern? How many of us have been left by our partners? How many of us have to raise kids in a very tricky world? You aren't unique, you aren't even comparable. So what do we do?

I propose that in January of 2008 we ignore Nicole Kidman. Starting in January - no more talking about her. No posting articles about her on web sites or internet message boards. Ignore her. Forget she exists. Freeze the Granny Freeze. No comments regardless of what happens. We all know that no one watches her movies. Avoid her on TV; don't buy magazines that put her on the cover. Perhaps, just perhaps, ignoring her we can all get some peace of mind. I doubt she will care nor notice, narcissists only look at themselves. It will make me feel much better jumping off a ship she has been steering for way too long.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Savior or Warden? A Reflection on Rehab

We actually like Keith Urban. Some of the commenters and a certain fan site down-under paint us as harpy shrews that couldn't have Keith or are jealous of Keith and his marriage or eat repulsive amounts of junk food. Nah, we are just wise to a number of facts that seem to go over others heads. Today I want to reflect on Keith before rehab, particularly that time between June 25 and October 20, 2006. Keith, the fans, and some around him seemed to not acknowledge what was going on. For Keith, it’s obvious why. Others didn't want to acknowledge that something was amiss.

But in retrospect one person in particular had to know what was going on and that person was Nicole Kidman. Some feel that ever since her gaze took in Keith at G’Day LA in January 2005, Kidman has been on a quest to control him. And if you look at the past you can see how this has worked. First, she eliminated the competition. Second, she went after Keith's inner circle. Many of the people near and dear to Keith are gone and they acknowledge that it was the Kidman influence that drove them away. Currently, there are several people who, while they may work for Keith Urban, have a dual allegiance to Mrs. Urban (oops, I mean Mrs. Kidman - I forgot she asks hotel staff to refer to her as that). Are they on her payroll? Would it matter? There are people out there who "help" keep Keith stable. Third, she has alienated Keith from his music and his fans. He was accessible; he no longer is, and if she is on tour he is unapproachable. His music has suffered because there has been an overriding need to connect his recent songs to his personal life.

A year ago all of these things were in place or were happening, and many didn't see it. But Kidman knew. More importantly, how could she not have missed the sorry state her husband was in? In looking at pictures from this period, Keith appears wasted a great deal. Was he? Apparently, he may have been. With all the people in his inner circle gone and his fans only really seeing him in pictures, he had just a few dates in 06. Who had the most access to him? Yes, his wife. Why did she let it get so bad that he had to go to rehab? Why couldn't she have stopped him from hitting bottom? Was she an enabler? Was she the cause of his slip from recovery? I don't know. Perhaps she did play a part in his slide. He was the one who fell but she was the one who was standing there watching, and according to many around at the time, you couldn't miss what was happening.

He now gives her credit for his survival. Why? Because she made a call or two to get Keith in Betty Ford? Why was that? If you look at the posed PR snaps, the first time ever anyone got the paparazzi on the grounds of the Betty Ford Center, I will venture to say it was not about Keith getting healthy and more about a photo op for Kidman. She flew to another country for the holidays. She was only spotted at Betty Ford three times in the three months he was there.

Does Kidman deserve the praise she gets from her husband? No.

It is more and more apparent that Keith was entered into rehab to get out of the glare of any more “distasteful” stories. That was the real disease wasn't it Nicole? Your husband was a human being who had issues.

Since he has been out she has taken him to events over and over that will test his will to stay sober. Yes, he does choose to go, but what if didn't? Does he really have a choice? I know I am preaching to the choir here, but how can the world not see that this is a marriage of photo ops and one-upmanship. It makes one wonder where Keith would be without her? I will venture a guess that it might in a happier place with someone he loves (and who loves him) by his side that no one knows nor cares about. Having the best career he ever could and perhaps being able to keep his demons down.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Keith & Nicole in NYC

A conversation between Keith and Nicole at the Carlisle in NYC, the afternoon of the premiere of her movie, Margot at the Wedding:

Keith: So baby…tonight is the premiere of your movie…are you nervous?

NK: Are you on something? Are you? Of course I’m not nervous. I’m Nicole Kidman…I’ve won an Oscar, you know.

Keith: Right...sure. So…do you want me to go with you…or do you prefer to do the red carpet on your own?

NK: Well, of course I don’t want you near me when I do the red carpet…you just don’t look right on my arm. But you will take me to the premiere and bring me home. We want everyone to know how totally dedicated you are to me.

Keith: You mean you want me to escort you to the theatre and wait til you’re done? Just hang out there for you?

NK: Do you have a problem with that?

Keith: No…no…of course not, baby. Sounds great. I can wait with the chauffeurs.

NK: And I don’t want you to talk about that ridiculous accident on your motorcycle. It is bound to detract from my night…so if they ask you, deny it even happened. And I’m going to tell them it was essentially nothing. So get your story straight.

Keith: Well, I tried to tell them it was a minor incident.

NK: It wasn’t even an incident…it was NOTHING.

Keith: OK… the road rash and contusions are nearly healed and of course, the pain from the broken bones in my foot is much better. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, anyway.

NK: Good. And I’ve found one of Tom’s suits for you to wear. They’re so nice…I love to lay in bed with them and roll around on them and just smell them. Oh…I miss my Tom….erhh….I mean, I think that the suit will fit you without alteration. And if it needs a nip or tuck here or there, I have pins.

Keith: You mean that striped suit on the bed in your bedroom?

NK: Yes…don’t you like it? Tom looked so handsome in it. He loved that suit. I kept it after we…well I hate to say it…after we … uhmm…split up. That was such a mistake…he’ll regret that someday. But anyway…you are going to wear it and that’s it.

Keith: Well … to be honest, it isn’t really my style. I have a different suit that I think would be better for me.

NK: Are you saying you refuse to wear Tom’s suit that I picked out for you?

Keith: I’m not refusing to wear it, Nic. But it doesn’t really fit well and … it was Tom’s. I mean, I’d rather not wear his suit.

NK: Well like it or not, you’re wearing it. Get used to the idea. And Tom’s shoes with the lifts in them are at the end of my bed. Feel free to pick the suit and the shoes up and take them to your bedroom to change.

Keith: I don’t want to wear lifts, Nic. I don’t care if you’re taller than I am. Everyone knows that … it’s not a secret.

NK: I’m sick of feeling like I’m dating my dumpy son. You’ll wear the lifts and look like you are enjoying yourself. Is that clear? And then, can you come to my room and do my toes?

Keith: Yeah, that’s clear. What color of polish do you want?

NK: Red I think…yes, that’ll look good with my white or beige dress. Which do you think?

Keith: I think you should try something with a bit more color personally…

NK: Are you questioning my sense of style? I supposed you’re going to tell me that my hair is all wrong too?

Keith: Nic…I was just expressing an opinion. And I really think you would look better in a dress that isn’t so bland…and maybe you could give your hair a bit of color too? I loved your red hair…like in Dead Calm…that was really beautiful.

NK: Are you joking? You have no taste at all. By the way, while you’re out with me … when you hold my hand and walk out there in front of me, look protective. Everyone needs to understand that you adore me. I want them to know how much you adore me…is that clear?

Keith: Yes, Nic. I’ll smile and squeeze your hand and make everyone believe we adore each other.

NK: Don’t worry about them how much YOU adore ME. And if anyone makes an attempt to talk to me or look at me or make eye contact with me, tell them to stop. I don’t want anyone to even think that they can look at me, except Rupert of course.

Keith: Right…no eye contact, no talking. Sounds like a fantastic time.

NK: Are you being sarcastic?

Keith: Never, baby. It sounds like your kind of night, that’s for sure.

NK: It IS my night. And if Isadora and Cletus call…tell them that Mummy is busy and I’ll call them some time next week. I’m sick of their whining that I don’t have time for them. We had three lovely days together last July…they are so selfish and demanding.

Keith: They’re just kids, Nic. I think it’s nice that they want to see you. When they came to my show in LA, I was really excited to have them there.

NK: Well, then … you spend time with them. They bore me…I guess you have something in common with them, after all! You all bore me.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

A Sneak Peek into Urban's Greatest Hits

We at Urban Myths are happy to give all of you a sneak peak into Keith Urban's Greatest Hits. We have learned that Keith got his beautiful, beautiful princess in the studio to record a remake of the Barbra Streisand/ Neil Diamond hit You Don't Bring Me Flowers. The lyrics have been changed to reflect the happy couple’s current relationship. Since we could get into big trouble if we had an actual link to the song… we have to settle for the lyrics.

Here is a guide to the vocal parts...
K = Keith Urban
BBP = Keith's contractual wife

BBP - You don't bring me flowers
K - But I sing you stupid love songs
BBP - You hardly talk to me anymore when you come through the door after your 17 hour flight.
K - You never tell anyone you love me just that you can't live without a child
BBP - Now after we have done some photo ops - when its good for you
even if we fight- you walk out and get on that damn motorbike
K - Well you expect me to hang at your work day and night
BBP - You never send me flowers anymore

K - It used to be so natural to talk about you being my savior
but used to be’s don't count anymore when you talk about your
first husband and never mention me

BBP - Baby just remember all the things I taught you. I taught you
how to smile when you’re very depressed, I showed you how to lie because it was the best. I even made you go to rehab when all you needed was a rest.

K - Well you know someday I will tell you goodbye
BBP - No you know I will tell you when its time to tell me goodbye
BBP - You never send me flowers anymore

K + BBP - Yes we can't wait til we can say goodbye

K - You never really needed me
BBP - You seem to just want my money

K+BBP - We don't really care about flowers, it’s just for show

I can't wait for the video - can you???

Saturday, October 6, 2007

An Open Letter to Keith Urban

Dear Keith,

I have been a fan of your work since The Ranch, that's why what I have to say is so hard. I think you are a nice guy. I have actually met and talked to you. I liked the way you used to tick. You seemed aware of the world and of deeper things. The entire concept of Be Here appealed to me. I love your music; I love to see you in concert. I can get a contact high watching you play. But after this last week with the diva behavior over the soccer match, the questionable motorcycle wreck and now the appearance at a movie gala, it has become clear to me that you have made a choice. That choice is something I can't accept nor tolerate any longer. Keith, you have chosen the A-list sideshow over real life.

You talk about “balance”, but is it? You fly to Australia and disrupt your work. Your wife doesn't do that. You hang with her family and her friends. Your family and friends, and even the town you lived in have all but disappeared. That wonderful house that was built with everything you wanted was sold, and why? Because you can't go back to Nashville? Why? Is it too hard being around people who know and understand you? Is it easier to start fresh? Are you so damaged that you don't know who you are any more?

Is your addiction so severe that you are afraid of the past? Does that past include your fans? When you chose the A-list lifestyle, and many of us know you do like the finer things, did you think you could have it all?Please understand it is not because I am jealous or hate your wife or have some weird obsession with you. I believed in your work. I believed in the career you were building. I liked your music. I wanted people to hear it, more importantly, I wanted others to see you performing. You have a gift when you are on that stage and you can touch every single person in a room. You seem to have lost that since rehab. Yep, you can still touch the sky in concert but you don't linger there any more. I miss that. I miss the chills I used to get hearing you. I miss the themes and variations on the songs you chose for your records.

When Love Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing was released almost a year ago, you said it was a reflection. A reflection of your marriage, you said. I saw a man very uncomfortable with who he wants to be, who he chooses to see himself as,and who he really is. It hurt so many of your fans when you went to rehab, not because we were dependent on you, but because we cared. Yep your fans, while some are crazy, most of them are mature, functioning human beings who support you. Today I look at headlines about you and ask myself what am I supporting? Since the infamous motorcycle ride in the country in July of 2005, it is less about your music, performances, and songwriting and more about your private life. I know that the woman who you made the marriage contract with was very high profile, but Keith, so many people are high profile and they live quietly and quite happily. You aren't doing either. You look miserable more so now than in the past which apparently was all about the career - so you say. We knew you had relationships with women off-stage. There was never a time you were alone, was there? You dated a supermodel but you kept all of that private and it worked. Has the way you have been conducting your life recently been working? You played at Live Earth - the best performance that day, yet flew to New York in a private jet. That's very fake. You say you are normally private, yet all I ever read anymore about you is how you do or don't want children and that you aren't who you are today without your wife. I hate to remind you, but if it weren't for the fans and your career you would never have met her in the first place. The motorcycle incident is a prime example of what your life is today. Going to an AA meeting you say, and I don't have a reason to doubt that, but why should I even want or need to know that. Then being chased, or whatever it was, and an accident that could have killed you. You assessed blame not on yourself for speeding but on the paparazzi for following you. Keith you know why they are now following you. Keith Olbermann on Countdown reminded you that part of that 12 step model is the one step about admitting your own mistakes. Maybe that is what you should think about. What is working and what isn't. Unfortunately I have done that and have reached some conclusions.

I will no longer buy any of your work. I won't go to your concerts. I can't support your lifestyle any longer. I hope you can get it together and realize what you are losing and what you are left with. I can't believe in a man who I used to believe could talk to anyone without looking down on them and now flies to New York to have dinner with Rupert Murdoch and then gets in a group picture in the way he did with real people in a meet and greet. I won't buy the Greatest Hits. If there is something new on it I will have someone get a free copy. I never would have downloaded or bought a bootleg as I know how you felt about that. But you used to be someone else. I am also choosing to go an extra step and discourage people from buying your work or seeing you. No more DVD’s, no more hoping you get nominated and win an award. Your life choices have brought the wrong element to Nashville and Country Music. I wish you would make some changes, but I know I can no longer wait. Thank you for the past. I sincerely hope that you find whatever it is you are looking for. I pray for you and I hope you don't destroy yourself in the process. I will be looking in from time to time and will be back if it does change.

We all have to make choices,

A follower