Friday, July 20, 2007

Keith & Nicole Attend Birthday Party for Antonia Kidman

Keith & Nicole attend a party at a swanky Bondi Beach Italian Restaurant, in honor of Nicole’s younger sister, Antonia’s birthday. It is hosted by Nicole and attended by 30-35 of Antonia’s closest friends and family. True to form, it’s all about Nicole.

NK: Get the camera out and take some pictures, Keith. We need pictures of the party.

Keith: Yes, baby. What pictures do you want?

NK: For God’s sake, do I have to tell you how to do everything? Just take some pictures and of course, I should be in them…and pour me some wine. I’m parched.

Keith: To be honest baby, the smell of the wine is overwhelming. I’d rather not pour any…I’m afraid I might pour myself a glass. I’m really working on my sobriety.

NK: Have you no will power…God, you’re pathetic. Didn’t I say I am parched?

Cousin of NK’s: (walks over to NK and takes her hand) Nicole…so good to see you. How are your kids?

NK: (withdrawing her hand) Oh … the kids .…well, uhmmm… I’m sure Ivanka and Conrad are fine. I mean, they’re fine. They’re …uhmmm…with their father right now.

Cousin: Really. I thought I heard that Tom is in Germany shooting a film and only Katie and Suri are with him? I thought for sure they’d be here with you. I was looking forward to seeing them again, it’s been years.

NK: Oh…right. Well, uhmmm… Becky and Collin were going to come down, but I was going to be filming in the outback and you know how they would hate that…and so, they decided to delay coming over til I was in Sydney. Yeah…that’s it. Illeana and Calamari are going to come down and visit when I’m back here in Sydney, after the shoot in the outback. I am so looking forward to that, too.

Keith: (whispering) Nic, it’s Bella and Connor…your kids are Bella and Connor.

NK: (hissing) Don’t correct me ever again. I KNOW who my kids are, for God’s sake ... Brittany and Calum ARE my children, you know…where’s my wine?

Keith: Here you are, love. It’s a great wine…

NK: Yes, it’s the same wine that Tom and I used to drink barrels of…God it was great … sitting together in the evening, cuddling in front of a fire and drinking a bottle of good wine, with some cheese and then, well, then, …. You know.

Keith: It sounds like you are really missing those days, Nic. I’m sorry I can’t share your love of wine with you…but maybe we can cuddle in front of the fire and enjoy some hot chocolate or a really great cappuccino?

NK: Get a grip…cuddle in front of the fire with a cup of coffee? Not likely. I don’t intend to start that sort of thing with you, anyway. Did you get the camera working?

Keith: Yes, baby.

NK: Keep up with me, then, it’s time for the speeches. Hummmph…(NK standing & clearing her throat to get the attention of everyone in the room) Tonight, I’ve taken a break from my hectic schedule filming the epic movie, Australia, with Hugh Jackman, who is so adorable and manly…and I’m sure this movie will be a massive hit…it’s directed by Baz Lurhmann you know…Anyway, I saved my husband last fall by getting him treatment for his alcoholism and drug addiction … and then, I saved Hugh from a poisonous scorpion just a few days ago…so now I want to save my sister from a boring birthday dinner with her kids. Imagine, she was going to spend her 37th birthday with her kids. I had to intervene and make sure she had a proper birthday party. Her children are at home with a sitter, where they should be…having something atrocious like hot dogs or pizza with soda pop and I’ve arranged for us to have this exclusive restaurant all to ourselves. And it’s on me…so make sure you enjoy yourselves and so that you know that I, Nicole Kidman, have honored my lovely sister on her birthday.

Anyway, Antonia…it’s been a rough time for you, and if it wasn’t for me, you’d be lonely tonight, spending it with your kids. Instead, I’ve saved you from that. I’ve come to your rescue a few times already, getting you out on my yacht, taking you out for dinner a few times, and tomorrow we’re going to a footy game. It’s because I’m your sister and in spite of being a major motion picture star, I am here for you, my darling.

Antonia: Thanks, Nic. I really appreciate your sup…

NK: Right…glad it’s working for you, Antonia. I am really really looking forward to going to the outback in a couple of weeks, but this week, Hugh and I are shooting the love scenes right here in Sydney. God, he’s hot. I can’t wait to get into his pants. Oh...sorry, I got a bit off track…Anyway, here’s to my sister…a toast to my dear sister, for whom I worked hard to organize this event and now I’ve given up an evening off to attend. But I know you appreciate it, Antonia.

(Antonia nods and smiles; NK drinks some wine, as do all the guests. Keith raises his water glass)

NK: I’ll apologize for my husband right up front. He’s an alcoholic and so, he can’t toast Antonia with wine…he’s using water. But I’m sure his intentions are as admirable as everyone here. Right, Keith? Just because you can’t drink wine, you are still wishing my sister well?

Keith (blushing): Absolutely. Antonia…I wish you nothing but the best in…

NK: Yes, yes, we know…Antonia…I hope you are enjoying yourself tonight. I’ve booked this restaurant for the whole night…for our exclusive use. Of course, my personal assistant actually made all the arrangements, but I had to tell her what to buy for you for a gift and I had to choose this restaurant, so it was a lot of stress and pressure. And of course, it’s my money that’s paying for it. Happy Birthday, Antonia.

Antonia: Thank you, Nic. It’s lovely. I think I’m finally ready to go out on the town. My divorce is going to be final any day now…so I’ll be a single Kidman again. Have baby sitter, will party!

NK: Whooohooo… Yeah…the Kidman girls will be on the prowl again. Look out Sydney.

Keith: Nic, we ARE married, baby. I mean, I’m trying really hard to keep this relationship together…traveling back and forth from my tour every couple of weeks, spending as much time on set with you as I can.

NK: Yes, Keith…I know. That’s exactly what I told you would have to happen. And if you continue, I may just take you with us one night. That will be something you can look forward to.

Keith: Wow…Fantastic, baby. You are too good to me…my savior. That gives me a reason to go on. You are my beautiful, beautiful princess!


maclen said...

Yeah, noticed the little celebration. So how did it go? OH right, she " "planned" and hosted the little get together, even managed a couple of red carpet treatments for the pappa-ratz... the second it seems when she and urban left the party early after 2 hours, you know, to get those tabloid pics circulating, ASAP... it seems she only makes appearances... And it seems Cruise's kids werent invited, or to her Bday party for that matter... But.. she does play a concerned mother in her next movie. Also, as Urban Myths noted, not only has she managed to save urban's life, now it comes out that she's saved hugh jackman's, from a deadly scorpion too! She also saves the world in her next movie... bizzare how her reality and her movies are seeming to intermesh, in a kind of ying to its own yang, in a "I'm not a doctor, but I play one in a movie" blurring of a subconcious effort to attain a psychological and emotional well roundedness.

notachance said...

I will say I have to laugh at her "planning & organizing" a birthday party. Like she ever made a phone call herself.

I did read somewhere that her kids are in OZ for the summer, can't recall where though. Maybe they're with Keith's mum....

And children do not always have to be included in nighttime functions for adults. Just sayin'...

urfunny said...

I couldn't help but notice that she was the focus of her sister's birthday party...very typical. Plus, you haven't seen one picture of them since the weekend, which proves to me she CAN keep it under the radar IF she wants. But she wanted some PR pics on the weekend.

I saw many pictures of the intimate get together. Pics going into the restaurant, pics of the party inside and pictures of him leading her out of the restaurant, like she was totally hammered ... lots and lots of pictures. Why was there wall to wall booze at this event? If he was my husband, I'd respect his battle and not rub his nose in it. Honestly, she disgusts me.

As far as the kids being in Oz, I don't buy it. If she had her kids with her, there'd be pictures. Why weren't they at at the football game on the weekend? Nope...I don't believe for a minute they're there. She may want us to think they're there, but if they were, there'd be evidence of it.

banbotox said...

She only stayed for 2 hours because that is how long she could keep the party all about her...after that what is the point in staying? To actually
support her sister? NOT.

maclen said...

urfunny said...
"As far as the kids being in Oz, I don't buy it. If she had her kids with her, there'd be pictures. Why weren't they at at the football game on the weekend?"

Thats a very good point, one that I missed. It's pretty much agreed by most people on this blog, that to kidman its all about the PR and her image, but it only precludes that shes any good at it. She isnt. Otherwise her movies of the past 5 years, thats 8 movies, wouldnt have been critical or box office flops. Her humanitarian efforts are not any more impressive... since being named a UN ambassabor a year and a half ago, shes taken only one trip to kosovo, and thats it. That may have looked very impressive in news articles and internet stories back in Jan. 06, but today, in reality its just pretty pathetic. Urban may just feel it's preferable to be her permanent escort, and be looked after, lest he slips back into old habits. But that is all he'll have to look forward to in this relationship.