Friday, February 29, 2008

Addendum to our story that is a non-story...

I know so many of you are waiting for that picture to surface of Kidman drinking wine backstage at the Oscars. In my opinion, I don't think you will ever see it. There are often pictures from backstage at the Oscars. We have seen them in People or US but this one would be far too damaging to Ms. Kidman. I will venture an opinion that the picture has been purchased and will never see the light of day. That is a pretty strong statement, isn't it? I have no proof that it has been. But I do believe we would have seen this picture by now if someone hadn’t intervened. As for the other big news this week that poor Jamie has been denied damages by the big court: don't weep too hard. Somehow it’s always Jamie who is there when Nicole is out and about and Jamie who is there when those pesky rumors come up every few months that there is trouble between Keith and Nicole.

Jamie gets that photo that shows us all everything is fine and dandy. Of course, we all believe in photos, don't we? Just like we believe a publicist tells the truth. A couple of other notes to sum up our after Oscar coverage; New Line Cinema has died, the Kidman curse strikes again. Yes, Virginia, one big budget film that fails can take a studio down. Kidman was seen out and about in Los Angeles this week eating lightly and talking loudly about what a good baby-daddy Keith will be, and I agree with that. He will be when he finally has some children. It would be nice if Kidman would be seen with those other two children she had with her one true love. Even if she has seen them privately, how does that woman live with everyone talking about her not seeing them? Of course, like her marriage, there is probably more going on then we will ever know.

I suppose that in Nicole Kidman's world any publicity is good publicity.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

If you want to make a story NOT disappear, then just deny it

Thanks, Nicole, I was afraid I wouldn't get any more blogs out of the Oscars until the news broke in Cindy Adam’s column about your alleged swigging down the fruit of the vine back stage at the Oscars. I don't care if you drinks or not. But I bet the "fetus" does. Think of the poor thing stuck inside your fitted dress not allowed to grow because of the obsessive exercise and diet, and then poof, spreading the old vino into the little system. What a strange and numbing thing for little F to have to experience. Also there are some reports that good old mom is sucking in the cancer sticks as well. What the hell kind of example are you, Nicole? Are you that selfish, and that addicted, that you can't hold back until you are in private and drink and smoke AWAY from your husband and the paparazzi? No wonder those other two children don't live with you.

I wasn't surprised to read this and I wasn't even going to bother commenting until today when this story became so “Kidmaned” that it took on a life of its own. First it was just Cindy, and a lot of people knock her. Yes, she is old, but she is also respected; if she wasn't why would Nicole's good bud Rupert Murdoch keep her on the payroll?

Then our good friend Perez (“I just signed a talent development deal with the Warner company”) Hilton carried. Then the enchanting and fun Michael over at Dlisted picked it up. The result was the story was building. Kidman's first line of defense was to put out the story about Jamie losing his case against her. ran that early on Wednesday. The “poor Nicole” spin was not going to work this time. Not with “anything goes” Nicole. Kidman was looking more and more like the selfish famewhore we have come to loathe, but whom others aren't aware of. So for the next strike, confront one of the bloggers directly. The choice was Perez. Because Perez will run it. This for me was a confirmation that Cindy probably had the accurate story. There was no demand for a retraction from her. No apology to Kidman.

Just a statement that Nicole was drinking tea backstage and a few insults for Perez and Cindy. Oh, Nicole, haven't you learned we don't believe your people? That they spin to lead those who can be led to think something else. The saddest part of this whole thing is that Keith Urban's child has to have that for a mother. What else will we have to endure until this poor fetus is spawned?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pre-Oscar's Conversation

It was reported that Keith was seen eating lunch on his own on Oscar Sunday, at the Four Seasons…what was up with that? Well, it just so happens…

NK: Where the hell is that make-up artist? She was supposed to come back to finish me by 11:00.

Keith: She said it could be 11:30, Baby, just relax. You’re going to look great. When they didn’t get started til 4 this morning, I was a bit worried, but now, I’m confident you’ll be ready, beautiful beautiful princess (swallows hard).

NK: Of course, I’ll look great. That’s not the point. She is well paid to be here.

Keith: She’ll be here, baby. It’s only a couple of minutes after 11. So…have you picked the dress yet?

NK: Do you pay attention ever? I chose the black Balenciaga. You’re hopeless.

Keith: Oh…I had hoped you’d choose something with a bit of color…that deep pink one looked good on you.

NK: I have a child within…I need to dress with class, not like a slut…like some common whore.

Keith: That pink dress is beautiful and I thought you looked good, Nic. You didn’t look slutty … I don’t get….(Phone rings and Keith answers it) Hey Connor, what’s up buddy?.....Yeah…she’s here, just a sec, man.” Nic, it’s Connor. (holding the phone out to NK)

NK: Who?

Keith: Connor…you know, Connor, your son…Tom’s kid?

NK: Right…OK. Did I actually give him the direct number? What is he doing calling here, especially today of all days?

Keith: He says he wants to talk to you about having lunch and going out to see a movie or something tomorrow.

NK: Are you kidding me? Tell him to forget it. It’s impossible. It’s the day after the Oscars…I’ll have interviews and press releases. I can’t take time out of my day for him. I just spoke to him on … Uhmmm…Thursday, I think… what is he all bothered about?

Keith: He wants to see you, Nic. You’ve been in LA for three days and you haven’t even seen him yet. He wants to see his Mum.

NK: Oh for God’s sake. Tell him to grow up and be a man …I don’t have time for this today. I have the red carpet to focus on and a presentation to do.

Keith: Awww Nic, he’s just a kid and he misses you. He hasn’t seen you since May and he’s excited that you’re in town.

NK: Pffft…I spoke to him Thursday and before that, I spoke to him from Tokyo…or was it Sydney before I left for Tokyo. Well, it doesn’t matter, it wasn’t that long ago. He and Isadora can’t expect me to cater to them all the time, can they?

Keith: OK…I’ll tell him you’ll call him tomorrow to set something up … maybe for Tuesday?

NK: If I’m still here on Tuesday, I guess we can do lunch….but no movie. I can’t abide those ridiculous children’s themes….it makes me nauseous. (Keith finishes his conversation with Connor and hangs up)

Keith: You know I support you 100% baby, but I wonder if you should make more of an effort to see your kids…I think Connor especially misses you a lot.

NK: I’m busy. I’m a busy woman and now I have a child inside. My child. What does he expect? I’m exhausted just dragging myself around day in and day out. Does he want to kill me?

Keith: Of course not, baby. He is just a kid who misses his Mother…Oh…forget it.

NK: Don’t pull that on me. I spent many a night laying awake in bed while the nannies tried to shut him up. He had colic…it was horrid. I had to put ear plugs in to filter that never ending screaming out.

Keith: Right…nannies. I hope you don’t plan on having nannies raise OUR child?

NK: Of course they won’t. I have every intention of dealing directly with this child, whenever it’s necessary.

Keith: So…what time are we leaving … the red carpet is starting around 2 pm, right?

NK: We aren’t going at 2 pm, for God’s sake. We go late…to maximize the attention. We go late…to get the carpet to ourselves. Will you ever learn? Did you try on that tux that I picked out for you?

Keith: No…to be honest, it just doesn’t fit well. I bought a new one in New York that I’m going to wear.

NK: You aren’t going to wear the one I picked out? (She thrusts her ginormous lips into a pout) Come on…I want you to wear that one.

Keith: Baby… it isn’t a good fit. I don’t know where you got it, but it just doesn’t work.

NK: Please…it was Tommy’s favorite tux and he looked sooo good in it…I loved Tommy in a tux.

Keith: Well that settles it. I’m won’t be wearing anymore of Tommy’s handmedowns.

NK: Well, you will wear his lifts. I’m sick of not being able to wear heels with you.

Keith: I don’t want to. I could care less if you’re taller than me…I hate those damn shoes.

NK: Stop whining…you’re wearing them. (Faint knock heard at the door; NK peers toward the door) Get that.

(Keith goes to the door and lets in a team of stylists, with dresses, shoes, make up and jewelry. In addition, a waiter enters the room with a trolly of food)

NK: (whispering) OK…the stylists have to be here, but who is that odd little man in the white jacket?

Keith: I ordered some food, baby…I thought you should eat before you get dressed and I was hungry. .

Waiter: Ms Kidman, can I pour you some ice water and prepare your salad?

NK: (Eyes wide) Excuse me? (To Keith) Is he looking directly at me and talking directly to me? Tell him immediately that this is not acceptable….

Keith: Honestly, Nic, he’s just being pleasant and offering to help set up your lunch.

NK: Well, tell him to look away…it’s a shock to my system. Don’t these people know that they can’t actually look AT me or address me without permission? I feel faint. (fans herself)

Keith: Hey…sweetheart…just take a couple of deep breaths. He’ll be here a couple of minutes, then he’s gone. (Keith thanks the man, and gives him a generous tip)

NK: Good Lord…how presumptuous can someone get…to be so forward as to address me personally. What is LA coming to?

Keith: It’s OK baby…relax. (Activity with the beauticians / stylists) They want to do your toes…

NK: Good…they can get rid of that hideous varnish you put on Friday night. That shade of beige is ridiculous. (NK lifts her feet up & Keith bends down and removes her slippers, and nearly falls over from the odor wafting upward from her size 11 feet.)

Keith: Well…I’m sure these people will do a lovely job, Nic. I’m just going to grab a bite to eat in my room and listen to some of the demos Capitol sent me.

NK: You aren’t going to watch me get ready?

Keith: Well, I thought you’d likely want some privacy for all this. The waxing lady is here.

NK: Well, I am not interested in you working, while I’m getting ready. That isn’t going to happen. And the smell of food is making me nauseous…get rid of it.

Keith: Baby, I have a bunch of songs to review…for the next CD. And I’ll move the food into my room so you don’t smell it.

NK: Did I say you could eat? Didn’t I say to get rid of it? GET RID OF IT.

Keith: OK…(pushes the trolly into the hall)

NK: Do you like my diamonds? (Holding up the over the top strings of diamonds aka a chandelier of diamonds!)

Keith: Is that real? Holy crap.

NK: Of course, it’s real. Do you think I’d even consider anything that wasn’t real? It’s going to out do everyone…even that bitch Penelope Cruz. She’ll look small town compared to me.

Keith: It’s a bit much…maybe a bit too much for that dress. I wonder if something simpler might be more appropriate?

NK: Are you questioning my fashion sense?? Honest to God you are getting on my nerves. Get out.

Keith: Sorry baby. I was just …

NK: Get out. Did you hear me? Get out. Come back at 4…and not sooner. I can’t stomach seeing you before then. You shouldn’t be getting me upset in my condition…This child inside me could come out! I could lose my child…because of your selfishness.

Keith: Don’t be upset, Nic. Just calm down. I’ll go out for awhile and grab a bite to eat.

NK: Good…and don’t eat anything stinky…I can’t tolerate it when you’ve had one of those cheese burgers…it grosses me out. My baby will not be eating anything so horrid.

Keith: Our baby.

NK: My baby…and don’t forget it.

(Keith leaves…and is seen frantically texting someone…something about taste…and it isn’t referring to cheese burgers either!)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Thanks Nicole, You Made it Easy For Us

We lived through the pasty one and her bought and paid for husband at the Oscars - at least the pictures say the Oscars and we did actually see her come out and give out a special Oscar but did they ever play it safe. No throng on the red carpet. No meet and greets with her peers. The red-eyed, pulled, and stretched former Oscar winner came with only a few minutes to spare joined by the man who used to be known as Keith Urban. Kidman only talked to a reporter for a second before going into a full pose and bend and stretch to pimp out the bump that seemed to have stalled in its growth. Kidman usually can get a whole year of photos in the tabs by what she wears to the Oscars, but not in the gown she wore last night. Some have said she was matronly while others have said she played it conservative because of the "child inside her".

Whatever and why ever she did what she did, she looked old. Not older but old. I think she may have wanted to go the Princess Grace route but she was trying for the young Grace and what she got was the bloated old Grace before the tumble in the sedan. Kidman didn't look good or even healthy, she looked old.

Check out some of the pictures of her on the carpet. She had more wrinkles than my sister’s Shar Pei. The guy she gave the award to was turned on but I think breathing probably turns him on too, so I don't count his opinion. The fetus didn't even take attention away from our Nic; it was concealed in a fitted gown. Damn it Nicole, we wanted you to sit in the audience too. I wanted to get at least five or six blogs out of you and Keith sitting in the audience, but you had to stay backstage. Your spokesperson said you were sick. Oh, so sad to hear that. Wasn't sickness the reason you stayed away from the Grammy’s too? Was being late also a way to not have the attention taken away from you and toward the man who used to be Keith Urban? One of those pesky journalists might have asked him about winning that second Grammy. Did that scare you?

As for Keith, the man is losing his fight with mortality. Be it with his hair, height (loved the stilt shoes Keith) or in his demeanor. Keith is a walking middle aged man. My how sex-on-two-legs has become such a sad, sad creature. Stopping and walking away from her so the photographers can get their shots. He is well fed, well paid and well trained and well, so over.

Now you are probably wondering if there is dirt. Since they didn't seem to go to any of the parties we won't get too much, but many watching them on the red carpet noticed that there was an air of tension, a sense of anger between them. You will never see that. They have the poses down so well and perhaps that is why they stayed in the back and not in the audience, or why earlier in the day Keith was eating alone in a hotel restaurant. For in those photos everything looks A-ok.One positive thing about all of this is that with the exception of her well timed photo ops, we won't see the skank until the spawning of the fetus and by that time will anyone care? So thanks, Nicole, have a safe ride back to the land that adores you.

Friday, February 22, 2008

The Real Reason for the Grammy Snub

Kidman knew George and Johnny weren't going to be there.

First we have the hideous outfit from February 20 in Japan. Next we have the lovely peignoir for the actual premiere on the 21st. No doubt Kidman and the "fetus" will be meeting up with the sperm donor in LA. What lovely ensemble will she be wearing I wonder? Kidman claims Keith is with her in Japan but there has been no sightings of him.

According to Cindy Adams, Kidman will be in the front row at the 80th Oscar presentation along with George Clooney, former "co-star", and Johnny Depp. Will she walk down the red carpet? Will Keith join her? For a picture of her fake face that the media will carry for a year, Kidman will work the red carpet. Kidman, glowing; Kidman with the "fetus" in some lovely frock that will show that bump off to the entire world. Of course, Kidman will be competing with Cate and perhaps Halle for the bump award. But Kidman has something over them. Her age? The geriatric pregnancy? Nope. She will be joined by her famous sperm donor.

Unlike those other two, Kidman married herself a star in his own right and while Kidman could give a fu*k any other time about Keith and his popularity this will be the golden time to play it. Forbes magazine said they are the third most powerful celebrity couple.

Strut that stuff on the carpet Kidman. That crowd knows who Keith is. Drag your soon to be more successful than you sperm donor with you. I can't wait to see what creation she will outfit Keith in. He went gangster last year. The year before Keith had his first grown up suit. At the CMAs, she put him in a Sherlock Holmes Tom Ford ensemble. Don't worry, Nicole, he will follow your orders. He has, for the most part, lost his sexiness, so now he is just your canvas. Since Brad and Angelina won't be there the Kidman’s will be the couple of the night.

Make no mistake, dear reader, this is her show and her statement. It’s the only time anyone sees her since no one goes to her movies anymore and few care about her personally.

So sit tall and proud Nicole, Keith and little "fetus" we will get to watch you all night long. Do you think they might actually stay for the whole evening? The Vanity Fair party is canceled, so just make sure someone gives Keith his bottle of water so he can have something to do since no one inside the theater will actually know who he is besides being the sperm donor.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

You haven't figured out the Queen of Manipulation yet?

Nicole Kidman is a public figure. Keith Urban is a public figure. How truly low it is that Kidman is using another excuse as to why they were not at the Grammy’s. Point - at the very time period that the Grammy’s were being given out Kidman and Keith were at a photo shoot for HER epic. There is video evidence of this. Point - Keith's spokespeople refuse to answer why he didn't attend the Grammy’s. Point - a little tidbit about the location of the down under wonder couple was leaked to the press when Keith was touring out of the country. Wonder why, don't you? This smells of Kidman and her PR hacks. Keith was getting grief for not going to the Grammy’s, but Kidman was getting more for putting her career above his. For you see she is over in Oz because she is still working on the epic doing looping and photo shoots. Yes, Kidman is still working during the pregnancy and not supporting her husband in accompanying him to the most important award that his industry can give. More important to a musician than an Oscar, the Grammy is something a performer should not take lightly. But there was Keith sitting alone, getting in the way of the shoot. What a missed opportunity for him. His statement shows how much value he placed on the award, so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see why he was in Oz. Nicole Kidman is so self involved that she can't accept that her husband has his own success.

As she and the love of her life were in the same business, Kidman knows nothing about the industry Keith is in. Keith, not being a father or husband before, well what could he do? He even mentioned in his KU Tube video that playing Madison Square Garden was one of the greatest events of his life; he quickly added that he wished his wife had been there. That's very sad isn't it?

What is sadder, though, is that Kidman’s peeps make another excuse. Nicole, just admit that you had to have Keith at your work site instead of having him accept the highest honor in his field. Can you be more manipulative?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Healthy Debate About What?

Do the detractors of this blog actually think we WANT to talk about Keith Urban's private life? The entire concept of the skeptical fan came about because the skeptics saw that with the addition of Nicole Kidman in the mix Keith Urban’s music was lost. Skeptics saw how Kidman and her people manipulate the media, fans, and perceptions to get the correct story out.

The correct story is of course all about Nicole Kidman and whatever she wants it to be. What happened in the course of the media onslaught in 2005, 2006 and 2007 is that Keith Urban, the man, came under examination. Rocks were overturned, created personas were exposed and a lot of stories that really were no one’s business became fodder. Why? Because this keeps Nicole in the news. Poor, sad, pathetic Keith was lonely and unpopular before Kidman entrapped him in her platinum thighs. The player was played and rehab was needed to either keep Keith sober for Nicole, keep very dark stories from being exposed to keep Nicole in her saintly state, or to give Keith an opportunity to rebuild himself into someone who is worthy of Nicole. Listen to the comments from the man himself in the last twelve months and I just bet you can see which one I think happened.

Do you really want to talk about his tours for Golden Road and '04? Hasn't there been enough speculation about why he fired his entire band? This writer doesn't care if he spent 1997-2006 in a drug induced stupor. Does that sound heartless? No. Because he never once made it any of our business that he was in this state. He had boundaries. We the fans were there for the show and the fantasy. Yep, the fantasy. I liked thinking he was desirable. That’s why any popular figure is popular; there is a degree of desirability to them. Kidman destroyed that by bringing in her own myth makers and what was a respectful distant relationship between Keith and his fans became a very intrusive speculative one on both sides. Camp Kidman wants to know what the hell these fans want from him. You could see in November 2007 at the CMA’s when Kidman looked so very uncomfortable palming the flesh outside the awards show. She looked that way in October at the Arias, too, except that she used that occasion to parade in the see-through dress and have the photographers get their shots so that her image as supportive wife could be seen all over the world. Of course by the time those pictures came out the skeptics knew she was really just trying to make herself look younger and to show off her new cleavage which a year earlier wasn’t there. Now being blamed on the baby, the boobs actually made their appearance in the spring of 2007. I would say that sometime between lasik surgery and the start of the filming of the epic the girls got a bit bigger. Yet, who cares if she did? Kidman does. She wants you to care about her pregnancy, about her looks, about a stupid story of when Keith got branded with her name. It’s all about the fame. The drug of fame and that is why no one in the outside world knows Keith Urban beyond marrying and impregnating Kidman. You wonder why the music is lost? Because she couldn't give a f**k about the music. She is his savior.

So you think it’s all about him trying to figure out a marriage and now fatherhood? He knows who he is. If Keith Urban were honest and he really did talk about what his personal life was really like in his music, he would be a superstar on his own. Nicole wouldn't like that at all, now would she?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wow! Thanks for your comments!

Just the volume and the sincerity humbles us here at Umyths.

But let’s clear some things up.

Both Love, Fame, Rehab and the Crazy Rotten Songs and Greatest Hits are considered commercial failures. Keith Urban did not sell out the majority of his shows during his 2007 tour. Chris McHugh has played on every Keith Urban CD. He joined the traveling band in 2005 after Keith let his previous band go. Why? Until Keith Urban answers that honestly, we won't know. McHugh was promoted to Music Director for the 2007 tour. Gary Borman is Keith Urban's manager but he is not Nicole Kidman's, they share international managers however. That means the same company manages them, and they manage Tom Cruise and Faith and Tim and hundreds of other acts.

While Keith was off getting in another photo op with Kidman, he could have been doing press for his big show tonight in New York City. Did anyone hear Keith's Valentine message on .nut? If you heard last year’s did it sound familiar? It should, it’s the same one. Wouldn't New York City be the perfect place for Kidman to show at a concert? Keith could serenade her... She sure is getting big too.

Finally, we don't like hearing about Keith's personal life at all. Most of us loved the music, loved to watch him play. Well, since all we get these days is his personal life and since Kidman and Keith want all of us to know about them, well what else can we talk about? It quit being about the music a very long time ago.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hop on Over to the Dark Side

We understand. You like Keith Urban. You have seen him perform numerous times. You have read all the articles about him watched him on TV. You want to be happy for his success; in fact, in a way it is your success.

You saw him almost ten years ago or you started following him around five years ago. You believed in him. You saw a guy who was humble, who fought daily with those demons both external and internal. He seemed like he was a sweet guy and then.....

In January of 2005, Keith meets a semi-disoriented Nicole Kidman at a reception and she slips him her phone number. Of course the fans didn't know about this back then. Keith used to keep his affairs private: the normal woman, the supermodel, the girls from the back of the bus. He was discreet and respected those relationships and encounters and his fans by not making his fame his personal life. Little did we know that his date was often sitting in the same aisle at an awards show as he was. He didn’t need to flaunt them. But Kidman changed that; it became all about Kidman.They were seen here or ate there. He flew to her movie sets and she came to his concerts. Why do we know this? Because the actress called her PR people and made sure they knew.

Of course the actress knew how to use fame to get fame. She chased fame much like Keith chased the crack rocks in that house in Nashville. She fed his need to be admired; she convinced him she knew the way to do it. Something inside of him must have been telling him different for he chose to drown those voices out so much so he needed rehab.

Well, here we are, it's 2008, and Kidman and Keith are supposedly the third most powerful couple in show biz. Pat yourself on the back! You and I helped put them there. This site, those web hits, all those magazines; they led to the honor by Forbes magazine. But is it an honor? Don't you feel a bit used? This is the performer you loved, but it’s not about his performance anymore, is it? We don't get to read glowing reviews and interviews about the music.

Nope, it’s all about feeding Keith Urban's biggest addiction, fame. Yeah, he has always had that one but now he has an enabler who he blindly believes saved him from being someone else. Perhaps that person would have said “I like making music. I want my career. I want to go to the Grammy’s and I want my privacy”. But instead, it’s all about feeding Nicole's ego and he gets the crumbs left over. Do you really think he wants to sit around and watch her get photographed? I don't.

And if you, in the last couple of days, have been scratching your head and wondering why he would be sitting around watching her work while he could have been at the most important evening for a musician, then welcome! You are beginning to become a skeptic. Keith Urban could have very easily flown to LA, picked up his award, and flew back to her side. He chose not to and that right there is the problem. The flame of her fame has taken over any common sense this man may have had. He needs help and let’s hope that the addiction to fame that both Kidman and Urban have isn't passed on to the baby. Kidman seems to have lost the battle for stability. Let’s hope there is still time for Keith. As for you, what can you do? Well, that is pretty simple, and you have to do it on your own. Just remember you aren't alone and in the end it will be helping Keith.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Why Keith Wasn't At The Grammy's

The Pre-Grammy Conversation

It’s February 7th, and Keith walks out of his bedroom at NK’s Darling Point pile, with his bags packed.

NK: What are you doing?

Keith: Hey baby…I was just finishing up packing. Are you ready yet?

NK: Ready for what?

Keith: It’s time to get going …either today or tomorrow … to the Grammy’s, baby. They’re a couple of days from now and I’m up for an award.

NK: An award…what for? Did you get nominated for the Umbrella song…I love that song.

Keith: No baby…remember? For Stupid Boy….best country male performance.

NK: Country…God, that makes me queasy.

Keith: I know you don’t really like my music, Sweetheart, but it’s something I’m proud of. I thought you said you’d come over, we’d go to the Grammy’s, and then you’d spend a few days on the road with me before the Oscars.

NK: Well, I’ve changed my mind.

Keith: We could see the kids. I was talking to Connor and he’d love to go Go-carting.

NK: Who?

Keith: Connor…your son.

NK: I talked to Casper on the webcam last night … and he said nothing about Go-carting. And Ivanka wasn’t even at home to talk to me. I can’t believe that child was so inconsiderate as to be out when I called by webcam. Does she think I have nothing but time?

Keith: Well to be fair, baby, she didn’t know you were going to try to call.

NK: Whatever…I’m still not going.

Keith: Aww…baby. Please come with me. It’s important to me.

NK: Surely you’re kidding? There’s nothing over there for me til the Oscars at the end of the month. I have shopping to do HERE. I have more beige baby outfits to get. Surely you don’t think I plan to fly all the way over there just to hold your freaking hand at a music awards show. It’s absurd. I went to that pathetic country award show last fall and was just totally embarrassed with all those hicks.

Keith: But Nic, I’ve gone out to all the events you and Wendy wanted me to. I put those stupid white tennis clothes on … I looked like a freak.

NK: You looked like a complete dork. But it wasn’t about you.

Keith: And we flew all the way to Melbourne to watch 20 minutes of a tennis match…20 minutes.

NK: Someone in the crowd LOOKED at me…right in the eyes. I’m pregnant now. Surely you don’t think I should put up with that kind of impudence in my delicate condition.

Keith: Nic…I really want to go to the Grammy’s. It’s my thing. This is about music…my music.

NK: It WAS your thing. I’m your thing now. I’m your baby mama.

Keith: Look … I know you’re pregnant and if it’s my baby, I’m sticking this out…but I still want to be involved in my music … please baby.

NK: You are serious, aren’t you? You think I should put my health and the health of this baby in jeopardy for you?

Keith: Of course not … never. But you exercise like crazy. Flying in your private jet isn’t going to put this baby in harms way.

NK: Of course I exercise…I can’t afford to gain any weight. The only weight I am planning to gain is for these puppies (opens her shirt and squeezes her boobs together)…I should have held off on the implants and just gotten knocked up. This way, they are both getting bigger…not just the right one.

Keith: I told you not to do it…the implants never worked out, Nic. OK…you’re exercising at least 3 hours a day plus doing yoga. You’re going out day in and day out, trying to get the paparazzi to take your picture. They run when they see you coming now. You’ve flown several times in your private jet. I don’t think it’s a hazard for you to fly over to the US with me...honestly, the doctor said it was fine.

NK: Look…shut the f*ck up and respect me. I’m the mother of your child.

Keith: I still can’t figure that out. You say you got pregnant in October, but I don’t remember us having (shivers and makes a face) sex for months and months.

NK: Who said it was conceived that way? I don’t need sex… I needed your man juice. You made that deposit earlier this year…and the rest, as you might say, is history.

Keith: So you went ahead with fertility treatments without telling me.

NK: Why do you think you are entitled to know? Now get the nail polish out.

Keith: No…please…not that. God…not that. (Keith gets pale and sweaty)

NK: Yes…it’s time. (she pulls her sweaty slippers off and flops her size 11 ½'s up on the bedside table.)

Keith: Please Nic…please…not the toe nails.

NK: Get to it. And get the Grammy’s out of your empty head.

Keith: OK…as long as I get to keep my boat. I love my boat. (head hanging, shaking the polish bottle)

NK: Good … get to it. The boat is yours…as long as you play nice. (Keith makes a face, as the odor of her feet wafts up filling his nose)

Keith: Yes .. baby…I’ve chosen a distinctive tan color today…it’s a nice change from the usual shade of beige that you love.

NK: That’s just great…tan. I bet I have a new dress I can wear to the Oscars to match a nice tan toe nail varnish. And when you’re finished, you can get my pubic wig out and get it ready. (Keith shivers again but doesn’t miss a stroke)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

A time out from one of our writers...

You probably think we are going to quit writing this blog. Wrong. It’s a time out to you, our dear reader; so that you are assured that we aren't going anywhere. Some of you out there are hearing some speculation about who writes these blogs and some speculation about why this blog is continuing even though it appears that Kidman and Urban are in it for the long haul.

“Bitterness”, “jealousy”, “a sense of power over someone who has power”. Does this sound familiar to any of you dear readers? For this writer, composing the blog is not about any of those issues. This blog, for this writer, is about exposing the crafted lies that are woven around Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. It is not about spreading untruths; it is about making people aware of all the various situations that are perpetuated around these two fame-addicted celebrities. Is that cutting them down to size? Is it hurting two people who want to have a private life beyond their very public careers? Look at it this way. This relationship started because one of the parties felt that the other party would want to be seen with that party in order to become more famous. What happened was that there was massive fame alright, but at the expense of a very gifted and growing career. The fans were used in this quest for fame and have been discarded and used back and forth for the last nineteen months.

This writer is fed up with the PR machine and has slowly realized that both parties live for the fame before anything else. This writer is here to question the PR machine and remind KUNK that fame is not lifeblood - it is fleeting; and to remind the reader to look at everything with a cautious and skeptical eye. Everything is put out there for a reason. This writer is going to continue to expose the fraud and perhaps, just perhaps, help one of the parties involved. What is wrong in simply expressing an opinion?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What is a Grammy?

We are coming up on the second anniversary of the first public outing of Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman, the 2006 Grammy’s. Interesting that is the only time that Kidman and Urban paid attention to the music industry’s biggest night. For Urban, the Grammy’s are a chance to be seen and to acknowledge all of those who share the music community with him. For Kidman, it was a very long evening and important for her image. For the Grammy folk it was a night they would have loved to put behind them.

Keith was up for Best Country Performance - Male for You'll Think of Me, a song that was already three years old. But Keith was a Grammy darling. He had been nominated a few times since his first solo record in 1999. He was coming off his best career year ever. He was expected to win.

Keith had become a fixture at the awards ceremony. He performed in a tribute to Southern Rock in 2005; a performance that caused people to notice him. He presented a few other times. He respected the award; the Grammy people liked him so much so they included him in one of their special nights.

The night before the Grammy’s in 2006 there was a tribute to James Taylor at Music Cares, a division of the recording academy. Keith was there and performed. He was ill, but he did a good job. Of course few noticed this because Keith had someone at his table that sulked, frowned and seemed pretty bored by the music and the performers. Her name was Nicole Kidman.

Yes, Kidman was at the program and was as noticeable as her shiny forehead allowed. But she was outclassed by the musicians that were there. Kidman found out that the music community is as tight as her botoxed face. She wasn't welcome and she reacted to this rejection by having a first class hissy fit and subjecting Keith to a bit of words that ruined his evening.

On to the Grammy’s: Keith's award was presented off-camera. Kidman chose to attend but snuck in at the very last minute in a "not" obvious white trench coat. Her entourage held up several seats and many could not sit because they were being held until Kidman could be seen and seated. She took a quick glance around the room after Keith got his award and she noticed there were no cameras, so she left. Keith went to the press room and fended off questions about Kidman. Not one reporter asked him what it was like to hit the heights of music and about his struggle to get there and what that win meant for him. Nope, it was about Kidman. Meanwhile the main show was about to begin.....

The 48th annual Grammy awards opened with Stevie Wonder, music icon and rare public performer. The people were in their seats, Springsteen, Sheryl Crow, U2 and musicians from all types of music. Wonder was halfway through his song when a rustle in the crowd made the cameras look to the audience and there they were -Nicole Kidman and that country music dude that she was dating. She caused such a ruckus that it ruined the end of Stevie Wonder’s performance. But that was the goal; to get noticed, to cause a ruckus, and to produce those lovely photos that they still use to this day. Music be damned, it was all about the big public outing. The Grammy folks saw it all. Kidman stayed in the audience for the entire show but looked bored and tired. Why did she stay? Because Keith was interested in the show. He cared about the music and the evening. Kidman did not and she doesn't care about his music or music in general to this day. It was just another place to be seen and foster her image to the world.

If you have followed the famewhore since this event you will have noticed that she never stays at awards shows until the end, nor has she been to the Grammy’s since. Been there done that, eh Nicole? But you see those awards were important to your husband and his career. Wendy Day even uses them when writing about the overblown down-under couple. The world knows the power of winning a Grammy. Kidman only saw it as being a way to get some press about her private life. Does anyone wonder why Keith and Kidman haven’t returned to the Grammy Awards after that night? Let's hope for the sake of the folks that run the awards they don't use the 50th anniversary awards for more of their PR propaganda.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Dear Keith,

I know this may be difficult for you to read but I’m leaving you.

You have changed musically and not in a good way. Over these long, long months, I have tried to get you to listen to your inner voice but someone always changes your focus. I have spent long hours working on those melodies that play over and over in your head but you won’t even pick up a pen or touch your guitar. I’m exhausted from fighting the demons that you carry and the new ones that find you everyday. I’m truly confused as to why you ignore me day after day.

We made such a good team, you and me. I was never too far away and you never hesitated to take my suggestions and build on them. Remember how I woke you up in the middle of the night with the melody for Days Go By? Remember when you couldn’t figure out that really complicated chord progression and you called me to help out? We created Somebody Like You, remember that? You were so receptive to me and I couldn’t wait to help you. All those melodies we hummed in the shower, pure genius! All those songs we worked on together became number ones, remember how good that felt? I do. We almost had it all, didn’t we baby.

It makes me sad to think you no longer have time for me but there is no use pretending any longer. Have you even noticed that I’m not around? I hope all the success didn’t scare you back to the level that I initially found you. I would hate to think you fell so far back…

I hope someday you need and want me to help you again. You know where to find me if you do. I’ll be waiting.

Your Muse

P.S. In case you are wondering, I am recovering from being shoved out of your life but I still have a rather nasty bruise on my behind from being kicked to the curb.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Baby Tour '08 - A Review (just change the date and add the appropriate city)

If I could say something original or profound about Keith Kidman’s show the other night I would, but I can't. It’s the same friggin show as it has been since April 2007. The same jokes, although he did mention his most important act, the impregnation of the savior, but he did it very quickly. If you are really lucky you can see Keith try to be hip with the in-kids; his duet with Carrie on Umbrella makes one cringe...

Gee Keith, you were off for 45 days; couldn't you have worked on a new song? Gee Keith, you are touring with the MOST popular person in music, can't you rise to the challenge? You're boring. The music is boring the crowd gets wowed but this isn't the bunch that will walk across the street to see you again so what’s the point? Is Keith Kidman a one night stand and not an artist to follow and watch as he develops? Was the golden era for Keith Kidman the time between 2002-2005 when Keith Urban was building his following, recording interesting and intriguing music and was giving intelligent and thought out interviews? Keith Kidman is rich, middle aged and dull. It’s too bad, but its looking like it is true. Fame is a bitch Keith. You look like a tool and your performance is nothing more than a way to make more money or create an interest for the boring lackluster music that came in 2006. Yeah Keith, how about another cover song? Although if the cover on your greatest hits is any indication even that is covered in your career failure.

Here is a suggestion, go back to Oz, watch some really good bands, get that love of music that you used to have back and then write and record something vital and exciting. Then plan a tour were you have alternating set lists and a band who isn't as bored as you are and your audience is getting.

What was that Keith? You like your new married famous life hobnobbing with Sting and the tennis set? You have found balance? Well good luck with that. I am beginning to think rehab was really reprogramming and the real Keith is somewhere being restrained wanting to get out. Don't waste your time with this tour, dear consumer. People magazine will tell you what Keith is all about…you can't see it in the music any more.