Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Fugly in Pink

First in a three part series of comic relief for the blog…

A minder overheard this exchange between Nicole and her son after a day of shooting Fugly in the Wind. Little Connor looked like he was trying to keep his distance from Great Gramma and her weird "sun dress".

Nic: "Conrad...come into the pub with Mummy and have a soda pop."

Connor: "Uhmmm...it's Connor and no, I think I'll just stay outside and enjoy the dust in the air and the smell of cow manure."

Nic: "Oh...Conroy...now, come on and show the common people how much you love your Mummy."

Connor: "Uhmmm...it's Connor, and no, I don't think so. I'm just gonna kick a rock around or something entertaining like that. You go in and show off that (gag) beautiful frock you have on."

Nic: "Oh...Collin, you like my dress? You really like it? It's something I am so thrilled to wear and try to blend in with the common people. That way they might not try to look at me and make eye contact. I've tried to ask the mayor to ask the regular people to not look at me, but they keep doing it."

Connor: "Uhmmmm...it's Connor. I don't think it would hurt you to chat with some of them or give them an autograph."

Nic: "Calum..how dare you think that your Mummy...who has actually won an Oscar and two Golden Globes...should have to make conversation with the common people ... let alone allow them to look directly at her...you don't think that, do you? That is a ridiculous and inappropriate thought and you must immediately expel it from your mind...expel it now...immediately."

Connor: "Uhmmmm...it's Connor. Anyway...Dad would just give them an autograph and laugh hysterically at them or with them ... I'm never quite sure which it is. But they all seem to like him."

Nic: "Well, Carl, I am NOT your father, and I am not going to bring myself to that level...to actually speak to these little people or allow them to gaze at me. So...get that out of your mind."

Connor: "Uhmmmm...it's Connor. Right...that's a good lesson to pass on to me, Mother. I'll remember that for the book that Bella and I are planning to write in a few years."

Nic: "Excellent, Christopher. I think you're catching on and quickly. Now run along and play with the guards. Mummy's popping into the pub to have some drinks before your drunken step father arrives and ruins her fun."

13 comments:

smellycat said...

Very funny! Thank you for that much needed laugh today.

Although I have no doubt that you will be accused of being hateful, in my mind, it's a good thing when we can find something to smile about in this over-the-top relationship.

Perspone said...

Bravo. Smellycat your probably correct but this whole relationship is approaching the ridiculous, and I think we can all use a laugh.

maclen said...

Yes I agree smellycat, perspone, this is very funny... Great job Urban Myths!
And no doubt there will be some complaints, I'm sure, but satire is a very sophisticated form of humor, and some people will not get it. But i will agree with Al Franklin, to paraphrase, who said, "It IS satire, even if the person being satirized doesn't think its funny". And to also quote the Simpsons, "Its funny because its true."

banbotox said...

Me thinks you were a fly on the wall that evening!
Very funny-thanks.

notachance said...

Flog me if you will, but I did think it funny. But the writer left out one important achievement - mummy's Australian Queening Ceremony....

What is that kids name anyway? Constipated?

musicmatters said...

Made me laugh, great job.
Can't wait for parts 2 & 3.

Whitetrashcheeto said...

Not so much hateful as it is mundane!

maclen said...

Well, I would submit as names of error, as it would pertain to kidman... contract, conceit, contrive, connive, contradict, conundrum, and of course, conniver.

smellycat said...

Actually, the only thing that is mundane is your responses.

Why don't you just mosey on back to NK United and dwell in la-la land? That ought to be engaging enough for you.

NotBuyingItInNashville said...

I know someone who was on the set of the Bodysnatcher movie when it was filming in the DC area. Seems OurNic was renting a mansion and had made arrangements to go to the Upscale Grocer so she could be with the Commoners.

They sent her People out ahead of time to the Upscale Grocer and had a meeting with the entire grocery store staff.

They were advised that they could not look at or initiate conversation with La Kidman while she shopped in their fine establishment.

I've heard various versions of this story throughout her career and at different locations - so it apppears that it is not RUMOUR but TRUE.

Who does she think she is anyway?

Oh, that's right, Keith Kidman's saviour.

Whitetrashcheeto said...

That's complete bullshit. I don't even like Cheetohead, but she didn't rent a mansion. It was a house, granted an upscale one but it was right in the heart of the city. She was frequently seen walking around with her bodyguard - that was all.

Very slow news day I think!

maclen said...

NotBuyingItInNashville said...
"They were advised that they could not look at or initiate conversation with La Kidman while she shopped in their fine establishment."

Yeah, I remember a few years ago when she was at the Toronto Film Festival, before she came out for a press conference, someone came out and told the reporters that they couldn't use tape recorders or ask any personal questions... it turned into a little contraversy... her people blamed it on the festival, of course.

banbotox said...

Having listened to her speak...it's no doubt they don't want her trying to make small talk. She couldn't put together a coherent sentence if her life depended on it. And forget ad libbing-there's no way!