Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Conversation at the Airport



Keith: OK...do you have your backpack on?

NK: Yes...I do. Will you carry my sweater and jacket?

Keith: No...carry them yourself. I'm sick of carrying your crap.

NK: The paps are taking our picture...make it look like you are in love with me.

Keith: Bugger that. Get a move on.

NK: You can't talk to me like that. I'm NICOLE KIDMAN.

Keith: Whatever. You have embarrassed me in front of my fans.

NK: Why? What did I do?

Keith: You fell asleep at my show last night...like you were bored out of your mind.

NK: Well...the truth hurts, doesn't it? Carry my sun hat...do you expect me to carry all this to the plane?

Keith: It's 85 degrees in the shade, for Gawd's sake. What do you need a sweater and jacket for?

NK: I'm chilled to the bone. Do you like my sneakers?

Keith: You are icy cold...that's the truth. Do I like those red boats on your feet? No...not particularly.

NK: Look at them...see how cute they are?

Keith: They're so honkin' big, how can anything that huge be cute?

NK: Are you saying I have big feet?

Keith: Are you joking? You have size 11 feet...Jezuz...they're massive. They're in competition with your freakin' crazy ass lips.

NK: What about my lips. My lips are youthfully plump.

Keith: Your lips, my pet, are enormously fat, as if you are carrying the baby in them.

NK: My child inside is not in my lips. You are really annoying me again.

Keith: Right...wouldn't want to annoy you...that's for sure. Let's get outta here...quick. I don't want to have to face these people. Look at the headline...Nicole Kidman Bored With Husband's Music. Nice.

NK: Are there any pictures of me? Did I get any pictures in the paper?

Keith: Oh yeah...there's pictures. You look like you're taking a dump and catching flies at the same time.

NK: What do you mean...what....

Keith: Here...look at this (shows NK the picture of her yawning and checking out her bracelets, then nodding off)

NK: Those are hideous. Where did they come from?

Keith: That's you, my beautiful beautiful princess...so bored you nodded off during my show.

NK: How dare they take pictures of me when I'm not aware of it? That is not fair.

Keith: People are laughing at me...my wife finds my music so boring she can't stay awake for my concert. Why can't you show some interest in my career for a change?

NK: This is NOT about you. This is my face they're ridiculing.

Keith: You know...it's always about YOU. YOUR trainer and YOUR bodyguard beat up a couple of photographers...out of the blue...and you are all upset because of the bad press you're getting. It's all about you...not about the two guys who were beat up...that one had a huge black eye. But it's all about you. Now, even though these headlines make me look like a bore, it's all about you again.

NK: I knew you'd understand. That's right. It's all about me. Now...take my hand and smile for the photographers. They'll love my little white top and my lacy thong. That always impresses the paps.

23 comments:

doublewide said...

another great conversation UM!

lovin it

maclen said...

Yeah, I agree, dw... it does make you wonder, what with the patently ridiculous and ever more shameless and esculating photo ops, if urban is getting even an ounce of regret over handing over his career and life basically, over this very mediocre attention and media outlet whoring? It's true urban is looking very blank and mannequin looking in the recent planned outings. Problem is people who have the desire for that kind of life seem to be able to get used to and actually continue to put themselves in the line of fire of the "indignity"... and "terror" and "uncalled for invasion" of their personal lives... which they continue to parade, day after day, in planned and full view of the hated paps. But then urban doesnt seem to have much to say about it...he just seems resigned to it.

music said...

LOL! I hope that Keith's starting to stand up for himself a little.

doublewide said...

yeah, maclen, i'd call the look on keith's face one off grim resignation.....esp. from the most recent round of pics...

what a crap life he has chosen for himself....when he used to be so private about such things.

doublewide said...

sorry supposed to be one "of" not "off"

cricket said...

LMAO I wish he would stand up to her like that. She'd probably have her beloved David beat the crap out of him if he did though.

ShutUpAndSing said...

I just love the conversation. I was LMAO. Now if only Keith would follow the direction of this conversation.

maclen said...

Well, when he sold his soul doublewide, he aquired the look of the undead... he must have been exposed to the zombie vomit from the atrocious Invasion...

cricket said...
"LMAO I wish he would stand up to her like that. She'd probably have her beloved David beat the crap out of him if he did though."

Now we know the real reason he stays with this career and life draining woman, cricket, she's threatening him! Funny...
Despite having a dismally selling G-Hits cd tanking on the charts despite his steady touring schedule, it seems clear he's simply continuing to tour, no doubt, to have some excuse to not be in every one of her mundane and bland photo ops... which included Easter! Before this so called kid she's supposedly expecting magically appears, her pitifully minimal to seemingly non appearing bump, and these photo ops from hell will make that moment so very ho_hum.

KUROX said...

OH MY GAWD! You all are hilarious! I can HEAR the accents from both of them! He did NOT look happy in those airport photos...and she was just smiling away!

realitycheck said...

Another day, another fake conversation. Ho hum. I guess you have to fill the blog with something when you cant provide anything of actual substance.

Where is that truth you promised us Umyths? Oh yeah, it was never here!

Sonora_Melody said...

lol ... if I have as much time to write this fictional "conversation", I would have made it worth my while and have it considered for a movie script or a book. I would not have wasted my time on a blog populated mostly by nasty and hate-filled posters.

realitycheck said...

Funny thing is sonora, its the same darn convo every time LOL The skeptihaters must all have short term memory or they are just very easily entertained! Nicole is going crazy for attention wanting Keith to pay her endless complements. Nothing he says or does is right and secretly Keith wants to break free. Sounds like true fan fiction to me!

Imnohick said...

By the looks on Keith's face in the last week or so, the conversations between NK and Keith might have gone like this! I wonder if UM was there to over hear?

Lighten up, folks. No one is pretending this is real. It's fictional and it's light and it's for FUN!

Sonora_Melody said...

"Imnohick said...
Lighten up, folks. No one is pretending this is real. It's fictional and it's light and it's for FUN!"

It's not fun when it's the same o' same o' mean-spirited and malicious stuff. At least show some creativity and originality in your fiction!

maclen said...

Imnohick said...
"By the looks on Keith's face in the last week or so, the conversations between NK and Keith might have gone like this! I wonder if UM was there to over hear? Lighten up, folks. No one is pretending this is real. It's fictional and it's light and it's for FUN!"

The true test, imnohick, of a rather uninteresting, stuffy, vapid and tedious bore is their total lack of humor and levity... and just take kidman's for instance... stepford wives... bewitched...practical magic... case closed.

maclen said...

...oh yeah... and now lets take a look at urbans contribution to humor.... "marriage to kidman"...

doublewide said...

The true test, imnohick, of a rather uninteresting, stuffy, vapid and tedious bore is their total lack of humor and levity... and just take kidman's for instance... stepford wives... bewitched...practical magic... case closed.


LOL......humor, just another thing lacking in the NK supporters

maclen said...

doublewide said:
"LOL......humor, just another thing lacking in the NK supporters."

Not too surprising when you get just a taste of what the NKUsers and monkeylanders are so willing to swallow at those one dimensional fawn sites. Heres just an example of the reaction at NKU to the pics of kidman drooping and dribbling over herself at urban's show...................................
oh right, there was no reaction.... it's always "see no evil..." and you know the rest...
Also, just noticing the recent pic of orb and kid above the new blog... she looks exactly the same as the pic posted earlier last month of kidman exiting the restraunt titled "She's due WHEN?" It seems she's gonna make due with her own gut fat for any photo ops... not very hollywood... or very convincing for that matter.

maclen said...

...aha!...was just doing a little late night intertubes cruising when I came on this very preditable and laughable team kidman press leak... get the title... "Nicole Kidman hires extra security over baby fears" (One interesting point to take a look at about this laughable leak... and that is... if she is afraid of losing this kid as she lost in two supposedly previous pregnancies, why is she hiring extra "security?... I'll give my opinion at the end of this comment)
http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/celeb_news/Nicole_Kidman_hires_extra_security_over_baby_fears_article_200007.html

..not only does this official team kidman patented media leak try to justify her goon beating of a pap... it also tries to explain her hideous sleepy performance at urbans gig... the poor thing is a "nervous wreck"...."Because she's suffered a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in the past, "she's terrified of losing her baby."...shes fragile.... she's having trouble sleeping....
She's done this bit already. No amount of drippy and pitiful crying is gonna get her movie career back... or make her next movie even close to a success... anyways... cue the NKUsers to cry their little eyeballs out for their little fragile wallflower...
You see, in review, she leaks the story of hiring more "security" to protect a fear of losing a kid in pregnancy to try and kill to birds with one stone... try to explain the need to beat a pap to a pulp... and why she looks like hell.... kidman truly is an idiot...

yingyang said...

Its only a matter of time before they announce that Poor NK has had a problem with her pregnancy. If she was truly worried she would not Jog, Fly, photo op with other young children, she would not be Concert going. The only thing big about Nicole is her lyinTude' and ugly soul.

doublewide said...

..not only does this official team kidman patented media leak try to justify her goon beating of a pap... it also tries to explain her hideous sleepy performance at urbans gig... the poor thing is a "nervous wreck"...."Because she's suffered a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in the past, "she's terrified of losing her baby."...shes fragile....


she's having trouble sleeping....
She's done this bit already. No amount of drippy and pitiful crying is gonna get her movie career back... or make her next movie even close to a success... anyways... cue the NKUsers to cry their little eyeballs out for their little fragile wallflower...
You see, in review, she leaks the story of hiring more "security" to protect a fear of losing a kid in pregnancy to try and kill to birds with one stone... try to explain the need to beat a pap to a pulp... and why she looks like hell.... kidman truly is an idiot...
---------------------------

yes, maclen, i was gonna bring this article over last night and i was just too tired. i haven't been well lately, but anyhoo.....yep, the minute i read it i thought she's trying to combat 2 bad events in one "fell swoop"

the sad thing is, she cares NOTHING for that baby, NOTHING, just a means to an end

rememberwhen said...

Love all these conversations UM. I just wish this one was true.

LilyRose said...

I think this story is a set up for things to come. I've been wondering for awhile when we would get the miscarriage story. Then it finally hit me - she's tired of that story line. Been there, done that, and might do it again later. If needed she could use the pictures from June 06 to say she was preggers when they got married and miscarried.

I think this time she's planning on a "the baby died shortly after birth" story. 1. More sympathy. She went through a full pregnancy and delivery and still lost the baby. 2. If she really wanted this baby she would eat more and cut back on the exercise. Based on her bump the baby is going to have a low birth weight and no telling how many other complications from the smoking, drinking, over 40 mom, etc. 3. Her interviews say "She wants the body she thinks pregnancy will give her" and She "wants to have a baby". Having a baby is different from raising children. I've even wondered if she wants her parents to deliver the child so if something goes wrong they won't be able to get professional help in time. I mean really, the most selfish woman in the world catering to every need of a new born? No way.