Someone needs to speak to Keith...

I have been talking to so many of my fellow Urban fans this weekend; some skeptics; some bunnies; some not quite sure of where they are; and so many of them are so confused about Keith Urban right now. Why?

Because Mr. Urban played the Opry on the 27th and made the occasion a time to publicly worship at the altar of Nicole Kidman. He had an opportunity to push his single, which is stalling on the charts, and kiss the Opry's provincial but powerful ass. He failed on both accounts. Yes, he sold out the Opry on a weekend when they don't generally sell out. Yes, he showed up and was prepared to play his two songs. There was some speculation that because the show wasn't going to be on TV that Kidman would stay home with her family and the baby; well, it didn't happen like that.

Keith came out and sang a lovely version of Sweet Thing - his attempt at Taylor and Miley type song-smithing. His voice was good; he looked okay; the crowd was into him. Then the jackass opened his mouth. Something to the effect that he was there because his wife asked him to call the Opry and ask to play because her family was in town, and they wanted to see him play at the Opry. Why the hell did he do this? Shut the hell up about that woman. Didn’t he complain in the past about hating to be invited to parties just to play like a ‘monkey on a stage’?

Dear reader, he is not a member of the Opry. He just called them up because Kidman decided he should? WTF? What was more likely was that he and his management wanted him to play the Opry to promote the struggling single and they gave him a number of dates from which to choose. But Keith doesn't want you to believe that; nope, the wife has the power to dictate when and where he is going to play. Why, oh, why?

Because he can't be anything other than supportive spouse right now. There I said it. I am not afraid. It doesn't mean he loves her or even likes her, but what was he supposed to do? The smart thing would be to ignore her and the marriage but this whole last week has been nothing but Nicole Kidman resident of Nashville, Tennessee week. We had sightings of her at bookstores buying last minute Christmas gifts. We saw Kidman, her parents, sister, niece and nephew and Keith walking all over Nashville. We had the Kidmans at lunch at a local Nashville restaurant on Christmas Eve. The report was that they seem so relaxed with one another. Why do they keep telling us that about them after almost four years? I don't get that; unless they really aren't relaxed with one another? We have the photos of Keith bogged down with a car seat and diaper bag and Kidman having a hard time swallowing her communion wafer after Christmas morning Mass. Then we had a sighting on Christmas Day at a local Nashville movie theater where they skipped the ticket line and went right into the theater. Nicole and Keith were accompanied by her father and niece and nephew again. But that occasion served a dual purpose because a local gossip column mistakenly said the kids were actually Bella and Connor. Guess someone needs to share that the Cruise children are actually older, and Connor is not so pale. But the seed was sown wasn't it? The day after Christmas we had a sighting of the Kidmans again enjoying the sights of Nashville.

Have you seen these pictures available on a French gossip sight? Keith looks not so terrific. Okay, he looks sad and wasted. Why? Was Christmas that tough? There are rumors that the Kidmans are living in two different residences these days. The farm and the big mansion. Are they together? And why after living in Nashville for this long are they touring historic houses? Oh, Kidman is showing how valuable she can be to the Nashville economy by highlighting the sights? New career, Nicole? Perhaps…or just more PR to get people's minds off what a failure you are? She is not going to fail at being a wife, is she?

I do hope that the Opry isn't a preview for the new tour. Dedicating a song to Kidman that he didn't even write; a song that was written for someone else's wife is just sad. If saying that her family was there when there have been no sightings of them there and only a brief sighting of Kidman leaving with Keith after the drudgery of his five song performance was over is any indication of the next few months, Urban is going to be as much of a loser as his wife.

Shut up and sing, Keith. And next time talk about yourself and not about those around you, even if they are paying your salary.

The Epic vs. Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman has been tied to the film Australia for almost four years; about the same time that she has been with Keith Urban. The failure of this film was not like the failure of her other films; this one was important, VERY important. Kidman used all the successful tools she has in the past to promote the movie. Her image, her reputation and her personal life were all promoted to make this movie a success.

Baz Luhrmann is considered Nicole Kidman's director. When an actor has such a close association with a director you can have good results: Diane Keaton and Woody Allen or Tom Hanks and Ron Howard, or terrible results such as Hitchcock and Tippi Hendron. Baz had success with Kidman in Moulin Rouge! and it really elevated both of their careers. The successful ad campaign for Chanel added to the expectations for this film. Both of their reputations were at stake for this film and the preliminary buzz for almost two years was strong.

No one expected a failure of these proportions. Both Kidman’s image and reputation have suffered fatal blows. She is a joke; the star who has to have special effects for her facial images; the beauty who is so afraid of aging that she shot poison into her face to stay young.

Kidman tied her image to this film; she also tied her personal life to it. Her relationship with Keith Urban was about a fellow Aussie going back to the homeland and they played it. Their wedding was a tribute to Oz. Baz inspired the design of the interior of the church and the reception. The guest list was the A-list of all Australian figures. Hugh Jackman sang a song written by famous Oz export Peter Allen. And mentioned in the press was the fact that Nicole wanted to return to her roots - her Australian roots. She was prepping for the big film for the next six months, besides putting her husband in rehab. She was going through the motions with Margot at the Wedding and The Invasion, as those would pale compared to the epic. Then the filming started and for the next nine months we heard about the set and her costumes, yada yada, and Keith running across the world to be with her on the set, etc. Then we had the royal baby, and yes, Kidman tied her child’s conception to the film, to the magic with Baz. As it became apparent the film was not going to be a hit, Kidman even pulled out the baby for PR, even after vowing she wouldn’t do that very thing.

So what happened? Who knows at this early date, but the movie was not that great. Kidman could no longer count on the Australian public to support her. They did when Tommy left her, but they have deemed her the tallest poppy of them all and she has run to hide in the United States. This movie was too important to Kidman and its failure will mark a turning point in her career. She will either overcome this or her career is over. No wonder she is gathering her family around. No one likes to be made fun of or told they are ugly and have no talent, but as they say, the truth hurts and for Nicole Kidman this is long overdue. The person to feel sorry for is Keith Urban; he will either have to pick up the pieces with her or he will have to turn into the bad guy and walk away. Since he has never left a woman in his past we see him being the supportive spouse, at least for a little while. It must suck to be Nicole right now. We (don’t) feel so sorry for her.

Merry Christmas from Urban Myths

Looks like the Ghost of Keith Urban's Christmas Past has come to visit us today... Enjoy and happy holidays from all of us!

Ho Ho He He... the Urban Myths Wish List...

Since most skeptics have already received their Christmas present, the failure of the big epic, we thought we would spread holiday cheer and give wish presents for those we know oh, so well...

To Bella Cruise, a very happy birthday (we remembered) and the hope that in your sixteen years you have kept a journal that you may some day use to write a best seller about your relationship with Nicole.

To Connor Cruise, a big congratulations from us for your movie debut! It is too bad that Nicole was too busy eating pasta with Harvey Weinstein to attend but would you have really wanted her there?

To Tom Cruise, our thanks for being Tom Cruise and being able to overcome the hard times and have a great comeback. Yeah, there are some things about you we aren't comfortable with, but you are a good father and we are happy you survived the Nicole years and we are sorry for the times we made you the bad guy.

To Capitol Nashville that perhaps, just perhaps, the faith and money you have shown Keith Urban these past few bleak years may be paying off; or that you realize it is time to cut your losses and move on.

To that one female fan that seems to always be at all the shows and has all those pictures, stories and backstage passes - we hope Kidman gives you a big raise.

To Ted Casablanca from E! – we wish you good health and the continued determination to expose what needs to be exposed.

To those people who made a profit by bringing and keeping Kidman and Urban together: Karma is a bitch and here is hoping you get yours soon.

To Nicole Kidman: our wish is that you divorce, retire and that we never shall have to discuss you in a blog again. We know this won't happen on any of those accounts, but as long as these are wishes, we can hope.

To Sunday Rose Kidman Urban- we hope you are healthy and happy and that when the truth does come out about how you came to be that you are protected and isolated from it.

To Keith Urban- we hope and wish that this whole adventure has had some merit to it, but we hope you will come to your senses and make some life changing choices; we will Be Here to tell you why.

Finally, to all of you who read, comment and send us messages: we may not agree with all of you; some of you we wonder about. But we are all in this adventure together and we wouldn't be here without you, so have a great holiday season!

P.S.: the annual Urban Myths awards are coming soon .....

Like a Grizzly... it's time for Nicole Kidman to hibernate...

If she were smart she would go away and be quiet and not draw attention to herself. The problem is… she is not smart. We have all noticed how utterly uneducated and flighty Kidman is in her interviews. Perhaps she is trying to make up for her lack of formal education, but she starts with those pithy descriptive phrases and instead of looking self educated she just looks silly.

She is not smart, at all. It is becoming more and more obvious that without the hand and handling of Tom Cruise and his people Kidman can't keep a career of her own. Tom and company must have really worked to find her good projects and to keep her in the news. Kidman on her own has had little success in finding good projects. Her selection kills are not helping her as an actress. To grow and show dimension, Kidman must have popular and critical features, and she has had neither. Dogville, Fur and Margot at the Wedding were unsuccessful. Kidman got mixed reviews. Her try at popular films, such as Invasion, Bewitched, and Stepford Wives… and now Australia, have all gone down the chute.

When Kidman was part of the Cruise team, she made Moulin Rouge!, To Die For, and was even part of the Batman genre. She was on a career climb. Kidman, during the Cruise years, got the first scripts for The Hours and The Others (and OMG! An Oscar!). Cruise knew what was good for Kidman. Kidman on her own leaves it up to whimsy and look where she is…box office poison.

It is time for Nicole Kidman to go away for awhile. As Tom Cruise mounts a comeback that looks like it is going to be successful, Kidman gets in the media, not for her work, but her personal life. Everything she has done in the last three years has been either a copy of or a challenge to what Cruise has done. Now I know that saying about a scorned woman, but this is too much.

Kidman should retreat for the next year and create an interest in herself as an actress. How will she do that? Perhaps she should call Tom; he might have a suggestion or two.

What will Kidman do? She will either take on the role of being Mrs. Keith Urban or devote her energies to her daughter and her marriage; or she will find another way to get attention for herself as an actress. I believe she will go on the stage either in New York or London. I can't see Kidman being just Keith's wife. That is so restrictive and for the biggest narcissist of all - self defeating. She is an artist after all. Will she go on the road with Keith? I would bet she will be seen. but people don't buy her as Keith's wife and she comes off as a snob and bitchy. As she is loathed in Nashville, think about how she will come off in Omaha. No, look to Tom Cruise and his family to pick up the leads for what Kidman will do next. I just bet Broadway is where she will head. Keith will be happy about that, as it’s only a few hours from anywhere in the country when he will be summoned for a photo op.

He Earns Every Dollar, Doesn't He?

Before we see the "couple in love" yet again at a premiere for the epic, let’s take a few minutes and salute Keith Urban for once again following the script and playing the part of dutiful husband. Yes, PLAYING the part; because as hard as he tries, he just can’t cut it, can he?

I just can’t shake this feeling that these two just don’t get along and barely tolerate one another off the red carpet. It seems all forced between them, not robotic like Katie with Tom, but just indifferent; even that kiss was boring. It was like saying goodbye to Grandma at the train station; you don’t really want to kiss her as she has that lingering cigarette and Vicks vapor rub smell but, she IS Grandma. Is Keith getting something out of all of this? Protection of his very private life? Tons of money? Personal security from not having to have to go out and have a career? Probably all of those. What Nicole Kidman wants you to think is that they have a life. They stay at home or go to their “friends” homes so Keith can play music with them. They watch young Sunday play her baby genius piano. They are so in love, so much a family. I guess because her one true love has done such a good job showing that he has moved on and has built a new foundation with the younger, prettier woman that she is compelled to do it, too. Just like Tom went to a number of Katie’s performances, Keith must attend Kidman’s red carpets. They are so together. Do you think I just made that bit up about life down on the farm? Nope! Kidman said all of that to Hello magazine.

You all can predict what is coming can’t you? Keith and the baby bonding all over the place. Why? Because we haven’t seen it yet, and Kidman always gives us what we haven’t seen. Plus Keith has a CD to shill and a new video to ‘not act in’ coming soon. Those baby daddy pictures are coming.

Yes, we are aware that Keith is nominated for a Grammy; he has been nominated at almost every Grammy ceremony for the last eight years. The speculation about the Grammy’s will be if they attend. The award will not be televised but Keith’s first Grammy wasn’t either. And, of course, Keith had to attend his wife’s photo shoot in the Outback last year, rather than attend the ceremony and receive his second Grammy. It will depend on Kidman; whether she wants the world to buy the supportive spouse bull. Or, is it about supporting the only critically acclaimed and financially successful member of the family? Time will tell. As her fame and power ebb away, and if Keith shows any kind of success, you know she will glob onto him and hold on for dear life. And that will be the time, dear reader, when Keith Urban makes his power play.

This Week in Pictures

My, what a whirlwind week for Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, eh?

Paris, Madrid and Rome. The private jet-setting couple were seen when they wanted to be seen. Red carpets, premieres, fine dining, museums... what a life! Movie stars are a breed all their own... and hangers-on can enjoy the high life as long as they have signed on the dotted line; even humble little country music singers. Said country music singers can announce their upcoming tour while flying all over Europe (but that's another blog).

Let's take a peek at what we have seen this week...

Gay Paree! From Keith's heels to taking Baby Sunday to a Picasso exhibit at a museum...

On to Madrid... out to dinner and another red carpet...and a photocall for NK to show off her undergarments...

Leaving Madrid.. no car seat for baby Sunday is necessary!

But a car seat for Nicole's bag is! Must be the bag that is holding Keith's balls...

On to Rome... out to dinner, no premiere... Sunday must be at the hotel with the nanny... oh, wait! She doesn't have a nanny... she must be with her bodyguard. Lucky babe!

Let us see what next week brings... London... Berlin...

And a Babe Shall Lead Us from the Darkness...

Oh, you thought this was going to be about the exploitation of young Sunday Rose Kidman Urban? Nope, not at all. What can you say about a mother who is so weak, so fearful of being a failure that she will exploit, no the better term here, is whore out her child to garner attention? The sad thing about this, beyond young Sunday being taken out in the cold without proper covering, is that everyone figured it out. Gee, Nicole are you concussed again? How stupid are you to throw that baby out into the open for the mass media? Yes, stupid because the timing was off. Every one knows that the epic is not the epic it was intended to be, so like pulling out your little Suri with the fringe on top, you pull out Sunday. Sad.

Today, however we are going to take the subject away from the baby and talk again about the baby daddy. First of all Keith Urban is an imbecile for letting his daughter be exploited like that. Is it so rough to live with Nicole that you have to kowtow to her every whim? Does she have something over you that will ruin your career so that you act like an ass? We saw your balls through your pants the other night in Paris - why not use them, darling?

Thinking about the way Keith has been acting lately made me think about Keith Urban, Movie Star. Do you remember that he had a movie contract at one time? Actually, it was announced one week before he and Kidman were spotted biking together. What happened to that? Was there a better contract that he signed? There was that rumor that he tested very poorly, that his accent was too thick. I think he is a great actor. I mean, how can he live with that bitch and pretend to be happy over and over again? Well, on second thought, and given his appearance recently, maybe he is bad actor after all.

Finally, we want to welcome back our friend Anna from the Forehead blog. We have missed you; and please note karma only applies to Kidman - she has built up so much vile that her karma wipes out any of our ill will toward her. One thing however, is that Ted Casablanca is not done. He is the king of pounce and like the sleek cat he is, he waits until he knows the time is right before he gives us the dirt. We are lucky to have him around. Make sure you all read his latest column... *wink wink*

Bewitched, Bothered or Bewildered?

Have you ever heard the lyrics to the theme song of Bewitched?

Bewitched, Bewitched, you got me in your spell
Bewitched, Bewitched, you know your craft so well

How many of you feel that way about your partner? How many of you have those little side glances and inside looks that only the two of you know the meaning? Well, you can't say that about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban can you? There is no chemistry at all. Every look and glance is scripted; every forehead touching is on a mark. After observing these two for the past few years you don't even have to guess that they don't bump uglies in the night.

Kidman would have you believe otherwise; she ran to the People reporter at the New York premiere of the epic and went on and on about how her husband is the sexiest man in the world, not Hugh Jackman. And there is this new planted story that Keith is jealous of the steamy love scenes. An ill-timed attempt at a kiss is an indication that she finds him suitable as an escort and that’s about it.

There is some speculation as to why she went on and on about Keith. Was it because she screwed up a basic Q & A presented to her by David Letterman? Was it because there are rumors that there is trouble in her marriage; that perhaps his or her head was turned by another? Is it because a love story was supposed to sell her epic and her own love story needed to be as strong at the one in the epic?

Kidman knows about showing the sort of tease and tickle needed to sell a relationship to the masses. She was able to do it in droves with her one true love. She even showed it when she was dating Lenny. But she has never been able to show it with Keith. Do you wonder why?

Keith Urban is a sexy man. Anyone who has been around and seen his rise to fame knows that his sexiness and his sensuousness have all been marketed to the hilt in making him a star. The ‘tragic romantic’ he called himself recently in an interview, was that a commentary on his current relationship? He tries to act as though she is the be all and end all. He looks at her and they have that hand grab thing. At a hockey game in Nashville he put his arms around her from behind and she literally cringed. That’s a long way from the time Kidman rode piggy back on her one true love as they departed a plane. They don't look happy.

Does happiness really matter, however? For you see, we are supposed to be jealous because Kidman is the one he married. The woman he waited his whole life for; she does have his only child, too. If you were living in a fantasy that Keith Urban was going to give you the time of day - that was part of the marketing plan. He might have had a one-nighter but those days are now over. It was time for him to be married because being 37 and not publicly in a relationship either made you a man-ho or gay, and well, you know how people are. Kidman was the fix that was needed. However, no one really buys them as a couple. People who have seen them either lie because they like one or both of them, or feel Kidman can do something for them since she is a Hollywood star and so much more than most of us, and she bought Keith.

I guess it comes down to there being no chemistry, because why should there be? This relationship that is being sold as a great love story is really nothing more than a business relationship that made one party more famous and the other one sustainable as a star for a few more years. They may have some affection for one another, they may even be friends, but let’s face it - they have no sexual chemistry. If you have any doubts about Keith Urban and that subject go on the internet and look up a performance of an old Tom Petty song with a recent partner. Be warned - you may need a towel or a cigarette afterward or to cool off; just look at Keith and Kidman kiss - that will wake anyone up.