Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Like Mother and Father...

The Happily Married Couple..... APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There seems to be a bidding war these days for new baby pictures. JLo has set the standard very high getting close to six million for the shots of her recently birthed twins. Of course, we know no one will be as famous or notable as the lovely Nicole Kidman, so the arrival of her baby will make that six million pale for the millions that Kidman and her sperm donor and their offspring will rake in.

Let’s face facts, babies look about the same. They are round and pink and are dressed in infant wear. Totally cute, but bland. Kidman is into trends and what is trendier than the organic baby? The natural infant, if you want to coin a phrase.So here is the first baby portfolio…Naked Baby.

Yes, that’s right! The loveable, adorable, little moppet au naturel; the first pictures of baby Kidman completely naked. The little bambino as the creator intended her to be shown. No question about her heritage, nor her parts, or lack there of. Who needs designer baby wear? Who needs organic diapers touching her skin? She will be naked for the first year of life.

It’s not like this is a new concept to either of her parents. Keith is as famous for selling copies of Playgirl as he is for singing banal love songs. And the little mother, well name a film where Nicole hasn't been naked or hinted at being natural? Both parents strive to be physically strong and attractive by working out, playing tennis, and doing yoga. Both parents take care of their physical appearance, they have good teeth and eye care and regular doctors appointments. All of that leads to having a perfect daughter. Why not show her off as she is? This is so Nicole! No hiding the infant in a coat or waiting five months for the first shot; no, plans are being made to have the first shot right out of the womb and having the organic natural baby out there for all the world to see. What a great concept and a multi million dollar picture!

30 comments:

notachance said...

Sorry, don't think it will happen. Matter of fact, I don't think they will "sell" any pictures of their baby. I do believe they will take the high road, in order to set themselves apart from the rest of the Hollyweird pack, and just give the first pic's to maybe a Vanity Fair shoot - and a tasteful one at that.

Kidman knows how to play the game -as you are all so willing to point out. How better than to NOT take any money to prove to Hollyweird that she is better than all the rest?

yingyang said...

Naked NK baby, I'm going to puke!
I can't wait for their "natural" baby to take a nasty poo on NK.
Let's see how long "natural" baby will last.

doublewide said...

funny blog!

sometimes i think kidman knows how to play the game, and sometimes she's so transparent, thinking everybody is gonna believe her hype, that i am in doubt.

funny about the poo yingyang

isitoveryet said...

Good teeth - are you sure you are talking about Kidman? They're yellow and black???

Naked baby would not surprise me in the least - I'll even go as far to say that mother will be naked in the pose as well, and she'll use the organic baby to cover her private parts!

yingyang said...

isitoveryet said...

I'll even go as far to say that mother will be naked in the pose as well, and she'll use the organic baby to cover her private parts!

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Oh My Gowd! are you trying to make me a size 0 also, I think i'm going to puke again at the thought of 2 naked NK'S

Sickens me even more to know someone would sell their baby's photo's to the highest bidder's
what a nightmare of a life to be born into, I pitty the poor little urban already

Sonora_Melody said...

"yingyang said...
Sickens me even more to know someone would sell their baby's photo's to the highest bidder's
what a nightmare of a life to be born into"

Are you talking about JLo and Christina Aguilera, who just pocketed the proceeds from their baby's photos? There's no mention of them donating the proceeds to charity. So far, neither Nicole nor Keith nor any of their reps have mentioned anything about their baby's photos.

music said...

Or there's this disturbing visual courtesy of Ted C.:

"Bet Flynet’ll be in the delivery room filming N.K.’s delivery."

don't believe the lies said...

The only way that they'd offer millions for her babies picture is because nobody can still believe that the pasty wench is popping out the kid. Oh and she'll whore it out to the paps. No worries there. If it gets her ugly mug in a magazine or on the tv she'll do it and not even think twice about it.

maclen said...

...And the little mother, well name a film where Nicole hasn't been naked or hinted at being natural?"

In fact, if you look at her films that are repleat with sex and nudity...birthday girl, dogville...human stain... birth...fur... are among her lowest grossing movies! Smart, keep trying to give the people what they dont want! and as for the baby cover price... Ive already written I believe she is gonna pull a "suri". Delay in revealing the kid... for starters no way that kidman's obviously malnourished, pale, and certainly underweight baby is going to even come close to J-lo's twins price to the mags...and certainly not if its true that jolie also has twins....(unless of course kidman bags some aussie sucker to bankroll it) So it seems likely she will delay the first cover photo, let the kid grow and put a little weight on for the "premiere" of the kid, and of course, repeat the suri pose of sticking the kid in her half zipped coat...which she already tried with her sis's kid... and yet all that will not prevent her film Australia from tanking at the box office.

LilyRose said...

You all are assuming the baby is HEALTHY at delivery and able to do a long, hot, grueling photo shoot shortly after birth. (It great to hope for the best as long as you prepare for the worst.)

I predict at LEAST low birth weight from her smoking and exercising excessively. A mom over 40 also increases the risks of birth defects, Down's Syndrome, physical and mental disabilities, etc. Not to mention potential injuries that can occur during child birth itself - especially if NK really is planning to have her parents deliver the baby. If her baby isn't "perfect" will she hide him/her from the public? If she tries to pull the "Poor me, my child isn't perfect" card the public WILL backlash and blame her for excessive exercising and irresponsible actions during pregnancy.

realitycheck said...

It would be silly to blame Nicole for any defects because they can happen whether or not you are exercising. Three hour workouts....talk about a myth thats been perpetuated on the gossip boards! And there's no proof she's been drinking or smoking despite the skepti-haters wishful thinking.

Why not just admit that its irrelevant what Keith and Nicole decide to do about baby pics. Because in the end they will be criticized for whatever route they take. Look at when they wanted to use their wedding photo for charity. The media were the ones who didnt donate and KUNK were the ones who got criticized on the gossip boards. Something is very wrong with that.

yingyang i hope you are just as sickened by JLo and Christina's pocketing the money as you would be with Nicole doing the same. Its only fair.

isitoveryet said...

realitycheck - FYI - I have a friend who is due the same time as Kidman. She has always done aerobics. She continued to do her same exercise regimen. She is now on permanent bed rest until she has the baby because she has gone into pre-mature labor, and guess what the doctor told her was the cause of her condition? Excessive exercise!

isitoveryet said...

Comparing JLo & Christina to Nic - let's just see how Nicold will pose in the pictures compared to the other two ladies!

isitoveryet said...

I also have to add - if the Aussie Power Couple were truly a private couple like they brag about all the time. A baby photo spread would not be an option for them! They wouldn't even consider it!

cricket said...

Ole Nikkers will probably skip People and go straight for Playboy.That way she can just go ahead and get it all out there.Nik and the baby both naked with Nikkers hand down between her legs as usual. Kidman and the baby both looking like starved twigs with hardly any hair.Sounds like a lovley picture doesn't it?. And crazy Old Nikkers will think they look wonderful.

yingyang said...

realitycheck said...
yingyang i hope you are just as sickened by JLo and Christina's pocketing the money as you would be with Nicole doing the same. Its only fair.

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I'm sick sick sick of both Jlo and CA.. I'm even sicker of NK, I hate to say it, I do like AJ tho.. So, go figger

realitycheck said...

Well i cant stand JLo and AJ or BP for that matter. Christina has some true talentt but i dont like her fashion sense.


Thanks Umyths for the lovely picture of the lovely couple. I had already seen it, but its nice to see it again. No sarcasm intended!

Jeniecho said...

I will probably get bashed on here, but oh well.
I have to admit, this blog was funny at first for all the Nicole haters.
Actually, it's kinda scary to think you actually hate this woman so much, this woman Keith is totally in love with.
When you look at the pics of them, he is so happy. She is happy. They are adorable.
I think it's weird how you make up all this stuff, and you act like you actually know them. It's his life and he is happy, so leave it at that.
I agree with his career, it's not the same. But, oh well! I am sure it's not all her fault! I am not a Nicole fan at all. But, I can feel the hatred towards her on this blog, and it's scary.
I love keith Urban and his music, he is so sweet and sincere.Check out my blog and see our pic..he is one of a kind! That won't change and I won't like him any less just because he married Nicole.
It's his talent that I love and that certainly has not gone anywhere!
I am not trying to be mean, I enjoy reading this blog..it's just that I don't agree. I'm sorry.

Urban Myths said...

WOW! I even added "April Fool's" to the blog and you guys still don't get it. I guess the humor was too subtle.

maclen said...

Urban Myths said...
"WOW! I even added "April Fool's" to the blog and you guys still don't get it. I guess the humor was too subtle."

Yes, Urban Myths, I have commented before on the "humorlessness" of the kidman or urban supporters. So they'll miss any humor when it is intended, as they seem to revel in their "shock" at the "insults"... or they are "concerned at "the hatred towards her on this blog, and it's scary."... (try and take my word, the "hatred" will not jump out of your computer screen and harm you!) And also believe, celebs will willingly take all the positive, and gushing, and fawning attention they so desperately crave...so much so they will readily take, or overlook any critisizm that Womans Day... Womans Weekly... Star or the national enquirer, or blogs like this one constantly put out... along with these same celebs released leaks and media plants... no, I dont feel too sorry for them... and no, I will not jump out of my computer screen either and try and scare you... promise... so try and chill.

doublewide said...

Yes, Urban Myths, I have commented before on the "humorlessness" of the kidman or urban supporters. So they'll miss any humor when it is intended, as they seem to revel in their "shock" at the "insults"... or they are "concerned at "the hatred towards her on this blog, and it's scary."... (try and take my word, the "hatred" will not jump out of your computer screen and harm you!) And also believe, celebs will willingly take all the positive, and gushing, and fawning attention they so desperately crave...so much so they will readily take, or overlook any critisizm that Womans Day... Womans Weekly... Star or the national enquirer, or blogs like this one constantly put out... along with these same celebs released leaks and media plants... no, I dont feel too sorry for them... and no, I will not jump out of my computer screen either and try and scare you... promise... so try and chill.

our dislike of nicole, (i have never said i hated her) is not gonna jump out and beat the living daylights out of you as maclen said. what bunk!

i agree keith still has the super talent, but he's not the same as he used to be. and yeah, i blame most if not all on HER, shoot me if you will, i really dont' care. she doesn't give a rip about keith's career and it has suffered greatly. it's not about the music anymore, it's about HER HER HER.....and i don't believe keith loves her at all. he is bound by a contract. that ain't love. those of us who have followed him for a long time know something isn't right.

in very few pictures of them together does he look happy. tell me, if any of you can how she has helped his career? and i don't mean fame. i mean no 1 songs, cd sales, awards, etc.

if i'm not mistaken in byron bay and maybe some other oz places, keith didn't even do GIRTT or OIAL, both supposedly about HER.....but we skeptics know they're not.

but that's beside the point. if our "dislike" of the woman bothers you so much, go elsewhere.

maclen said...

doublewide said:
"...in very few pictures of them together does he look happy. tell me, if any of you can how she has helped his career?"

Yeah, doublewide, I always crack up at the claims by this "couples" supporters that they are smiling and laughing in the photos of them at her premieres or awards show redcarpets... that must just prove they are happy right? No she is just doing her job ... it's acting... while their everyday... yet highly manipulated photo ops... its kidman who is still acting... smiling and waving at the hated paps while the orb ignores the paps and is not smiling... urban is not an actor... that tells me more than a "hollywood" staged premiere or awards posed pic.

getaholdofurself said...

is he so self-absorbed and fame hungry that he would bring a child into a loveless, contractual marriage? if the answer is yes, what a despicable human being!

CJ said...

"Is he so self-absorbed and fame hungry that he would bring a child into a loveless, contractual marriage?"

I'm not convinced this is a naturally made child by Nic and Keith. Who's to say some in vitro wasn't going on during those fertility treatments. Nic doesn't seem to have much, if any, respect for her hubby. Why would she want to have a child with an addict she doesn't respect and maybe even doesn't like much anymore (if she ever did). I really hope Keith has a paternity test done. It might not matter but he should know the truth one way or the other. Nic is all about appearances. She doesn't care about the truth. As long as the "good little Catholic" has a child while married and everyone thinks it's her husbands" that's probably good enough for her. Can't wait to see how Control Freak Kidman handles a baby she can't control.

cricket said...

Cj she'll control it just like the other 2 kids she purchased.She'll hand it off to the nanny and tell her to shut that fu^^in kid up or she's fired. She'll spend months on location getting into character for a movie that no one wants to see,leaving a team of nannies to raise the baby.

CJ said...

I think, but could be wrong, that Keith would make a great hands on dad IF she allows him to be. If the prenup rumor is true, and the kid goes with mom and can't leave the country mom is in, then Keith will only see the kid every other week when he takes off from touring to go back to the wife. Otherwise he will have to completely give up his career to follow her from movie set to movie set to raise the child.

Imahick said...

I guess I don't see the happiness in pictures. There are some pictures in which Keith is smiling...mostly the posed pictures on the red carpet or at premieres. The candid pictures (which are likely planned by NK) do not show a man who is happy. He looks tense, uncomfortable and out of place. If he loves this woman and is so very happy and balanced, why rehab within 4 months of the wedding? Why is he the only one making an effort in this relationship?

Nope...not buying it. I used to think there was love involved. Now, I think it's obligation. Partly contractual...partly because he's married and he is stubborn, so he is going to hang in there if it's the last thing he does.

NK is a manipulator. She is controlling. She feels entitled...not grateful or blessed to be wealthy and healthy and have two healthy children. She is just always playing a "woe is me" victim.

I don't hate her. I don't really care about her one way or another. I only dislike how she seems to have impacted Keith and his career. If he looked thrilled to be with her and was making great music and looked happy, then, I could care less whether he's married to her or someone else.

But the man who won ETOY and MV in 05 seems to be MIA. He used to be funny and quick witted. Now he seems on edge and disinterested. He has lost much of his sense of humor. His music, although I still enjoy it, seems superficial compared to past inspirations ... especially those on GR. His past performances were masterful and spontaneous. He is still a phenomenal entertainer, but there is little spontenaity any more.

Most of these changes have taken place in the last 2 1/2 years. I wonder what else has happened in the last 2 1/2 yrs? Could he have been ... gasp ... kidmanized????

It's just too obvious to me to be coincidence. The sad thing is that many of the skeptics predicted it in August 05, right after the first pictures were out. And I didn't believe it until early 2006...and by then, the transformation was nearly complete.

banbotox said...

Great Blog!!
I laughed all the way through it. Having a little KUNK naked on the pages of VF or People.

Too bad some have lost their sense of humor-following in Keith's footsteps I see. Shame...

getaholdofurself said...

i agree that keith looks irritated and/or guarded in many of the recent pap photos. what i have a hard time wrapping my head around is the theory that this marriage is contractual. did mum and dad urban raise a fraud? the day i believe he's capable of entering into a business deal that involves an innocent child is the day i stop putting money in his pocket.

CJ said...

Since Tom just had a story and pictures published of him playing with Suri in the park NK will have to copy him soon. She might not be able to wait to do it with her own child though. She'll probably do it with the sister's kid(s) now and again in a year or two with her own. Trust that the idea was filed away for later retrieval when she needs a photo op.