Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Why Won't They Leave the Country Already?

Baby watch third trimester.....

So the fetus is still in utero and Kidman is still pimping the bump and Keith is telling the faithful that the money they spent on the July shows with Chesney was kind of wasted because he will be on paternity leave. Tom and his children went to a soccer game in LA, and Keith and Nicole are still in the country. Its midweek, and boy are we tired.

According to the fan site that worships Nicole Kidman some pesky bloggers saw Kidman and Keith at dinner on Monday evening. Now I really don't care about this news, except that I am using it here to discuss something else. Where, oh where, do these damn bloggers come from? More importantly, why does that site always have some kind of blogging from some obscure someone’s Myspace page? My goodness is there someone foxy enough over there that they monitor the entire internet 24/7? I think its not too far to speculate that the site is not only funded by the object of the worship but that they are fed a lot of information from the said object’s PR crew. Once you realize that, the trust is gone. It’s obvious that they want the Kidman fan or unsuspecting Keith fan to believe the crap they dish out. A skeptic knows better. So the next time Betty Jean the hairdresser and Cal the maintenance man are leaving the Piggly Wiggly and are holding the door for Kidman and Keith and run to the INTERNET and post it on their “It's our life we know you want to know more” page, and it shows up on the Nicolekidmanourworshipwench fan site be a bit questioning. Really, do question it.

Like Waldo, many are wondering where the little fetus will emerge from the womb. Some believe it will be wherever the surrogate is and Keith and Kidman are playing a guessing game so that the overeager press can't speculate about the whys that we know will come after the birth. Why does Nicole look so good? Why does the baby not look so newborn? Why does the baby not resemble either parent? These questions will be asked. But Kidman will keep all those icky personal questions at bay. If she is indeed pregnant, at 41 it’s going to be tough for her. Perhaps a C-section is already scheduled. But where and who will do it? She has been spotted at an OB/GYN in Nashville. And there have been a number of stories about her and Keith going to the doctors in Sydney. Of course it was interesting that when Keith was over there and interviewed on the radio, when asked about the ultrasound and other questions an involved father-to-be would know, Keith acted like he hadn't a clue about the exam at all. Makes one wonder. Also makes one wonder who was in the car the day the photographers got beat up? Some are whispering that the surrogate was in that car. I said some, not all, but some. So where is the fetus going to emerge? I think perhaps she will be born in LA; I don't know why. It won’t be Sydney because it would be good for the big epic movie, but maybe Kidman has already written the epic off like so many in the know already have. Wherever it is they won't be in the hospital for long nor will that kid stay in any country for long. The child is already an American based on Kidman and her duel citizenship so no worries if she isn't born over here. But who knows, so we will stay tuned.

As for when the baby will make her appearance? Keith is telling people he is taking July off. Too bad, I was looking forward to seeing him with Kenny that month and of course he does need the exposure for the career. What he will get is the personal life exposed. I think he can do both. Play the shows and pimp the family. C'mon Keith - sit at the piano and sing your lullaby. Don't do it in the Nashville mansion but do it in front of 30,000 people. You have whored out your personal life for the last three years why not the baabee? Keith reconsider those tour dates. Hell, you just might need to get away from all that family.

If you were thinking just because Keith isn't out there touring that we are going to go away: forget it! There is so much out there to talk about its hard not to write a blog every hour. But don't worry we won't. That might make some of you who have a better grip on "reality" explode!

Monday, April 28, 2008

It's My Concert, and I'll Cry If I Want To

I watched a film of the Lexington concert this afternoon and while it’s not the best that I have seen on this tour, that IMO would be Moline in July of 07, it isn't the worst either. What made this concert noteworthy was that it was the last concert of this tour. The end, finally of the Love Pain and the Whole Crazy Thing tour. Eighteen months of Keith Urban having to support those weak songs with a tour based on falsehoods and diversions; pushing the marriage as much or more than the music. Well, it paid the bills. It kept Keith on a schedule. It got people to see him and he got to play music. He does do that well. Even if the music is poor he can play. Mostly it was done to remind the world that Keith Urban is married to Nicole Kidman and he can play music. The dedication was always fun to watch. If there was no chance of a reporter around or Kidman nearby the dedication was hurried and quick. It fell into the drone of the all too familiar, “Hello, Dayton! It's good to be here tonight”. It wasn't sincere, it was stage chatter. Of course People.com played it up on Valentine’s Day when Keith was by himself fulfilling one of his professional dreams by playing Madison Square Garden. People.com talked about how Keith dedicated the song to Kidman. Had they paid attention they would have known he did the exact same thing every night. What they should have reported was how sad and forlorn Keith was that he didn't have anyone, say like his wife, to share this important moment with. That came on the rarely seen KU tube. I wonder if all the way back to February if something was amiss in the Kidmans’ world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the baby. But it’s not really about the baby; it is about these two people and this union that they have. Before January 8, 2008, we didn't see the Kidmans together for almost 40 days. Yes, there were supposedly Christmas parties, a concert for the end of the filming of the epic and a New Years boat ride but there were no at the time reports. That is significant.

Generally like Valentine’s Day, when something comes out as it is happening it seems more legitimate. Someone saying in March that they were on the boat with Keith and Nicole in the harbor seems about as true as those pictures that were supposedly taken at the time of Kidman’s 40th birthday last June. This entire village got a fireworks show yet not one person got a picture of it? Then in October when most were comfortable with thinking that this didn't really happen, poof a picture shows up. But those who know how to create illusions saw that it was faked. Much like a clip that is circulating now of Kidman and Keith in early March in Los Angeles. Keith is driving recklessly and Kidman is all covered up so no one can see her. Why?

This is why for many of us we are glad this tour is over - to have to hear him spout on the stage the same nonsense when dedicating the song. Although I do give Keith credit that often just before he sang “I think I got it right”, he would sing a few notes of a popular new wave song about masturbation.

That's what he has been doing since rehab, jacking off about his marriage. Verbal masturbation isn't too gratifying, it is often just a smokescreen on reality. And what is the reality for Keith Urban? In the next few months, all we will see and hear about him will be connected to the baby and his marriage. His music is over. Maybe not for a long period, but for the short term it is all about his personal life. Not a lot of people care and maybe Keith doesn't either. It seems he was the most alive when he was on stage connecting with people who knew who he was a long time before Nicole Kidman did. Could that be why he broke down in sobs singing Everybody?

Everybody needs somebody sometimes? There seems something very wrong in Keith and Nicole land and while we all know it’s not a real place and never was, the pretense was always passable and now there seems something far more sinister and sad there. No, it’s not the baby. But something seems off.

Why are so many who profit from Keith holding the standard line, his lawyer and his wife, staying close by? Well Keith, is that why Used to the Pain came back to the concert stage? Mr. Secret Message - do you have an answer? Or was the answer when the sobs seem to come to the loudest during this line, "Well maybe I have been too caught up, to see what you've been going through, all I can say is I am here now." Was that to us? To Kidman? Or to yourself? Take care, Keith. We aren't going anywhere and we hope you don't either.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!!!!!

It’s okay to be here, really. Apparently this blog was mentioned in the fan message board on the official Keith Urban web site, “Monkeyville”. Come on in and read the blogs! There are so many to choose from and all are entertaining, but let’s set the record straight about a few things. Please read the following and remember them and then we shouldn't have any problems.

1. This blog isn't written by one person. Someone mentioned “he” as the author while describing this blog. While there might be a “he” writing one or two of the blogs, for the most part this blog is written by women. Many women, not just one or two. This bugs some of our critics because they want us to sign our work. The problem with doing that is that when you see a specific author it becomes so much easier to dismiss what they are saying by strapping baggage on the author. An example: let’s say Amanda signs her blog, then someone in the comment sections says, “Well, what do expect from Amanda? We all know what her agenda is…”, and the message gets lost.

2. No comment is ever deleted by the administrator in the comments section. The only way a comment is deleted is by the author. As much as everyone wants to jump on the “there is no free expression on any Keith Urban related site”, here at Urban Myths, that is just not true. Express all you want. There isn't a Luke/Foxy/Amber like moderator here.

3. There is a basic belief here that Nicole Kidman has ruined Keith Urban's life. Well yes and no. Keith does a fine job of screwing up on his own and he chose to be publicly connected to Kidman, but many feel Keith had no clue what the botoxed wonder was going to do him and his career. Where do we find our evidence about that? One word: rehab.

4. This isn't a gossip site. There are far better ones out there. We do talk about what is in the news and sometimes what we reckon the answers are may be based on some gossip. But this isn't the place to find out what kind of underwear Keith Urban wears. While some may know, that is not what we do here.

5. People do read this site and some take it seriously. Sorry, but this site is read and interpreted. Some feel that it is a safe place that isn't full of photo ops and engineered writing. How can we say that? Because we have learned to spot Kidman’s self-promotion and manipulation.

6. While you may worship Nicole Kidman and especially Keith Urban, we don't. Keith is a gifted performer. He was on his way to the top until Kidman took up with him. Then we have seen that he was in a train wreck. But for many of us we already knew he was just a guy, imperfect with warts, who was ruthless and ambitious. Some felt he was sincere but for many he isn't anymore.

7. We know that one day this marriage and relationship will end. How? Who knows, but it will.

8. Nicole Kidman is a vain, manipulative, insecure famewhore who is incapable of interest in anything or anyone other than herself. Her career is in free fall and she is using her fictional personal life to bolster her ego even if it destroys her children, parents, sister and husband.

9. No one here wishes any harm to our critics or Keith and Nicole. It would be great if she just went away, but since she is here for the time being, we are here to watch everything unravel. As for our critics, we don't understand the devotion or the misinformation unless you are paid to present them, but you exist and we won't deny it.

10. While some of our critics are paid to post, no one here is making any profit by writing what we do. So go back and read and if you want, and please comment. We want and encourage the feedback. No one will erase your words. We promise.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A Letter from Keith to Kenny Chesney

Eureka! A special contact has provided us with a letter that Keith wrote to Kenny for his 40th birthday. Keith was unable to attend the party, as he was in Australia at the time. A book full of letters from all of Kenny's friends was presented to him at the party. It is our privilege at UM to be able to share Keith's letter with you.

Dearest Kenneth,
When I heard it was your 40th birthday, my extraordinary wife and I wanted to extend our sincere best wishes to you. How lovely that you are celebrating with your good friends in Nashville, the city in which I live with my beautiful wife a lot. In fact, much more than many people think...we are actually sleeping in our own beds...errhhh...bed when we are in Nashville.

I certainly would have enjoyed attending your birthday celebration, but my wife has asked me to stay in Australia and varnish her toe nails, so I am unable to be there. I’m not sure if you are aware, but my wife is very very pregnant, and so, she is often in fear and needs to have me nearby. At times, she has trouble even throwing an ashtray across the room, she is in such fear.

I found myself reminiscing about our great times while on tour. I recall when we were touring in 2004, that we partied and made great music together. I am reminded regularly by mutual friends that we share a lot of happy memories. I do remember the great Harley you gave me and will never forget that act of kindness. Unfortunately, my wife won’t let me actually retrieve any other memories as they are not suitable to our current social status. So…although I cannot discuss any other specific memories, I am grateful that we spent that time together and probably had a blast.

As you may be are aware, I am going to be a father this summer, sometime. I am not sure exactly when this blessed event is going to happen. In fact, I didn’t actually impregnate my lovely wife in the biblical sense, but I did provide a gift into a small cup and apparently, via a special basting procedure, the miracle of conception has taken place. It is truly dreamy, (My wife’s words, actually). When she brings forth the child inside, we can enjoy parenthood, with the assistance of numerous nannies. I felt her stomach for the first time recently and although I did not feel the baby move, I did feel the rubbery consistency of her pregnant abdomen, and my wife assured me that all pregnant women have an abdomen like that. I learn something everyday from her. She is extraordinary. I am thrilled just to carry her cavernous white bag and straw hat, and when she allows me to paint her toe nails, I feel FANTASTIC.

But enough about me. It’s your birthday and although I’d like to attend your birthday party, I am actually playing a show in Australia that night. My wife will hopefully attend and if she can stay awake for the concert, I will be able to wax her pubic region after the concert and give her a good cleansing in the form of a warm enema. She is just so extraordinary, that I can’t express how much gratitude I have to be with her and carry her things for her and to have somehow impregnated her with our child and be able to sit on her movie sets for hours at a time, watching her attempt to move her brow and express true emotion.

In closing Kenneth, if my wife will allow it, I will attempt to call you on your special day and extend my congratulations. I look forward to the shows we are doing together this summer. If you are reading this yourself, I want you to know that I need you to read the following very very carefully. If you can read backwards, that would also help.

Yawa teg ot etarepsed ma I dna elociN deman hctib ytsap a yb lliw ym tsniaga dleh gnieb m’I, em pleH.

In sobriety and with sincere somberness,

Keith Urban-Kidman

Keith's New Tattoo Uncovered

A fan that attended a recent Keith Urban concert saw what appears to be a new tattoo on his back. The tattoo was recognizable only because he wore a white t-shirt for that show, rather than his usual black/gray/blah t-shirt. We used some special UM photo imaging equipment, and can now reveal to the world what the new tattoo says. (The hoho2008 is the photo copyright). Brought to you only by Urban Myths...





Monday, April 21, 2008

Is "Australia" Nicole's Swan Song as a Lead Actress?

It’s funny about Hollyweird and it’s obsession with women and age. Well, not funny, because it’s a reflection of culture as it is; it is a youth culture. Why? Who knows, except for sociologists and psychologists and all those in between? To bring this back to our favorite subject, Nicole Kidman, let’s look at how this has affected her. First, after the epic premieres in November, Kidman will be at work on the Valerie Plume movie in Hollywood. This role was negotiated as she was making the epic and announced earlier this spring. Many feel Kidman is miscast in this film as she has shown over and over again her American accent is too light for a serious movie and she comes off as being anti-intellectual. Since this movie is rumored to be along the lines of All the President’s Men, Kidman will have to emote even more than in the past. To play smart, in this case the character is a spy and is exposed as a sacrifice in the Bush Administration; the character is smart. Kidman is not smart and the times she has played a scientist either of the literal or the social variety she has fallen on her face. Nicole, if you can't play intelligent, those meaty supporting roles or the occasional lead role will elude you.

Kidman has done her better work when she is more of an object: Moulin Rouge, To Die For, Dogville, Cold Mountain or Margot at the Wedding. Those characters are either pretty or stereotypical characters; one note numbers. Kidman is good at playing those. But those are almost always given to younger women. Let’s look at the movie Nine. Kidman was up for one of the lead characters - a woman in her early 30's. Many were surprised and shocked when it was announced, a little too early, that Kidman had the role in the musical. The character would have been a stretch for Kidman, who will be almost 42 at the time of shooting. Kidman was dropped from the role and rumor is that Naomi Watts will take her place. Ironic that Watts is also in her forties, but the producers chose her isn't it? Not really, Watts can pretty much do any role well. She has staying power. Kidman does not.

That’s it in a nutshell. Kidman has little to no depth as an actress to make the necessary moves needed to sustain her career as she ages. Even Elizabeth Taylor, knew when she had to leave. Shirley MacClaine had the depth. Grace Kelly did not. Audrey Hepburn did not work much after her forties, but she made up for her lack of career by doing humanitarian work. Kidman should take a lesson from Audrey Hepburn and her example instead of trying to emulate Katharine Hepburn and pretend she has the range to continue.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Urban Myths Music Festival - Encore

Since so many of you have hung around til the end, here's an encore by special request...

Got It Right This Time

She believed in fame like I'd been trying to do
She showed me things I'd never seen before
Ever since you came into my life....I've been a stupid man

Run run running I am running scared
Always looking for a chance to leave
Couldn't seem to find where I belonged
Then she took over my life

We can't make this work out baby,
I don't want to
I picture myself with a brunette or two
I thought I had it right.....I'm wrong

Oh Yeah

All of my life I've been looking for someone
Who believes in love the way I do
But I know I made a really big mistake
When I marry you.

We can't make this work out baby
I don't want to
I picture myself with a brunette or two
I thought I had it right.......I'm wrong

True famewhores always find each other
Now here we are
You are always out there waiting on me
For me to find my way....find my way to the photo op.

Oh Yeah

We can't make this work out baby
I don't want to
I picture myself with a brunette or two
I thought I had it right....I'm Wrong

Yeah after all the crazy days
You've put me though
I'm picturing myself with anyone but you

I thought I had it right....I'm wrong

Oh yeah...

Mmmmm..mmmm....mmmmm

Lyrics by: BBP, Inc.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Urban Myths Music Festival - Closing Day

Wow, what a great weekend. Thanks to all of you for coming to enjoy our special music presented by very talented songwriters. Hopefully you didn't get sunburned and won't be hungover on Monday. The Crown Royal booth apologizes for running out of Crown. Apparently an Oompa-Loompa looking fellow wearing various disguises all weekend had more than his share. The M&M's booth apologizes for running out of green M&M's. The same Oompa-Loompa was seen frequenting that booth as well, with a buxom blonde in tow. Sit back and enjoy the finale of the festival.... until next time. Thank you for your support.


Keith’s Celebrity Song
(to the tune of Brad Paisley’s Celebrity)

My wife has helped make me famous, do I have talent, well yeah
But I didn’t want to wait til I made it…so I whored myself to the paps.
I gave up a supermodel, and I decided to sue my self
Already got caught screwing Amanda…and ended up in rehab

[1st Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
It means your new reality
Makes you act just like a fool
As you lead your pasty jewel
Out past the paparazzi
She can throw a major fit
If the gowns just don’t quite fit
When she uses some botox
Brushes her graying thinning locks
And the pressures that go with
Being a celebrity

She’ll whine to Oprah Winfrey about her divorce and her lover, Tommy C
She’s box office poison, and she was photographed snoozing
At one of my shows…she’s not too keen on me
She’s lovin the paps, her movies always the craps and still her price goes up

[2nd Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
You get lots of great stuff for free
You can pretend you’re Bono
Even though you don’t really go
To help out any charity
My wife’s arrogant and rude
She’s lesbian…sure no prude
She bleaches the freckles off her skin
Pretends to have a child within
But in truth she’s just a dude and she loves…
Being a celebrity

[Bridge]

So let's thumb our nose at Nashville and head down under
To our home where Nic’s queen and they love her every blunder.
We'll be real arrogant jackass millionaires
Hey, hey, Hollywood, here we come

[3rd Chorus]

'Cause when you're a celebrity
You don’t end up with integrity
You pretend to truly love each other
Though I really love another
I’m sick of pretending for the press…
My wife’s always controllin’ me
My balls are in a jar, for all to see
GQ says I’m pussy whipped
I’ve lost my personality…busy
Being a celebrity

Yes…I’m sick of trying to make her happy
Painting her toenails beige is pretty sappy
I’m tired of holding her great white bag
She’s a pasty smelly hag
And she loves…being a celebrity

Skankypants Lyrics, LTD.

Urban Myths Music Festival - Day Two

We are so lucky that while Keith was at the hockey game we snuck into the mansion aka Urbanville and found a notebook. Imagine our delight when we discovered the words for three new songs. To continue with a full lineup for the festival on Saturday, we wanted to be the first to break these to you. So here they are:

Its My Child Too

The nanny clings to the baby
like a moth clings to a flame
the baby looks so restless
like she is the prize in a game
well let me tell you something
I am gonna tell the world
that that little baby
is also my little girl

(chorus)
yes she is my child
so pretty and smart and wild
yes she is my child
that is legally on file

I go to her room at night
after her staff is gone
I know her petri dish conception was right
while many said it was wrong
so there my little daughter
lying in your crib
you're my actual child
my little Adam's rib
uh huh

(chorus)

Don't Get Caught in Her Snatch

She is called the worlds beauty
She called the paragon of class
She is considered a goddess
but she threw me on my ass
she played my like a card game
she called my greatest bluff
she worked me over and over
and it was very rough

(Chorus)
oh yeah the world is fooled
and I am her biggest tool
they said she was a great catch
but I got caught in her snatch

She is vicious as viper
as cunning as a sniper
I was in her view
there was little I could do
and now I am her prisoner
I am the man in chains
I wish there was a rescuer
to relieve me of my pain

(Chorus)

The $15,000 A Night Nightmare

I never had many nickels
rarely had a dime
all I had was my singing
and a lot of time
I made a deal with the devil
it sounded good I can't lie
but I am in a living hell forever
and I'll die in a shrine
yeah I am living the good life
yeah that’s what everybody says
flying all over
and I never have to pay
but I have no one who loves me
I have no one to call a friend
even my mum is embarrassed
because she knows it won't end
yeah I am sitting on bed with 10 million thread sheets
and I'll never have a worry
about getting food to eat
but you know I made a mistake
on that certain summer day
if I knew what was going to happen
I would have got on my bike by myself and rode away

Lyrics by: Used To Be A Man Publishing, Inc.

Friday, April 18, 2008

First Annual Urban Myths Music Festival - Day One

This weekend we are celebrating the first annual Urban Myths Musical Festival. Pull up a chair, relax, and sing along. A special thank you to our sponsors this year: Big Red Soda, Cheetos, and M&M's!

Am I Still A Guy?
(sung to the tune of Brad Paisley's "I'm Still A Guy")

When you see a deer you see new shoes
And I see Thumper in a pickle jar
When you see a lake you think photo op
And I see a place to make out
You’re probably thinking that you’re going to change me
In some ways well maybe you have
Scrub me down, dress me like Tom oh but no matter what
Remember I’m still a guy

When you buy a million dollar French painting
I see a drunk, naked girl
You think that riding around in my tour bus is crazy
But I love that shower in the back
Well contracts make a man do some things he ain’t proud of
And in a weak moment I might paint your toenails, carry your cavernous white purse
But remember, I still wanna be the guy

I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in public
Write a love song that you’ll pretend to love
Then turn right around and scream at the paps to settle down
‘Cause they caused you great fear as we walked by

I can hear you now talking to your only girlfriend
Saying, “Yeah he’s come a long way”
From hanging out at Losers and texting Amanda
And banging brunettes in the back of the bus
But when you say a foot rub means a “spa” foot rub
Then you swat my hand when I get tired
Well, now what can I say at the end of the day
Princess, I’m really still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in public
Write a love song that you’ll pretend to love
Then turn right around and scream at the paps to settle down
‘Cause they caused you great fear as we walked by

These days I’m busy getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With a deep spray-on tan and creamy lotiony hands
I can’t grip my guitar at all

Yeah with all of these men lining up to get neutered
I’m so glad I ended up in rehab
I highlight my hair
Don’t’ remember if I still have a pair
Hey Pasty, am I still a guy?’

Oh my eyebrows are plucked
There’s too much room in my tight jeans
Oh Dear God, please let me still be a guy.


Lyrics by: Psychedelic Pants

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Coincidence or Co-dependence?

The fans on this blog speculate a lot about Nicole Kidman’s real reason for marrying Keith Urban. Many of the “skeptics” believe that it was simply a way to re-vamp a failing image and get herself back into the public eye. Other fans believe wholeheartedly that it is indeed true love. Both sides claim the other side is wrong.

So, if it isn’t true love and it isn’t a contract for money, fame & an image boost, then, what could it be?

Beginning in 1991, Nicole’s life became the stuff dreams are made of. Her marriage to A-Lister Tom Cruise made her one-half of one of Hollywood’s hottest couples. A marriage that was happy, successful, with two beautiful children. She was young, naturally beautiful, rich, powerful, part of Hollywood’s elite. She had hit after hit at the box office. She was consistently nominated for various awards, and even won a few. She became high in demand, as did the salaries she began commanding.

In 2001, Tom filed for divorce. Nicole was blindsided and devastated. Despite the couple’s problems in the years leading up to the divorce, Nicole loved Tom and her life with him and everything that encompassed. I am aware that some believe Nicole’s marriage to Tom was a contract. I don’t find this hard to believe…after all, contract marriages/relationships happen all of the time in Hollywood. But I do believe that no matter how or why Nicole & Tom hooked up, they did indeed fall deeply in love with each other.

In the years following the divorce, both Tom & Nicole dated, had a couple of long-term relationships and there were even rumored engagements… they appeared to be moving on with their lives quite well. Well, at least Tom was. Nicole was, well…

December 2002 - Kidman Still In Love With Tom Cruise

“What does it matter? It was, I mean, hurt it? I had a life with him. I spent a decade of my life with him...and loved him, still, will always, you know, I mean when you spend that amount of time with someone...(clears throat) they are with you.” “I've told Tom I will be there for him for the rest of his life, always!”

August 2004 - Cruise Says No To Nicole Reunion, But They’ll Always Be Close

May 2006 - "He was huge; still is. To me, he was just Tom, this lovely man, but to everybody else, he is huge. But he was lovely to me. And I loved him. I still love him.”

Now, Nicole actually met Keith at the G’Day LA event in January, 2005 but despite what the tabloids have said, they were not drawn to each other…they were introduced by Alexander Downer (Minister of Foreign Affairs), who btw, was quoted as saying “I can’t say I noticed any electricity when they met that night,…”. Supposedly, Nicole gave Keith her contact information. True or not, neither contacted the other and they did not hook up that night or any other after the G-Day LA event.

And then…
video



OUCH! Now, as much as I dislike Nicole, I have to admit, this sucks for her. This was the man she had loved, lived with and shared a life with for 10 years…it would certainly get my panties in a bunch for sure.

Enter Keith Urban (again). In June or July of 2005, Nicole and Keith actually did hook up (yup, 6 months later). Allegedly, it was courtesy of Nicole’s former co-star, Renee Zellweger, then wife of Keith’s best friend, Kenny Chesney. And this is where it gets interesting…because from that moment on, what started out as what could have been a mere coincidence with an identical first date on a motorcycle, became a fascinating pattern that at times, was a blatant, direct copycat of her ex-husband’s PR. I don’t have to go into any lengthy explanation here…and of course, I could list tons of examples but I’m sure you are all intelligent enough to see it in just these few:

November 11, 2005:
November 24, 2005:

Vanity Fair, October 2006:

Vanity Fair, October 2007:



And then, there’s Nicole’s own words…

Keith marriage rule: “We won’t go more than 12 days apart, ever.”

Tom marriage rule: “We had a thing where we couldn't be separated for more than two weeks.”

She & Tom were like “puppies”

She & Keith are like “otters”


But more what’s more striking to me are the differences:

On meeting Keith: “It wasn’t like the earth shook”

On meeting Tom: “He basically swept me off my feet. I fell madly, passionately in love."

On speaking of her feelings for Keith: “…And I think it jinxes it in a way and that’s why I don’t go on about my enormous feelings for this man”

The always inscrutable Nicole Kidman says she's "deeply in love"but wouldn't describe the marriage as a happy one…

On speaking of her feelings for Tom: “But I love being married. I really love it. Sometimes I try to downplay it a bit because people are like, 'God you guys.'

Interesting, no? I think so, but you can do your own math.

IMO, Nicole’s current marriage was nothing more than a woman’s desperate attempt at proving that she, too, could move on with her life and love someone else.

You see, Tom had moved on and left her behind – something I don’t think she was ever able to do. She loved him, he dumped her, went on with his life never once looking back, he fell in love, had a child and planned to marry a (much younger) woman who he claimed to love more than anyone else in his life - and Nicole has never, ever gotten over it.

But Tom must never, ever know that. Tom must see that she too, can move on & leave him behind. She too, can find someone to fall deeply in love with, marry and have children with. She too, can still be half of a power couple.

Take that Tom! F-You too!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It's not always fun to be right!

First, thanks Nicole, for reading the blog! We love that you take such an interest in well, yourself, and what is being written about you. But, we really don't expect you to follow everything we say especially when what we most want is for you to end this whole sham. So, reader, I wonder after that line if you are asking why we just don't address Keith on this? Because after last night it was painfully obvious that Keith Urban gave up control a long time ago.

Let’s recap a bit. The Kidmans showed up to the big awards show in time to do the red carpet. However, just like the Oscars, Nicole refused to speak to the press. Why? Well, why should she? She was selling nothing more than her presence there…wait, her pregnant presence there. I am sure Keith had to explain over and over again that he performs music and to sell the music they make videos which are kind of like movies, but not really, and that the best of those videos are nominated for awards. That is why they were there right? Of course not. Kidman wasn't there for that; she was there to be seen in Nashville; to buoy up the tales she has woven about living there, and to show that she supports her husband because so, so many have bought into the myth of their marriage.

It was time to pimp the bump and the only way to do that beyond just going to lunch in Oz was to be seen; and she was seen. The red dress, the extension filled hair all did the trick. If you look at the web photo sites you will see that Kidman got more pictures than anyone there. Anyone there. Kidman yet again got all the attention and she set out to do that. With the exception of Trace Adkins, there are no pictures of Kidman with any of the other artists. Why? Because, that would take away from the goal. In fact, the seats that Keith and Kidman had originally been assigned were given to others and Keith and Nicole went to sit where there weren't any other stars. Why? Well, there are some that are saying that they didn't want to be so close to the mob fan pit because too many people were taking their picture and they couldn't enjoy the show. Yeah right! Insiders at the event say Kidman insisted that the seats be moved so she could be on the end of a row and far from any fan access. So up to the 7th row they moved, where industry people were sitting. But of course, unlike Kimberly Paisley and the other wives, Kidman was not going to sit out in the crowd while Keith performed. No, she was backstage for the performance and followed him back to the bus while he changed both times. As for the show, when the camera panned to the Kidmans, Keith was watching and Nicole was staring right at the little red light. Of course the still photographers caught the couple leaning into one another holding hands and ignoring the show. Good job.

I couldn't give two hoots about Kidman and what she wore, and I know I am in the minority out there but I thought Keith looked okay; not stunning like the past but in the Kidman era, not terrible.

I thought his performance was the best of the lot with the exception of one performance that even swept away Keith and his jamming. Brad Paisley with a little help from Hank Williams, Jr. performed his new single I’m Still A Guy. It mentioned purse holding and highlighting and spray-on tans. It was funny and it captured how pussy whipped a man could become. The one sad note about that song, the man who should have listened to it was already in the limo heading to the mansion with his wife. Seems that the Kidmans couldn't even stay around until Keith's award came up. After a few words in Keith's ear, Nicole stood up and walked out and as the obedient paid employee that he has become, Keith left the show. I doubt anyone really missed them.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

It doesn't matter if you win, it's all about being seen

For most performers an awards show is like working. Tomorrow night it’s the CMT awards. There will be a red carpet and there will be press there. Keith Urban is up for one award, male video. Back in the gravy days, he owned those awards, sometimes being nominated for up to five awards. Those days are over. The chances of him winning are slim to none. We can go into why…

The videos really are routine. That the video for I Told You So, which in this writer’s opinion was one of only two strong songs on the CD, was interesting, but not catching like Urban's others. Also, factor in that the support to call in or vote for those videos for the awards just isn't there anymore. We know why, but the monkey heads won't admit it. But none of that matters because what matters is that Keith Urban is going to show up and the lovely Mrs. Urban will too and at the end of the day it’s all about feeding the fame addiction more than the music.

There have been recent supposed sightings of Kidman in the Nashville area. Buying maternity wear, going to yoga and walking by herself in the park near Keith's former home. There have not been any confirmations that they are checked into a hotel, which lends credence to the rumor that that $3 million mansion is actually Urbanville, and they are living there. Oh Nicole, didn't Keith build you a gym in the big old residence? Can't you do your workouts and yoga there? Shopping? Nicole Kidman? She hates to shop. She has designers beg and plead for her to wear their creations. Maternity wear? For what, the ever declining bump? Nope, dear reader, what we have here is the fame-ho at her most addicted. Parading herself around Nashville so there is a buzz that she will be at the awards; that she will grace the ceremony with her regal and completely out-of-place presence.

Out of place. How can I say that? Her husband is nominated; he is also slated to perform. Yes, out of place because frankly her presence takes the attention off the awards and puts it on Urbans. That is the goal. Last November you may remember that Nicole showed up in an Alexander McQueen gown. Yep, the cost of her gown was more than the cost of several of the other women’s gowns put together. Her pink butterfly dress along with Keith's Tom Ford Sherlock Holmes get-up made all the tabloids and entertainment shows. Of course there was an awards show that evening, but who cares about that? Keith and Nicole where there and HAD to be seen.

That is the point as to why they are in Nashville. Keith is trying to salvage his career, but even if he is made fun of by many at the awards show, it won't matter, because Kidman will be there. Nicole Kidman Superstar. Add to that her "pregnancy" and that’s the story for tomorrow night. It doesn't matter in the least about those silly awards; it’s about being seen. Play that image up Nicole. All those people who think that you care about Nashville will be satisfied. Keith will look like he should be there and there will be a whole lot of photos for the whole world to see of the "Nashvillian Australians" being the simple humble folks they want the world to see. I do wonder if they will pass around some recent photos of their trip to Tahiti or will they just drive home early to their humble Nashville home?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm Sure You Thought it Was a Good Idea at the Time...

Amid a grainy picture of a private jet and two people supposedly taken sometime in the last few days on Bora Bora, we had a confirmation from Mr. Urban that he and the wife were in Tahiti. Not a surprise, as our good pal Lainey said in her column recently that a trip was in order for Kidman.

So take a trip Keith. Why the need to brag about it? Do you think the audience can relate to how hard you have it that you had to take a trip to an island that few people in your audience can ever afford to go to? Of course we had to have pictures, but none from where they stayed - a luxury yacht.

Oh yeah, a boat folks, but not just any boat! Only the 5th largest private yacht in the world. Three levels, luxury, privacy, just what the world’s happiest couple wants. Of course it is. Because out on the water no one can see the tension. No one can see how much time they actually spent together on that boat. If the deplaning is any indication, these two are about as together as some other celebrity couples like Brit and KFed, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger and Pamela Anderson and Keith's old swimming buddy Kid Rock. These two happy-to-be-parents aren't happy at all, and it’s more and more obvious, and they can't hide from it. That will play out in time and we will be there to watch it, so all we can do right now is point out the obvious.

Which brings us back to the subject at hand. I wonder how many people in that audience had to give up something to afford those tickets to the show, as well as parking and concessions (and of course a plastic t-shirt)? I wonder if that will be their only concert this year? How many in your audience, Keith, will also be going to Bora Bora this year? Sorry, but what a dork you are turning into. Who cares that you were in Tahiti? How is that making your concert enjoyable? I do wonder if you have any choice about what you say on stage. Were you told to mention it because there are rumors that you really weren't there? That the pictures were actually older and grainy on purpose so that the "bump" wasn't noticeable? Did you get your tan elsewhere Keith? If you got one on the boat wouldn't a photographer see you sunning yourself on the top deck? It makes a skeptical person wonder. Why would Keith brag about a trip? He never has before; not a trip with her that is. Instead of bragging about your four day trip on the same day you are asking the average Jane and Joe to contribute to Idol Gives Back, why not contribute the money spent on your "vacation" to some worthy cause? Sorry, I forgot the farm boy from Caboolture has the first coin he ever earned, so he isn't going to part with any coins. That's why he entered into the contractual agreement in the first place.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Fame Addiction - Characteristic #63: Ostentatious Consumption

You think he would have learned when he drove around in the Bentley? Over the weekend, while the happy couple seems to have fallen off the face of the earth, it was announced that Nicole Kidman and her husband Keith Urban purchased a $7.6 million dollar home in the section of L.A. called Brentwood. There was also a rumor, and that is all it is at this time because those hired by Kidman to preserve her image, have not confirmed it, that the Kidman’s have purchased a $3 million dollar home not far from Keith's former home in Nashville.

How interesting that the Kidman’s are putting down roots and buying very expensive homes in closed off areas of the two cities where they work the most out of. Also interesting that this news was released at the same time that People magazine did a story on which celebrity couples make the most money.

People magazine claims that Keith made more than Nicole in 2007. Whoever made more doesn't matter; what matters is the amount was well over $60 million dollars. $60 million dollars? Sorry, but it amazes me that these two can get two cents for anything that they put out in 2007. The sadder thing is, that with this knowledge, it just cements more and more how out of touch both of these two is with the reality that is day to day living. Yes, if you can earn millions of dollars, go for it! That’s a true American pursuit but, and this is a big but, do not flaunt that money by bragging and living a pretentious lifestyle.

I understand the house in Brentwood. Kidman and her one true love lived there for over a decade. Her best friend, a more talented actress, has a home there. It is where Kidman stayed when Keith was in institutional time out.

Oh and if it matters, her acquired prop children are close by. Brentwood was always exclusive and private. We are not going to see the home at all. This may be the home Kidman lives in for the rest of her life out of sight. Having a home in L.A. also means that people will not be able to be bribed to leak news about Kidman, for example, that her husband was eating alone when he was supposed to be with her; or, that they always had the same kind of suite; and, if they were having an argument during the early morning hours. Now the neighbors are blessed with the motorcycle blazing off and the ghostly white mistress of the house sitting by the koi ponds at three in the morning because she can't sleep.

Nashville isn't L.A. There are large homes there but they are for the most part outside of Nashville. When Keith was building his first solo home in Nashville, the one that was recently sold, not the one he owned with his former supermodel fiancĂ©e, he said that he wanted some place that he would be able to write music, a place that wasn't “Alan Jackson big”. The home that many thought that a certain tabloid darling had bought is rumored now to be the home that Kidman bought so Keith could have a place to live when he makes his twice yearly visits to Music City. I just bet you are asking why I think Kidman was behind the purchase? It is obvious that Kidman has no clue about Keith’s real audience; real people who are not impressed by ostentatious displays of wealth.

Country music is about people who may only be able to go to one or two shows a year; people for whom the current economic situation is grave. Yep, if you can afford a three million dollar home go ahead and live there, but to just have a home that you can visit twice a year while others are losing their homes to foreclosure is tacky; it’s obscene. But what do we expect from a woman who uses her private jet like it is a taxi? What do we expect from a woman who costs money for the business she is in, yet demands contracts and is paid for those roles based on a long ago semi-successful run? My dear Nicole, if you put yourself on top of the hill you are simply setting yourself to be toppled off that hill. Keith is obviously addicted to the moneyed lifestyle and that can be cured. How? By not contributing to it. What was wrong with the farm that they were building? Did they have to have a home because they need to be seen in Nashville? Yes, everyone knows that Kidman hates Nashville. We also know that Keith loves the city. Of course living pretentiously makes him less the man that would be found at a local club chatting with the locals and more of the man that supposedly needs a bodyguard. And that is what Kidman has always wanted with Keith, a way to keep him from the public. A way to create a mystery about them so they can create an aura that some will want to explore, thus it contributes to the fame. It is sick, and sad, and oh so obvious.

We will get to see Keith pushing the baby carriage around a park. We will see Keith and Nicole eating out in those quaint Nashville restaurants they have been to before and we will not see them in their home, in their pool, on the tennis court or walking the grounds of the estate, because that would ruin the effect wouldn't it? This has worked for years for Kidman, living life in private and presenting a front to the public. It simply looks sad and wasteful and obviously covers up what is lacking in the Kidman household.

I guess Australia was home until it wasn't useful anymore. The same will be said of Nashville for Kidman. My wish is that Keith realizes that you don't have to live in a huge mansion to create a home. Houses can take up a lot of space; homes are in your heart.

Finally, I am stealing this from a post from one of the original skeptics on a Keith site, about the Nashville house, when do you think they evicted Jed, Granny and Elly Mae?

N.B.: While we were preparing to publish this blog, Kidman's rep supposedly denied the purchase of the Brentwood property. Haha!

A follow up:

Yes, oh yes, they denied that she bought the house. Of course they would. Do you think they want people to know where it is? Do you think they want people to know they are dumping Oz as soon as the kid is hatched and splitting to a place that Kidman prefers? Because her kids are there or because her one true love is close by? Do you think that they want you to know how much was spent on the house? Just like they didn't want you to know that she was engaged. Or that they were getting married in Australia. Or that Keith was in fact institutionalized at Betty Ford. Nope, all good things come to those who wait. So a broker buys the house and eventually they live there; no foul, no harm, and another chapter in “I Am Just One Crazy Fameho” by Nicole Mary Kidman Cruise Urban. And the best friend is a better actress and even Kidman knows that.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Wasted before he cheats Jesus take the wheel away from the so small all american girl...

A couple of blogs ago we suggested that Keith Urban was getting quite aroused as he was performing a duet with Carrie Underwood. With the do-me boots, the faux hair and tight jeans, Miss Underwood was quite the little vixen. Since that show we have had the news that Carrie broke up with her boyfriend and Keith has been down under in house arrest. As they join up again we will see what the next few weeks will bring in terms of performances. Are we seeing some very public foreplay or are we seeing two people acting with one another? Well, look who we are dealing with.

Exhibit A: Keith Urban, 40, foreign-born, wealthy both on his own and through a marriage, and an expectant father; has a long standing reputation of being a horn dog. Exhibit B: Carrie Underwood, 25, from small town rural America; earned her fame by appearing on a national talent show and recording two successful CD's. Underwood is single and is considered America's sweetheart.

If you were taking bets what would you bet? These two are primed to hook-up? Most would say that when you put two people like this together in a road situation it may happen. Both have commented about the other. Carrie has said she has had a bit of a crush on Keith and Keith supposedly has said she is very sexy. Yep, this might be the biggest scandal in a very long time. Will it happen? Do we want it to happen? My answer to both is no and yes.

Will it happen? No. Why? Since rehab there has been little about Keith Urban, the sexy, flirting, horn dog out there. He is boring, not sexy, and he isn't hot at those premieres or awards shows. There aren't any loud rumblings about groupies, personal meet & greets or girlfriends on the road. Is he a saint? Who knows? Is it because he is honoring his marriage vows or is there something more? I believe that staying sober has been so important to him that he isn't looking. Well, he wasn't until Miss Underwood, but even if that would be what he wants, the real reason that it won't happen will be because Underwood would be a fool to let it happen.

Underwood does need to be shown as being sexual. She hasn't yet. A big fat affair would do that. Show her to be carnal and raw and America's Sweetheart disappears. This is good, but depending on who it is it could be very bad. If it’s Keith Urban it would be very bad. Why? Because he is married and his wife is having a baby. Second, even though we dislike her, a lot of the world adores Kidman, and Underwood could not survive that slice on her reputation. Third, Carrie is still climbing up the ladder and a move like this could really ruin her relationship with her core audience, families. She is still pure in a lot of ways, even at 25, to her audience. They are her building blocks and pissing them off could prove fatal. Remember what has happened to Keith's core audience of women age 25-50, as he got involved with Kidman and stays with her? They are leaving and have left. They have gone on to others and remembering never to put their loyalty with an artist again. Finally, the main reason I think nothing will happen is that Keith is too old. Sorry Keith, but you have way too much water under the bridge to be attractive to a young beautiful woman like Carrie. Urban's career is in free fall. He isn't the hot thing. It shows.

As much as some of us want it to happen, it probably won't. Why do we want it to happen? Because a lot of us miss the sexy Keith. The flirt, the pretty boy, maybe it was all an image, but that image got a lot of us through cold evenings and boring predictable lives. We also believe he deserves to be happy and he just isn't with Kidman. That is more than obvious. The man just doesn't look happy, he doesn't look sated. As much as we want something, we have to learn to let karma take its course. I also think he can do better than Underwood, too. But the call will be Underwood's. Here is a suggestion, instead of singing Stop Draggin My Heart Around perhaps Carrie can sing I Will Stop Carrying Your Tired Boring Ass Around On My Tour. Oh, Keith, it’s just so sad, isn't it? You just can't win.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Do We Hate Nicole?

One of the comments on this blog recently asked why the skeptics hate Nicole Kidman so much. We are even called skeptihaters or some other stupid name. Frankly, this seems baffling to this writer because what we do with this blog is just point out some very obvious and interesting observations and opinions about the whole Kidman /Urban coupling.

I never really had any kind of issue with Kidman before she entered Keith Urban’s life and assassinated his career, image and personal life. I was aware of her, she was married to one of my favorite actors, her one true love. I saw a few of her movies; she was okay, not a great actress at all. She is no Streep or even a personality like Julia Roberts. She was just in a lot of magazines I read and she didn't matter. To this day she still doesn't matter except she has ruined the career and personal life and image of someone that actually put some time and effort into himself, that being Keith Urban.

She brought the cancer that is called fame into his life. I believe he thought it was a good thing at the time the whole mess started. I don't think he was unwilling to be a part of it. I think he lost control of it and it snowballed and started to be destructive -not just to his career but to his very being and for that I blame Nicole Kidman.

Kidman grew up in the spotlight, literally. She was in her teens when she used her ambition and her body to move up the stair steps of fame. Role to role, more and more successful boyfriends, until she got whammed by her one true love. I do believe that she actually had the ability to love and that was with that man. It's the belief that I have that she was capable of love and that when that particular man left her she died inside and fame became her lover.

What a lover fame is! It told her she was glamorous, desirable and talented. It told her she could have what ever man she wanted. That she was the best mother, sister and friend. Fame seduced and made Nicole Kidman addicted. Fame is a lie. It’s built on whimsy and make-believe. There is no substance nor sustenance to it. When it leaves, it’s worse than another rejecting you because there is no replacement for it. That is where Nicole Kidman is today. Her fame is leaving and she has nothing to replace it with. No life outside of being famous. Her current husband knows there is life outside of fame; that is where his angst is. He knows there is more and the internal struggle must be terrible.

To answer our commenter, do we hate Nicole Kidman? No. We pity her because while all of us have lives, hers consists of one photo op after another. Her existence is made of fluff.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Muse Speaks, Part Two

Dear Keith,

Thank you so much for trying to get me back into your world. I really appreciate all the time and attention that you have sent my way. It’s wonderful to know you actually care about me.

Reluctantly, I decided to limit my time with you to only a few live gigs. I wanted to see how you would react during a live performance. Much to my surprise, you were genuinely happy to have me with you and it showed. Your long time fans noticed how “in” to the music you were, almost like the Keith they remember and long for. And for a moment, I forgot you are “new, improved and clean cut” too.

I know you have read the reviews from your gigs in Australia and you have to be disappointed. I am. There was a time that being compared to “processed cheese on white bread” would have kicked up the fighter in you and sent you straight to your writing zone. Is this truly what you wanted - to be lumped into the bucket with Air Supply and Ronald McDonald? Oz has been the brass ring that you just can’t seem to catch but are those who think your music is “synthetic and anonymous” worth all this?

I tried to warn you that the music on the Pain CD was below your creative abilities. It’s no secret that the music on that record took a strange turn and has not lived up to the expectations but you know that, right?

“His sound is too smooth and generic to inspire.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

C’mon Keith. WAKE UP!

Step away from the sideshow and change the things that are within your reach to change. I am so ready to take on this fight with you but yet…where are you?

Love,
Your Muse

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Keith Urban Anonymous (KUA) - The Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we are powerless over Keith Urban - that our lives had become obsessive.

2. We came to believe that other country music artists and life pursuits could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn Keith Urban's life and career over to the care of Camp Urban and Nicole Kidman's PR team.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman.

5. We admitted to the skeptics, to ourselves, and to other human beings, the exact nature of our skepticism, obsession and infatuation.

6. We were entirely ready to have the tabloids expose all Keith Urban's defects of character.

7. We humbly asked Keith Urban to please, please, get back to the music and dump the "wife".

8. We made a list of all the bunnies and monkeys who buy into the fairytale, and became willing to tell them all "we told ya so" when the time is appropriate.

9. We made honest and diligent attempts to stop buying tabloids, purchasing Keith Urban merchandise and attending shows, except when to do so, would seriously disappoint others.

10. We continued to take every opportunity to expose the farce and the true nature of The Aussie Power Couple's union.

11. We sort through tabloids and Google alerts, to remind ourselves that Keith Urban, as we knew him, is long, long gone.

12. Having had a rude awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to skeptics and bunnies and monkeys alike, and to practice these principles in all future affairs regarding Keith Urban and his "extraordinary wife".

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Like Mother and Father...

The Happily Married Couple..... APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There seems to be a bidding war these days for new baby pictures. JLo has set the standard very high getting close to six million for the shots of her recently birthed twins. Of course, we know no one will be as famous or notable as the lovely Nicole Kidman, so the arrival of her baby will make that six million pale for the millions that Kidman and her sperm donor and their offspring will rake in.

Let’s face facts, babies look about the same. They are round and pink and are dressed in infant wear. Totally cute, but bland. Kidman is into trends and what is trendier than the organic baby? The natural infant, if you want to coin a phrase.So here is the first baby portfolio…Naked Baby.

Yes, that’s right! The loveable, adorable, little moppet au naturel; the first pictures of baby Kidman completely naked. The little bambino as the creator intended her to be shown. No question about her heritage, nor her parts, or lack there of. Who needs designer baby wear? Who needs organic diapers touching her skin? She will be naked for the first year of life.

It’s not like this is a new concept to either of her parents. Keith is as famous for selling copies of Playgirl as he is for singing banal love songs. And the little mother, well name a film where Nicole hasn't been naked or hinted at being natural? Both parents strive to be physically strong and attractive by working out, playing tennis, and doing yoga. Both parents take care of their physical appearance, they have good teeth and eye care and regular doctors appointments. All of that leads to having a perfect daughter. Why not show her off as she is? This is so Nicole! No hiding the infant in a coat or waiting five months for the first shot; no, plans are being made to have the first shot right out of the womb and having the organic natural baby out there for all the world to see. What a great concept and a multi million dollar picture!