Thursday, May 31, 2007

Keith Kidman's Free Concert in Oz

Our Nic meets Mr. Kidman at the airport... Part Two of the Conversations

Yet another conversation overheard by one of Our Nic’s minders or bodyguards or trainers or PA's, or whoever may have been hired for the day

Keith: My beautiful, beautiful princess (gagging) ... How was your day, my sweet? And you, little have you been? (Directed at Connor, who immediately looks away, so as not to acknowledge his stepdad).

Nic: Fine...I've been working my fingers to the bone....I've been on set for as much as 90 minutes's grueling...look...I have to impress the hell out of the cast and crew. I need you to put on a show at the local pub tomorrow night.

Keith: Well, gorgeous (another small gag), my throat is a little scratchy. How about the next night?

Nic: (Lighting up a cigarette) I thought I made it clear it would be tomorrow night. (takes a long drag and blows the smoke directly at Keith).

Keith: (cough) But light of my life (gagging yet again) my throat is a bit worn from my shows...if I could get one day of rest...

Nic: I don't know how much clearer I can get. It's tomorrow night and it's free, of course. Did you bring me a gift from Perth? It's the anniversary of my fifth week on this movie.

Keith: (swallowing hard) My pet...I uummm...of course I have something for you...but it's something I can't discuss in front of little Conroy, here.

Nic: This had better be good. I've had to explain that you are not here to bring me my water and one of the PA's has had to be my gopher. It's a relief to get you back so I don't have to carry my cavernous white bag.

Keith: Not that I'm complaining or anything, but do I note the faint smell of alcohol on your breath, my pet?

Nic: you have a problem with that? You're the alkie...not me. I have no intentions of giving up the things I love for you.

Keith: Of course not, baby. Well...I'll get in touch with the pub and set up the sound system and try to get my guitars here in time. I should be able to make the arrangements in time. And maybe I can grab a bite to eat. I ran to the airport and grabbed the first flight back to you this morning. I haven't eaten all day.

Nic: Right. Whatever. I need to impress these people so you better be good. Come Conrad, it's time for you to get to bed. It's nearly 8 pm and Mummy has some visiting and partying to do. Daddy...I mean, Uncle Keith will stay with you in case you need anything. Mummy will see you sometime tomorrow, between takes…


music said...

That was great. Thanks for the comic relief.

maclen said...

Well, now this post kind of gives me a very creepy and bizzare vibe, sort of like a "Whatever happened to Baby Jane", bette davis beginning to lose it vibe, which I suspect alot of people who agree with this site, may suspect as being the case. Kidman certainly gives an impression of likely shrill, and neurotic behavior in her personal life, which I've always imagined was similar to her character in Eyes Wide Shut. You know a personally frustated spouse, harping on and on about the husbands non interest in her, as she did in that movie. She certainly seems to be trying very hard to overcompensate for something.

notachance said...

Stop being funny - I'm not supposed to like this place!

musicmatters said...

Kudos again.
Looking forward to Part 3!

ShutUpAndSing said...

LOL notachance

These conversations are very well done!

bringbackkeithurban said...

How I fear your conversation is spot on. I hope it was worth it, Keith, to sell your soul to the devil.

adena1 said...

Funny stuff. Reading this reminded me of Elvin and Sondra on the Cosby show.