Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pre-Oscar's Conversation

It was reported that Keith was seen eating lunch on his own on Oscar Sunday, at the Four Seasons…what was up with that? Well, it just so happens…

NK: Where the hell is that make-up artist? She was supposed to come back to finish me by 11:00.

Keith: She said it could be 11:30, Baby, just relax. You’re going to look great. When they didn’t get started til 4 this morning, I was a bit worried, but now, I’m confident you’ll be ready, beautiful beautiful princess (swallows hard).

NK: Of course, I’ll look great. That’s not the point. She is well paid to be here.

Keith: She’ll be here, baby. It’s only a couple of minutes after 11. So…have you picked the dress yet?

NK: Do you pay attention ever? I chose the black Balenciaga. You’re hopeless.

Keith: Oh…I had hoped you’d choose something with a bit of color…that deep pink one looked good on you.

NK: I have a child within…I need to dress with class, not like a slut…like some common whore.

Keith: That pink dress is beautiful and I thought you looked good, Nic. You didn’t look slutty … I don’t get….(Phone rings and Keith answers it) Hey Connor, what’s up buddy?.....Yeah…she’s here, just a sec, man.” Nic, it’s Connor. (holding the phone out to NK)

NK: Who?

Keith: Connor…you know, Connor, your son…Tom’s kid?

NK: Right…OK. Did I actually give him the direct number? What is he doing calling here, especially today of all days?

Keith: He says he wants to talk to you about having lunch and going out to see a movie or something tomorrow.

NK: Are you kidding me? Tell him to forget it. It’s impossible. It’s the day after the Oscars…I’ll have interviews and press releases. I can’t take time out of my day for him. I just spoke to him on … Uhmmm…Thursday, I think… what is he all bothered about?

Keith: He wants to see you, Nic. You’ve been in LA for three days and you haven’t even seen him yet. He wants to see his Mum.

NK: Oh for God’s sake. Tell him to grow up and be a man …I don’t have time for this today. I have the red carpet to focus on and a presentation to do.

Keith: Awww Nic, he’s just a kid and he misses you. He hasn’t seen you since May and he’s excited that you’re in town.

NK: Pffft…I spoke to him Thursday and before that, I spoke to him from Tokyo…or was it Sydney before I left for Tokyo. Well, it doesn’t matter, it wasn’t that long ago. He and Isadora can’t expect me to cater to them all the time, can they?

Keith: OK…I’ll tell him you’ll call him tomorrow to set something up … maybe for Tuesday?

NK: If I’m still here on Tuesday, I guess we can do lunch….but no movie. I can’t abide those ridiculous children’s themes….it makes me nauseous. (Keith finishes his conversation with Connor and hangs up)

Keith: You know I support you 100% baby, but I wonder if you should make more of an effort to see your kids…I think Connor especially misses you a lot.

NK: I’m busy. I’m a busy woman and now I have a child inside. My child. What does he expect? I’m exhausted just dragging myself around day in and day out. Does he want to kill me?

Keith: Of course not, baby. He is just a kid who misses his Mother…Oh…forget it.

NK: Don’t pull that on me. I spent many a night laying awake in bed while the nannies tried to shut him up. He had colic…it was horrid. I had to put ear plugs in to filter that never ending screaming out.

Keith: Right…nannies. I hope you don’t plan on having nannies raise OUR child?

NK: Of course they won’t. I have every intention of dealing directly with this child, whenever it’s necessary.

Keith: So…what time are we leaving … the red carpet is starting around 2 pm, right?

NK: We aren’t going at 2 pm, for God’s sake. We go late…to maximize the attention. We go late…to get the carpet to ourselves. Will you ever learn? Did you try on that tux that I picked out for you?

Keith: No…to be honest, it just doesn’t fit well. I bought a new one in New York that I’m going to wear.

NK: You aren’t going to wear the one I picked out? (She thrusts her ginormous lips into a pout) Come on…I want you to wear that one.

Keith: Baby… it isn’t a good fit. I don’t know where you got it, but it just doesn’t work.

NK: Please…it was Tommy’s favorite tux and he looked sooo good in it…I loved Tommy in a tux.

Keith: Well that settles it. I’m won’t be wearing anymore of Tommy’s handmedowns.

NK: Well, you will wear his lifts. I’m sick of not being able to wear heels with you.

Keith: I don’t want to. I could care less if you’re taller than me…I hate those damn shoes.

NK: Stop whining…you’re wearing them. (Faint knock heard at the door; NK peers toward the door) Get that.

(Keith goes to the door and lets in a team of stylists, with dresses, shoes, make up and jewelry. In addition, a waiter enters the room with a trolly of food)

NK: (whispering) OK…the stylists have to be here, but who is that odd little man in the white jacket?

Keith: I ordered some food, baby…I thought you should eat before you get dressed and I was hungry. .

Waiter: Ms Kidman, can I pour you some ice water and prepare your salad?

NK: (Eyes wide) Excuse me? (To Keith) Is he looking directly at me and talking directly to me? Tell him immediately that this is not acceptable….

Keith: Honestly, Nic, he’s just being pleasant and offering to help set up your lunch.

NK: Well, tell him to look away…it’s a shock to my system. Don’t these people know that they can’t actually look AT me or address me without permission? I feel faint. (fans herself)

Keith: Hey…sweetheart…just take a couple of deep breaths. He’ll be here a couple of minutes, then he’s gone. (Keith thanks the man, and gives him a generous tip)

NK: Good Lord…how presumptuous can someone get…to be so forward as to address me personally. What is LA coming to?

Keith: It’s OK baby…relax. (Activity with the beauticians / stylists) They want to do your toes…

NK: Good…they can get rid of that hideous varnish you put on Friday night. That shade of beige is ridiculous. (NK lifts her feet up & Keith bends down and removes her slippers, and nearly falls over from the odor wafting upward from her size 11 feet.)

Keith: Well…I’m sure these people will do a lovely job, Nic. I’m just going to grab a bite to eat in my room and listen to some of the demos Capitol sent me.

NK: You aren’t going to watch me get ready?

Keith: Well, I thought you’d likely want some privacy for all this. The waxing lady is here.

NK: Well, I am not interested in you working, while I’m getting ready. That isn’t going to happen. And the smell of food is making me nauseous…get rid of it.

Keith: Baby, I have a bunch of songs to review…for the next CD. And I’ll move the food into my room so you don’t smell it.

NK: Did I say you could eat? Didn’t I say to get rid of it? GET RID OF IT.

Keith: OK…(pushes the trolly into the hall)

NK: Do you like my diamonds? (Holding up the over the top strings of diamonds aka a chandelier of diamonds!)

Keith: Is that real? Holy crap.

NK: Of course, it’s real. Do you think I’d even consider anything that wasn’t real? It’s going to out do everyone…even that bitch Penelope Cruz. She’ll look small town compared to me.

Keith: It’s a bit much…maybe a bit too much for that dress. I wonder if something simpler might be more appropriate?

NK: Are you questioning my fashion sense?? Honest to God you are getting on my nerves. Get out.

Keith: Sorry baby. I was just …

NK: Get out. Did you hear me? Get out. Come back at 4…and not sooner. I can’t stomach seeing you before then. You shouldn’t be getting me upset in my condition…This child inside me could come out! I could lose my child…because of your selfishness.

Keith: Don’t be upset, Nic. Just calm down. I’ll go out for awhile and grab a bite to eat.

NK: Good…and don’t eat anything stinky…I can’t tolerate it when you’ve had one of those cheese burgers…it grosses me out. My baby will not be eating anything so horrid.

Keith: Our baby.

NK: My baby…and don’t forget it.

(Keith leaves…and is seen frantically texting someone…something about taste…and it isn’t referring to cheese burgers either!)

39 comments:

maclen said...

I like these satirical stories because without then there would be no semblence of a "real" life for these two. Adds to the mockery which cannot be sustained by the canned and gullable publicity releases these people put out. Since kidman is transforming herself into a cartoonish caricature of herself, it certainly calls for a monologue of ridiculous purportion to catch a true sense of the joke that is their life.

realitycheck said...

"Adds to the mockery."

What? Same recycled rumors. Nic's a bitch. Nic's a bitch. Nic's a bitch. And oh yeah, Nic's a bitch.

Snoozefest.

Perspone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Perspone said...

Realitycheck if your tired of reading what we are printing then stop coming over to our blog. When we try to talk about Keith and leave NK out of it, then we were never his fans because we are criticizing him. If we talk about NK and criticize something she has done, then we are bitter dellusional women who thought we were going to marry Keith.

Honestly, if you can't add anything to the conversation, except for personal attacks on the posters then don't post.

Urban Myths said...

And oh yeah, Nic's a bitch.

Yeah, and the bitch was drinking wine backstage at the Oscar's.

Figaro said...

not only a bitch, but a STUPID BITCH!!!

woriedmonkey said...

Drinking wine with a baby on board.... surely not ?

Perspone said...

You would think with her history of miscarriage and her professed concern for her unborn child she would stay away from anything that would put her unborn child at risk.

doublewide said...

LOL......another hilarious diaglogue!

that little wine thing speaks volumes....

maclen said...

Drinking while pregnant, huh? No doubt her mouthpiece will come out with a denial or another lame excuse. Perhaps something like she was too sick to realize what she was doing. What do you think the odds are she also gets snapped smoking? Publicity veteran, eh? More like a novice... the results are all revealing in their obviousness. And urban no doubt is clueless about it all.

doublewide said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
woriedmonkey said...

please dear Lord,
deliver Keith Urban from evil


(PS... nice solidarity Nicole in supporting your hubby's sobriety, not to mention funneling alcohol into baby KUNK.. start'em young why not ?)

banbotox said...

Okay all you kidman worshipers... What excuse do you have for her this time?

Not only a stupid bitch but a spoiled stupid bitch!

Imahick said...

I read about her drinking backstage. It's disgusting. For someone who wanted a baby soooo much, she doesn't have much concern about exposing a fetus of likely 20 wk or less to alcohol, not to mention the increased risk of miscarriage.

It's very poor judgement on her behalf. Most women gladlly give up alcohol for the duration of their pregnancy, to ensure the health of their baby. I wonder how she'll slither out of this? No doubt Ms Day is manufacturing some silly ass excuse as we post.

Nice to know that she is drinking wine while her husband is supposed to abstain. She such a great support for him. Of course, we have heard that she has never stopped drinking ... even while he was in rehab ... and we have certainly seen evidence of them being at events where the booze was flowing freely. I know he has to learn to face this and deal with it, but you'd think his spouse might abstain with him.

maclen said...

So now that kidman's "big night" has come and gone, with a collossal microscopic "belly" flop... I'm drawn to the wonder of what is left for her in the realm of publicity scrounging and photo ops? When I saw pics of angelina jolie at the Spirit awards, where she was obviously very pregnant, I recalled a few weeks ago when she was merely rumored to be pregnant, she made another one of her charity trips to baghdad on the issue of refugees, on behalf of the UN. And so of course I wondered if kidman will take this time of sabbatical "game of expectations" to get back to any of her ambassadorship. Or will her stress with expecting be used as an excuse to beg out on her paltry results? I dont expect celebs to feel its an obligation to do charity work, but if I feel they are trying to take advantage with half assed and meager crumbs after claiming its is so very important to them and making the public declaration of its importance... then slagging off after they get the photo op they wanted is pretty repulsive behavior. And since I'm basically sure the Oscar night excuse of being sick will no doubt cover her not going on tour with urban, as she stated last year and even when the pregnancy leak was confirmed...Is all kidman going to do through the summer is hang out in Oz, be seen going to the local deli, shops and restaurants...shamelessly contorting her body in a obvious attempt to reveal her grape sized bump for the paparatz? Because that would be expected of a celeb in decline.

realitycheck said...

Like moths to a flame...skeptics blindly flock to any dubious and suspect rumor to make their case!

notachance said...

Who lit Cindy Adams spark about Nicole??

So, just what are doctors telling their pregnant patients about alcohol consumption these days? I know that when I was pregnant, 19 yrs ago, officially it was 100% abstinence, but the doc said realistically a glass of wine once or twice a week or a beer once or twice a week was ok. There was even a thing I remember about beer increasing your milk production.

doublewide said...

So, just what are doctors telling their pregnant patients about alcohol consumption these days? I know that when I was pregnant, 19 yrs ago, officially it was 100% abstinence, but the doc said realistically a glass of wine once or twice a week or a beer once or twice a week was ok. There was even a thing I remember about beer increasing your milk production

my daughter had a baby last june..... she had not one drop of alcohol, nor did she have a caesar salad (her fav) because of the raw eggs in the dressing. she didn't have any of these things while breast feeding either. i think NK is safe on that one..no way that woman would breast feed with a dozen or so nannies on board.

doublewide said...

Like moths to a flame...skeptics blindly flock to any dubious and suspect rumor to make their case


maybe that's because everything the woman does is dubious and suspect. like i said before i have tried to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, and i'm through with that! everything NK does is for NK, and NK only.

Tara said...

New York Post- who owns that
oh yeah Nicole's best pal Ruppy Murdoch..
Lets see if Wendy will even attempt to cover this one over..

CJ said...

True or not, all she has to do is say it was a non-alcoholic beverage and that should be the end of it - IF she wants it to end. Maybe she purposely drank a non-alcoholic glass of something for the publicity. She will do anything to get her name in the news.

notachance said...

"Maybe she purposely drank a non-alcoholic glass of something for the publicity. She will do anything to get her name in the news."

Maybe she was served the non-alcoholic beverage in a stem glass, not at her asking but because that's what they had and publicity had nothing to do with it at all - and MAYBE Cindy Adams is just trying start shit where there is no shit at all so that SHE can appear to be relevant.

White Trash said...

Nota chance says..."So, just what are doctors telling their pregnant patients about alcohol consumption these days? I know that when I was pregnant, 19 yrs ago, officially it was 100% abstinence, but the doc said realistically a glass of wine once or twice a week or a beer once or twice a week was ok. There was even a thing I remember about beer increasing your milk production."

I had heard that too, but I didn't drink anything but non-alcoholic drinks during my pregnancies. Really, If this is indeed the truth I'm not alarmed by it and don't think it's a big deal on that end. What I do find irresponsible is drinking in front of your alcoholic husband. yeah, yeah, I know Keith is supposed to be the one trying to recover and abstain, but if my spouse was in that position I would hope I'd refrain from alcohol...at least if he was with me.

with that being said, I don't believe anything until it's verified and I think this one may just be another rumor.

Sonora_Melody said...

Posted at http://www.fashion.ie/aggregator/gossip/54102-nicole-not-boozing-it-oscars-says-her-rep:

"In response to allegations from New York Post columnist Cindy Adams that Nicole Kidman was drinking wine at he Academy Awards, which we reported about….
The Australian actress' publicist, Catherine Olim of PMK, sent PerezHilton.com the following statement:

'I try to ignore your column, unlike most of the rest of the world, because it is so nasty. But I have to tell you that Nicole Kidman most certainly did NOT drink white wine or any other alcoholic beverage backstage. She had water and lemon zinger tea. That’s it. I know, I was there with her I cannot remember that last time that Cindy Adams got anything right. She’s an idiot, and you can quote me.'"

realitycheck said...

From Catherine Olim, Nicole's publicist:

"I try to ignore your column, unlike most of the rest of the world, because it is so nasty. But I have to tell you that Nicole Kidman most certainly did NOT drink white wine or any other alcoholic beverage backstage. She had water and lemon zinger tea. That’s it. I know, I was there with her I cannot remember that last time that Cindy Adams got anything right. She’s an idiot, and you can quote me."

Urban Myths said...

How unprofessional to address this statement to Perez Hilton, and to call a journalist an idiot. It's all over the internet. Why not address Ms. Adams directly, or with a blanket press release?

Smells fishy to me.

Sonora_Melody said...

PerezHilton posted the story. It's only appropriate to send him a response.

Besides, the cowardly Ms Adams did not include an email address where people can email her. Believe me, otherwise I would have sent her an email too.

maclen said...

So, Urban myths... it seems kidman can be read like an open book... something like Tennesses williams Streetcar Named Desire!

Blogger maclen said...February 26, 2008 8:39 PM
"Drinking while pregnant, huh? No doubt her mouthpiece will come out with a denial or another lame excuse. Perhaps something like she was too sick to realize what she was doing. What do you think the odds are she also gets snapped smoking?"

Now from todays entry, at NK's Forehead...
http://nicolekidmansforehead.blogspot.com/

Mike Evans reported from the Oscars - "What's up with pregnant Nicole Kidman drinking at the Oscars? Not only that, but taking puffs from her husband Keith Urban's cigarettes. Shouldn't she be keeping alcohol away from her addict husband?"
E Online

...drinking and smoking... seems she gives childbirth the same attention as she does her Un ambassadorship... the adoptive kids of T cruise... urbans former and current fans... the mocking potential for Blanche dubois is infinate!

realitycheck said...

The skeptics here wont believe it unless they see video footage tracking Nicole the entire night. Give me a break.

And maclen, i doubt alot of people who read gossip colums would know who Blanche DuBois is. Sad but true. They might even think she's a real person.

music said...

sonora_melody said:
PerezHilton posted the story. It's only appropriate to send him a response.

Besides, the cowardly Ms Adams did not include an email address where people can email her. Believe me, otherwise I would have sent her an email too.
-------------------

So sonora are you saying that you emailed perez? Are you Catherine?

White Trash said...

Unless Keith has picked up a new bad habit - I wasn't aware he smoked, let alone Nicole stealing stokes from him.

Cindy Adams really is an ASS and I'd happily tell her to her face if I had the means and not just because of her recent post about Nicole...she really is that stupid!

CJ said...

First of all, Olim should know to put a period between sentences if that came from her. Second, Keith doesn't smoke unless he started after meeting Nic. He said so in interviews but that was before he met NK. I would hope a musician (or anyone for that matter) would have enough sense to not start smoking at 38, 39, or 40 years of age.

Urban Myths said...

Another interesting article...

http://tinyurl.com/22ejt5

realitycheck said...

that proves everything UMyths!

Imahick said...

If this is untrue, Cindy Adams has exposed herself and her publication to legal action. For that reason, I don't beieve this is untrue.

If Odim wanted to dispute this in a believable way, going to PEREZ's site isn't exactly the best way. If she really had a case, she would have demanded that The Post retract the release and apologize...and if there was any inaccuracy, they would do it and quick.

I think that the queen of Oz was imbibing and thought that it was going to stay quietly back stage at the Oscars. She was wrong.

As far as drinking during pregnancy, very few obstetricians would support any alcohol consumption during the first or second trimester. There are too many risks to the fetus and to the pregnancy itself. Most recommend no alcohol during pregnancy at all...or an occasional glass during the last few weeks.

Why NK couldn't have a non-alcoholic beverage is beyond me. For someone who said she wanted a baby so much, I find this to be the act of a very selfish person.

wastedemotion said...

You want to contact Cindy Adams it's not that hard, and I have no doubt Nicole's publicst has every means to get that done.
As for Keith and smoking, I've heard him say he has in the past.

doublewide said...

great post imahick

the trouble with NK, for one, is she has the mindset of ENTITLEMENT. for some reason, she thinks she is better than everyone else on the planet and she is somehow OWED a better life.

i can't stand this "sense of entitlement" that some celebrities have and NK got a double portion of it.

i fully believe she was drinking AND smoking. she cares only about herself and her relevance and marketability.

and before you go challenging me on this, think about it.....

wastedemotion said...

no challenge from me doublewide
Agreed...Cheers!

JapHal said...

LOL.. God I love these!!! You make me laugh!!!