Monday, October 15, 2007

Keith & Nicole in NYC

A conversation between Keith and Nicole at the Carlisle in NYC, the afternoon of the premiere of her movie, Margot at the Wedding:

Keith: So baby…tonight is the premiere of your movie…are you nervous?

NK: Are you on something? Are you? Of course I’m not nervous. I’m Nicole Kidman…I’ve won an Oscar, you know.

Keith: Right...sure. So…do you want me to go with you…or do you prefer to do the red carpet on your own?

NK: Well, of course I don’t want you near me when I do the red carpet…you just don’t look right on my arm. But you will take me to the premiere and bring me home. We want everyone to know how totally dedicated you are to me.

Keith: You mean you want me to escort you to the theatre and wait til you’re done? Just hang out there for you?

NK: Do you have a problem with that?

Keith: No…no…of course not, baby. Sounds great. I can wait with the chauffeurs.

NK: And I don’t want you to talk about that ridiculous accident on your motorcycle. It is bound to detract from my night…so if they ask you, deny it even happened. And I’m going to tell them it was essentially nothing. So get your story straight.

Keith: Well, I tried to tell them it was a minor incident.

NK: It wasn’t even an incident…it was NOTHING.

Keith: OK… the road rash and contusions are nearly healed and of course, the pain from the broken bones in my foot is much better. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, anyway.

NK: Good. And I’ve found one of Tom’s suits for you to wear. They’re so nice…I love to lay in bed with them and roll around on them and just smell them. Oh…I miss my Tom….erhh….I mean, I think that the suit will fit you without alteration. And if it needs a nip or tuck here or there, I have pins.

Keith: You mean that striped suit on the bed in your bedroom?

NK: Yes…don’t you like it? Tom looked so handsome in it. He loved that suit. I kept it after we…well I hate to say it…after we … uhmm…split up. That was such a mistake…he’ll regret that someday. But anyway…you are going to wear it and that’s it.

Keith: Well … to be honest, it isn’t really my style. I have a different suit that I think would be better for me.

NK: Are you saying you refuse to wear Tom’s suit that I picked out for you?

Keith: I’m not refusing to wear it, Nic. But it doesn’t really fit well and … it was Tom’s. I mean, I’d rather not wear his suit.

NK: Well like it or not, you’re wearing it. Get used to the idea. And Tom’s shoes with the lifts in them are at the end of my bed. Feel free to pick the suit and the shoes up and take them to your bedroom to change.

Keith: I don’t want to wear lifts, Nic. I don’t care if you’re taller than I am. Everyone knows that … it’s not a secret.

NK: I’m sick of feeling like I’m dating my dumpy son. You’ll wear the lifts and look like you are enjoying yourself. Is that clear? And then, can you come to my room and do my toes?

Keith: Yeah, that’s clear. What color of polish do you want?

NK: Red I think…yes, that’ll look good with my white or beige dress. Which do you think?

Keith: I think you should try something with a bit more color personally…

NK: Are you questioning my sense of style? I supposed you’re going to tell me that my hair is all wrong too?

Keith: Nic…I was just expressing an opinion. And I really think you would look better in a dress that isn’t so bland…and maybe you could give your hair a bit of color too? I loved your red hair…like in Dead Calm…that was really beautiful.

NK: Are you joking? You have no taste at all. By the way, while you’re out with me … when you hold my hand and walk out there in front of me, look protective. Everyone needs to understand that you adore me. I want them to know how much you adore me…is that clear?

Keith: Yes, Nic. I’ll smile and squeeze your hand and make everyone believe we adore each other.

NK: Don’t worry about me...show them how much YOU adore ME. And if anyone makes an attempt to talk to me or look at me or make eye contact with me, tell them to stop. I don’t want anyone to even think that they can look at me, except Rupert of course.

Keith: Right…no eye contact, no talking. Sounds like a fantastic time.

NK: Are you being sarcastic?

Keith: Never, baby. It sounds like your kind of night, that’s for sure.

NK: It IS my night. And if Isadora and Cletus call…tell them that Mummy is busy and I’ll call them some time next week. I’m sick of their whining that I don’t have time for them. We had three lovely days together last July…they are so selfish and demanding.

Keith: They’re just kids, Nic. I think it’s nice that they want to see you. When they came to my show in LA, I was really excited to have them there.

NK: Well, then … you spend time with them. They bore me…I guess you have something in common with them, after all! You all bore me.

21 comments:

ShutUpAndSing said...

I just love these conversations. Great job.

But lets not forget about the other things that Skank and Tom use to share that now she "shares" with Keith. The house in Syndey, the yacht, he hotel suite in London.
I am really surprised that she didn't insist they have their honeymoon and her's and Tom's favorite island.

And all the while Keith is probably have to get rid of his beatiful house because of things that might have gone on there.

On no, that's right, they now want to raise horses and goats. Because after all Nashville is the skank's home now. So being somewhere for less than 24 hours in a year now constitutes a "home". Nicole you are such a big fat..or should I say skinny pasty liar!

maclen said...

This "fairytale couple"s" every statement and interviews is such tempting parody fodder... and of course, another hilarious skit from Urban Myths... its the gift that keeps on giving! Your right, shutupandsing, her new Tennessee home statements are so laughable. She sold urbans nashville home, but his pr shill made sure to announce the next day that their not leaving nashville, but in fact have bought land nearby and are going to build on it...so kidman expects to go back to her new home in nashville... in what...about a year and a half to two years? I seriously doubt they'll be together in that time. But at least she can fly over and watch the build site in the jet she got from cruise, you know, flying between her house in LA and condo in NYC.

Sonora_Melody said...

This blog is so FULL of half-truths and lies, I don't even know where to begin.

As a starter, she did NOT get a jet from the TC divorce settlement. He kept it.

Secondly, while the Darling Point house in Sydney was bought during her marriage to Tom, that was bought with her money and under her name.

Thirdly, her career flourished AFTER her divorce - e.g. the acting awards, more film roles, higher pay. TC did nothing for her career, and in fact may have slowed it down as she turned down many film offers.

Perspone said...

[Everything stated in this posting is the opinion of the poster] Sonora melody what fantasy world are you living in, everything Nicole has done since Cold Mountain has bombed at the box office, she is looked upon as box office poison. As for her previous awards, those were sympathy generated. People felt sorry for her because Tom dumped her and she supposedly miscarried a baby which may or may not have been Tom's in the early part of the divorce. Nicole is a narcissistic, sympathy junkie. Everything happens to her and nothing is her fault. If this woman ever took responsibility for anything bad that happens to her, I would be amazed. Her children don't live with her, that's not her fault it's evil Tom's fault. Her movies don't make money, it's the problem of the studio, or the director, or the writer; it can't have anything to do with the fact that she sucks as an actress, that she has the emotional range of a mushroom. Most of the time, she can't even be bothered to go to the premires, she's moved onto the next loser project.

doublewide said...

Thirdly, her career flourished AFTER her divorce - e.g. the acting awards, more film roles, higher pay. TC did nothing for her career, and in fact may have slowed it down as she turned down many film offers.

oh please......nobody knew who she was til she married tom. and even if some things were bought in her name, she still shared them with tom. anybody that actually thinks this woman has talent, i question how lucid you are. more and more people are realizing this, thank goodness. her films are tanking right and left.

kudos to the new conversation on the blog....i am loving these.

realitycheck said...

Guess you are into recycling UMyths? This is the same-old garbage that anyone can read in any anti-KUNK board. So predictable...

maclen said...

Sonora_Melody said...
"This blog is so FULL of half-truths and lies, I don't even know where to begin."

Well, for me, this is a opinion blog, now if someone presents themselves in a huff and proclaims they know the full-truths and non-lies, as the commenter above claims, they had better have corroborating evidence proving it. If not, in there own apparent definition, please join us other half-truth sayers and liars here on this thread,... cause you aint showing me anything different from anyone else around here... so would you like to alter your strategy?

Imahick said...

What in this blog is a great big lie? It's a fabricated conversation characterizing what the author thinks goes on behind closed doors between these two celebs.

Get a grip ... no harm done...unless you believe that NK is actually like this and are trying to divert attention from her arrogant and controlling ways. Is that the case sonora melody and reality check?

This is no 'rehash'...it's a fictional conversation between NK and Keith. Sadly, I can actually hear them saying these things to each other.

banbotox said...

Really sonora-her career has flourished? If you think that it has because she is working non-stop, I wonder how many of the roles she has had are ones she really, really wanted to play? It's more like she can't get decent roles so she takes what the real actresses throw away. And in Hollywood there is a lot of trash.

I'll give you a place to start too. Tell me which of her latest roles are Oscar worthy? In fact, and more basic to the point, name her recent movies that have been box office successes?
Everyone on this blog can count both of those on one hand.

maclen said...

Actually Imahick, its satire, and I agree with Al Franken, who said, its satire, even if the person who reads it doesnt even think its funny... and and I believe its true, so to quote homer simpson... "Its funny, because it's true".

You know banbotox, I almost missed the comments from this sonora_melody on the previous blog entry, who's coming on, all presumptuous like... If s_m truly knows the truth about kidman, maybe she/he can enlighten us all on a few topics that have come up here... Such as, when is kidman planning on traveling to Sudan, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Afghanistan and Liberia, as she announced when she was made an honorary ambassador to the UN at the public announcement a year and half ago? Or is she just waiting for those territories to premiere one of her films before she'll step on their soil on behalf of the UN? And where exactly will she return to her new home of Tennessee, now that Urban's nashville house is sold, and the yet to be built ranch will take some time to build? Will she lease, get a sublet nearby to overlook the building of said ranch...perhaps theyll plop a trailer, with rented porta-potties so she can enjoy her new found Tennessee land and home?

cricket said...

Unfourtunatly for Keith I can really picture this exact conversation taking place.He is going to need to run for cover when Maggot At The Wedding tanks as badly as The Invasion. And Fur,Bewitched,The Stepford Wives and Birth.There's so many more I lost track of them all.It would be much easier to list something that actually made money at the box office,but I can't remember that far back.Must have been when she was with the love of her life Tom.

Anna said...

I thought this "perhaps" conversation was hysterical..until I read the real one in this comments section! What amazes me time again on here and my own blog is why so many people are afraid to ask questions, and laugh at the same time. This post was very funny, funnier perhaps when so many of us imagine how likely it is to be more fact than fiction. The point is not whether we know the truth, but whether we know when we are being lied to. Don'cha think?

doublewide said...

And where exactly will she return to her new home of Tennessee, now that Urban's nashville house is sold, and the yet to be built ranch will take some time to build? Will she lease, get a sublet nearby to overlook the building of said ranch...perhaps theyll plop a trailer, with rented porta-potties so she can enjoy her new found Tennessee land and home?

lol maclen! i'll send her a case of cheetos and big red soda if she EVER takes up residence in po-dunk nashville. we all know that place is beneath her.

and i'd also like to know about her UN duties.....now this is a very serious issue, and i see her making a mockery of it by doing absolutely nothing...

maclen said...

doublewide said...
"and i'd also like to know about her UN duties.....now this is a very serious issue, and i see her making a mockery of it by doing absolutely nothing..."

Yes, and not to mention her so called breast cancer foundation. Or does she have absolutely no idea that this is breast cancer awareness month? Again I dont critisize celebs who do it, but I do of celebs who then completly neglect their own proclaimed dedication to those charities... And I do revile those celebs who simply pay lip service to these honorable charities just to try and further their faltering and pathetic showbiz careers... as kidman is plainly doing... but then I dont expect the few kidman defenders who comment here to address those issues... so their better off remaining at their fluffy fansite forums and cooing about how "lovely" and "beautiful" they beleive she looks at her latest red carpet walk, or studio shilling banquet, when she so callously ignores her own flimsy work on behalf of her self publicised charitable work, which again, by the way, is only aimed at aiding and abetting her image and career.

cricket said...

I don't know Maclen maybe showing up at that NYC event with one new breast was her idea of showing support.It would seem like her kind of support since it was all about her.Maybe she should just start a foundation in support of plastic surgeons.We know she gives massive sums of money to them somaybe she could find a way to look generous.

maclen said...

That's a good point cricket, actually if she did get implants, she should organize a fundraiser for the doc who did her implants... he needs more schooling, cause the result looks very bad. And of course, Urban, just as I'm sure his career is, is getting lost in the crowd...so here we are already half way throught the Oct. month, and so whats the story about the "international committments"? Well according to monkeyland, hes recording of course, and hes got some "american" talk shows lined up... leno, ellen degeneres, and the prevous jimmy kimmel show... yeah very international alright... so whats up? Not hacking it with foreign audiences...has to stick with america...boy, hooking up with kidman must have killed his all around appeal. Their also playing up his latest single as "climbing up the charts", so I checked on Billboard.com... after 7 weeks its barely at #15... another 7 and maybe it'll crack the the 10? Top acts in any music genre usually debut at #1 dont they... So urban is going to have to sweat to get to where he should have been before the PR stunt of hooking up with a over-rated and lackluster celeb.

cricket said...

I know.His career was skyrocketing until The Hag came along.She's poison to everything she touches.She is killing his career and probably his spirit.This was the biggest mistake of his life.

music said...

"I don't know Maclen maybe showing up at that NYC event with one new breast was her idea of showing support"

Cricket - I'm ROTFLMAO!


"Top acts in any music genre usually debut at #1 dont they"

With all due respect maclen, I think it's the CDs of top acts that usually debut at #1. Singles generally take awhile to climb the Billboard charts. Keith's sappy OIAL held the record with a #16 debut until Garth recently did debut at #1 on the country singles charts. But Garth had some extraordinary factors in his favor and it perhaps was a once in a lifetime thing (haha -pun intended).

banbotox said...

cricket-that was hysterical!

maclen and doublewide-I so agree with you. The UN responsibilities are very serious and seem to have completely fallen off the radar for her. One thought-it is possible that those countries could not afford to pay her that outrageous fee to have her photo op in their country.

notachance said...

"those countries could not afford to pay her that outrageous fee to have her photo op in their country."

--------------------

You might just be on to something there..... not to mention since they're so poor they probably don't have landing strips for that private plane of hers either!

maclen said...

music said...
"With all due respect maclen, I think it's the CDs of top acts that usually debut at #1. Singles generally take awhile to climb the Billboard charts. Keith's sappy OIAL held the record with a #16 debut until Garth recently did debut at #1 on the country singles charts."

If that is the case, then I stand corrected...although I do believe it still upholds my rant! (I got an ipod years ago, and have every cd i own loaded onto it, and now i get my music downloads online, cant remember the last time I bought a cd...) The fact that his latest single is at #15 after 7weeks, as opposed to a previous single debuting at #16 shows the progress he's made in the past year, in the less sucessful direction.