Friday, April 18, 2008

First Annual Urban Myths Music Festival - Day One

This weekend we are celebrating the first annual Urban Myths Musical Festival. Pull up a chair, relax, and sing along. A special thank you to our sponsors this year: Big Red Soda, Cheetos, and M&M's!

Am I Still A Guy?
(sung to the tune of Brad Paisley's "I'm Still A Guy")

When you see a deer you see new shoes
And I see Thumper in a pickle jar
When you see a lake you think photo op
And I see a place to make out
You’re probably thinking that you’re going to change me
In some ways well maybe you have
Scrub me down, dress me like Tom oh but no matter what
Remember I’m still a guy

When you buy a million dollar French painting
I see a drunk, naked girl
You think that riding around in my tour bus is crazy
But I love that shower in the back
Well contracts make a man do some things he ain’t proud of
And in a weak moment I might paint your toenails, carry your cavernous white purse
But remember, I still wanna be the guy

I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in public
Write a love song that you’ll pretend to love
Then turn right around and scream at the paps to settle down
‘Cause they caused you great fear as we walked by

I can hear you now talking to your only girlfriend
Saying, “Yeah he’s come a long way”
From hanging out at Losers and texting Amanda
And banging brunettes in the back of the bus
But when you say a foot rub means a “spa” foot rub
Then you swat my hand when I get tired
Well, now what can I say at the end of the day
Princess, I’m really still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in public
Write a love song that you’ll pretend to love
Then turn right around and scream at the paps to settle down
‘Cause they caused you great fear as we walked by

These days I’m busy getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With a deep spray-on tan and creamy lotiony hands
I can’t grip my guitar at all

Yeah with all of these men lining up to get neutered
I’m so glad I ended up in rehab
I highlight my hair
Don’t’ remember if I still have a pair
Hey Pasty, am I still a guy?’

Oh my eyebrows are plucked
There’s too much room in my tight jeans
Oh Dear God, please let me still be a guy.


Lyrics by: Psychedelic Pants

31 comments:

isitoveryet said...

I believe that is gonna be a #1 hit! I'll be staying for the music festival - is there a campground nearby?

Great blog! Whose got the Cheetohs - pass them my way, please? I can't wait for the next hit!

Mr. Kidman - did you realize your peers are publicly bashing you now?

Whatever said...

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

White Trash said...

Randy's review...I don't know...sounded a little pitchy at the beginning and flat at the end, but yo Dog I think it was just okay!

Paula's review...Might I say I really love your outfit tonight, it's just...well, you got it going on.

Simon's review...I know the audience (fellow bloggers) aren't going to like what I have to say, but I feel like I'm listening to a second rate singer in a karoke bar...Hated it! Almost as if I ordered a hamburger and all I got was the bun!


***Gotta LOVE Simon!***

doublewide said...

isitoveryet, i have the cheetohs and big red soda!

love the song....so true

ShutUpAndSing said...

LOL white trash..you have it down prefect!

I think of Keith every time I hear Brad's song on the radio!

CJ said...

Thank you UM. Since it's mid April and there's no word Keith will be at Fan Fair this year - AGAIN - this is as close as we'll get. 3rd year in a row he's not doing anything for his over priced under serviced fan club. Anyone see the coincidence in the timing?

maclen said...

This is a very good idea Urban Myths... if urban's people were wise enough to check out this site, they might get the idea that urban should start doing covers of current country stars. Since his own "personal" stuff is DOA... borrowing others might get his some better sales and success.
As for urban not going to this Fan Fair, CJ, or as its now called, CMA Music Festival... from what I read at the official site, they perform...and sign autographs for fans. Well, firstly that is not a "photo op" worthy gig for kidman to even consider...sitting with the orb listening to his last remaining fans gushing over the orb... and not that he'll make any more fans if he skips this again, which is sorely needed by him... but it's obvious the orb also apparently doesnt feel the need to show up and mingle with country fans...he'd prefer to simply ride underwood's coattails.

isitoveryet said...

Are there chances for a meet & greet at this music festival? If so, I have my question ready for the Q & A part of the M & G?

"When was the last time you saw your balls?"

biteme said...

isitoveryet said...
Are there chances for a meet & greet at this music festival? If so, I have my question ready for the Q & A part of the M & G?

"When was the last time you saw your balls?"

OMG, that is hilarious!

maclen said...

...this is a little off topic, but just wanted to note it. It seems on suri cruise's 2nd birthday, kidman has decided to try the opposite tactic in her leaking stories to insinuate herself into tomkat business ...

http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620113.shtml

... claims kidman is... or will... or intends... to fight for cruise's adoptive kids. Yes, she wants it now known she is a concerned and caring mother, for a change, i suppose.

Rotomahana said...

You guys are all so hillarious!!!!

I haven't heard the original - but i'm off to check it out right now!!!

isitoveryet said...

Can I ask ya'll a question? Why does she have to "fight" for custody? Has her custody been taking away? Again, if this is an issue, why doesn't she go back to court - unless there were issues proven that she isn't a fit mother?

CJ said...

What if the kids don't want her in their lives? If they get a say in who they live with and where they live then they should get a say in this as well.

maclen said...

isitoveryet said...
"Can I ask ya'll a question? Why does she have to "fight" for custody? Has her custody been taking away? Again, if this is an issue, why doesn't she go back to court - unless there were issues proven that she isn't a fit mother?"

I certainly dont believe she has any real intention of making an actual effort to live near or see those kids any more than she has...perhaps that was the intention on the Brentwood house purchase stories that continue to litter the news sites, for the kids. The reality doesnt concern kidman, just the "perception". That is one of the big issues here on Urban Myths, her "percieved" non parenting of the adopted kids....and since it's established that kidmans kreeps read this blog.. they release the appropriate press leaks. And another thing about kidman... she is all gums...(pun intended) which makes her bark worst than her bite... except when it comes to food of course.

realitycheck said...

Umyths, have fun at your festival. I dont know how great a Keith Urban fest can be without Keith Urban but to each his own, right? The attendance will be very small so you should be able to get to know everyone.

CJ said...

Hold on ya'll, let me get my golden lasso of truth. That will make the Q & A of the M & G even more interesting. We can clear up these house purchase stories once and for all. Several others as well.

(Now before any of you accuse me of have delusions of grandeur ALL women are wonder woman. If only we came with her toys...)

isitoveryet said...

"CJ said...
What if the kids don't want her in their lives? If they get a say in who they live with and where they live then they should get a say in this as well."

The kids are of legal age now where they can decide where they want to live - if they want to split their time or stay primarily with one parent.

isitoveryet said...

Geez, I stood in the beer line for a half hour!

Another M & G question I personally want to ask:

"Has you chess game improved since Atlanta? Winning 1 out of 3 isn't good - especially when your game partner let you win!"

Urban Myths said...

Geez, I stood in the beer line for a half hour!

The management apologizes for the long lines. We did not anticipate the huge crowd. We will be better prepared tomorrow. Thanks for coming and enjoying the show. Who needs Mr. Kidman to enjoy a good music festival, eh?

cricket said...

I think the last time Keith saw his balls was Oct 18 2006 the day before she sent him to be rehabbed/reprogrammed.I think she had him neutered along with having him brainwashed.His balls are now sitting next to her Oscar on the mantle, her award for her best performance yet,convincing Keith Urban that she was an extraordinary woman who saved him.

Rotomahana said...

I was thinking...someone should make a nice little video for You Tube with the Brad Paisley song as the soundtrack and pictures of Keith holding handbags as the visuals....I would do it...if i had any clue how. Its a good thing Keith and Nicole left the awards early - that song would have really cut close to the bone!!!

music said...

I was thinking...someone should make a nice little video for You Tube with the Brad Paisley song as the soundtrack and pictures of Keith holding any clue how.
----------------------------
OMG! What a great idea. I wish I knew how to so that. I do think of Keith every time I hear that song. The purse-holding pics would be perfect. And the hat holding, door opening ones too. And you could flash on a pic of Keith's waxed chest, and then one of his really obvious highlighted hairdos at the appropriate times. It would be a youtube hit!

music said...

Then there's the over-done spray-on tan pics of Keith which would be so easy to find. The possibilities are endless! I might have to learn how to create a youtube video...

doublewide said...

yeah! music, i was just about to mention the spray tan! and of course we'd have to flash his wife on when he sings about botox

Lisa said...

I really hope you girls do this youtube thing. And it's SURE to get to keith. As much as he acts so above it all, you KNOW it would reach him!!!


Hahahahaa.... you may walk out of an award show early because you know a song is about to be directed towards you, but we ALL know you sit your ass on youtube and google typing your name in, LOL!!!

He's already given himself away on that.

cricket said...

That would be funny.Baldy's the poster child for Botox.I kind of hate seeing Keith turned into a joke,but I guess if you marry a pathetic joke it's bound to rub off on you.

CJ said...

"I kind of hate seeing Keith turned into a joke,but I guess if you marry a pathetic joke it's bound to rub off on you."

Three years ago, pre-Kidman, we wouldn't have had the ammo to use for such a project. I wonder if Keith misses the "my private life was kept private" days. I sure do.

isitoveryet said...

"cricket said...
I think the last time Keith saw his balls was Oct 18 2006 the day before she sent him to be rehabbed/reprogrammed."

I know someone else had them on September 29 2006!

isitoveryet said...

"The management apologizes for the long lines. We did not anticipate the huge crowd."

Don't worry about it! I had a fun time hanging out with the others in line. We were sticking out our tummys doing our best Kidman impressions!

isitoveryet said...

rotomahana - FANTASTIC idea. I would be on that like fly on shite, but I don't know how to do any that internet/video stuff. This would be extraordinarily funny!

isitoveryet said...

May I suggest for the Botox scene, we use the side by side shot of Skanky and the Bat? We can use the Oompa Loompa pics from the CMT Awards for the spray-on tan. How about the chunky highlights for the highlights part. We can use the swimming pics from St Bart's for the pedicure part, and close-ups of his hands for the manicure. Waxing - any good shot of his chest in a botton-down will do - the same thing for the St Bart's pics. I am a firm believer he has his legs waxed as well.

Can you tell my latte' is starting to kick in this morning? I needed it badly after last night's head-banging performances.