Friday, May 9, 2008

An Interview in the Future

We thought we would time travel a bit, so let’s look to September 2008 and Vein Magazine.

It’s the right time to be us
By: Samantha

In January when it was announced that Nicole Urban and Keith Kidman were expecting their first natural child, many wondered why Mrs. Urban, 41, waited until her fifth decade to get pregnant. This question in polite society should never be asked, and we never will. We were quite pleased when we were asked by Ms. Urban's publicist, Katherine Doldrum, if we would be interested in interviewing the new parents after the birth of their daughter this past June. After the six week blackout following the birth, we flew across the country to the Kidmans’ new home in Brentwood, a suburb of Los Angeles, California. The home, originally built in 1968 by famed architect I.M. Egotistic, is a modern structure in the tissue box design scheme. As we entered the living room it struck us how terribly precise and elegant the room was - with bright red walls and tan furniture the room is void of personal belongings. As we look at the over two hundred mirrors placed all about the room we are reminded of a sophisticated nightclub in the heyday of disco.

The surprise for us was the lack of a musical anything in the room. We waited for almost an hour and then with a flourish the Kidmans and their fifteen staff members appeared. Both Keith and Nicole were dressed in casual work out gear and Nicole had her hair in pig tails with cute red flower bows at the end. The couple carried water in bottles, as did their employees, but we were not offered anything to drink. We agreed beforehand that we could only talk about their new family and nothing from the past.

VM- Thank you for meeting with us. There has been a lot written about this baby and this birth. Why did you agree to talk to us today?
NU- Well it’s obvious. The connections were connecting and the time for a well… I just think that when you reach a point…
KK- It was just the vibe and the time to connect.
VM - What is it like to be parents?
KK- Extraordinary. I wake up each day and look in one of these mirrors and say out loud ‘I am someone’s father!’ It’s quite a bit of a humanitarian effort.
NU- I think it’s a role I was born to play.
VM - Can you talk about the birth?
NU- It was difficult and extremely sexy and very singular…the power I held was power I had never had before.
VM- Keith??
KK- It was something (at this point Keith is looking around the room and looking at the floor) so many have done yet, no one like me.
VM- Why did you have the child in Los Angeles?
NU- There was never any question. This is our home. Our people are there, and others.
KK- We are gypsies at heart and our rainbow is always coming together in LA.
VM- Why not in Australia?
KK- Well, we were there and now we are here.
NU- I guess that we wanted the birth to be about us and while I love Australia and I even have a movie by that title being released in November at a cinema near you, my parents and my sister I felt would be a distraction.
VM - Why not Nashville?
KK- Well, we were there now we are here.
NU- That was never a choice; we love the city; spent some time there during the gestation but in the end it is a city of shadows for me that I just didn't want my beautiful new child being born in.
VM- What was the birth like?
KK- It was massive; just life affirming and sustaining.
NU- That’s a personal question – we are too private.
VM – Keith, we noticed there are no musical instruments or anything musical in your home.
KK- Well, that’s the past; that’s my past. (at this point Keith tears up and starts weeping)
NU- We talked while in Tahiti and we both felt that music was a hobby for Keith not really anything solid. Since he left that he has become more devoted to me, to our union. The music was a distraction from what is important. I just, well, we just felt that since I didn't understand it, music wasn't that cohesive to our goals.
VM - Your goals?
NU - Yes we are a complete family unit, and we will present ourselves as such. When I make a movie, we make that movie, and Keith sees how blissful that is. I can't see life without that devotion.
VM- How is the day to day care of the baby going?
NU- I hear it’s a struggle but we all vent and I make sure we are all a team. The baby is well cared for. She is from heaven and the gods and we are lucky to be in her light. My parents and sister are helpful and we are so close. I had other children but not like this.
VM- Keith?
KK- (sniffling and wiping his eyes) She is precious and small and mine. She is my child and when I have seen her she seems so aware of this time, this place. She is very in the moment.
VM - What is your favorite memory of the baby so far?
NU - When she heard my voice and smiled that was our connection.
KK - During one of the hours I was able to be in the nursery the nurse held her up and she smiled at me.
NU- Darling, that was gas.
KK- No, sweetheart, she was told by Nurse Gulch ‘that is your father’. She knew.
NU -Thank you for coming today, but I have my spin yoga class.
KK - I am watching a movie of my 2005 concert from Red Rocks.
VM- Well thank you both for sharing this time with us.
NU- Yes, I guess we will have photos for your article (she gets ups and leaves).
KK - Hey baby, that’s a great skirt you have on. Would you like to stay have a drink and watch a movie with me?
VM- Well, um I …
KK- C'mon darlin’, I can show you the house maybe even show you the great tub I have in my wing…
VM- Really?
KK- Yeah, c'mon, let’s go!
NU- KEITH! Damn it. Go back to your wing and don’t forget about calling your mother. I am sorry he has these funny moments and people didn't really understand his humor. Thank you again.

We never did see the baby.

28 comments:

bunniecruncher said...

I usually read this blog but don't comment. But this one is hilarious.

notachance said...

Tacky, tacky, tacky....

That said, the author certainly captured the tone & feel of recent conversations with both of them - vague, ambiguous and full of bullsh*t - so much so I felt them in the room.

maclen said...

Excellent mocking piece, Urban Myths... the best yet. Although I do believe you gave kidman too much credit by making her too coherent.

White Trash said...

Man, you guys were on a role with the humor, but this current blog....well, frankly it's quite assanine. You all must be desperate for news today and why would you spend so much time creating this crap is beyond me!

You could do so much better people!

doublewide said...

Although I do believe you gave kidman too much credit by making her too coheren
-------------------------------

i agree, maclen....this one was a crack up....my compliments to the blogger

as usual, all about NK

banbotox said...

Another laugh out loud blog!!

rememberwhen said...

I hope that wasn't the reason for the trip to Tahiti.

UM that was great!

wastedemotion said...

So sad that so much of it could ring true.

realitycheck said...

Can you smell the desperation? I can...

whitetrash, you are correct. Although i don't find anything they blog about actually funny, they could do much better than this latest offering.

I think whats going on here is Umyths is making a concerted effort to put out more blogs no matter what. Its a mistake. What is there to lampoon right now, that hasn't already been discussed ad nauseam?

Is this just blogging practice for when the baby arrives?

notachance said...

"I think whats going on here is Umyths is making a concerted effort to put out more blogs no matter what. Its a mistake. What is there to lampoon right now, that hasn't already been discussed ad nauseam?"

While you might be right about that RC, I think you missed the comical point of it. There are times when UM does show her funny bone.

David said...

RC and WT - why take the time to sit and read it then? I don't get either of you. If you don't like it here, why do you constantly come back? Just simply to read the blogs? Or just to give us all a hard time? WE don't have to like Nicole Kidman and the fact that he is married to her just because we are his fans. I think it is idiotic of you to think that we should. Don't you get tired of slinging all of that monkey and rabbit poo? I imagine it gets under your nails and the smell never really comes out....

Listen, we don't go over to MV and your pretty Keith' loving websites and bash your dumb scrapbook/baby shower ideas. We have the right to speak freely about how we feel about Keith and his career without your damn input !!

notachance said...

A little harsh, don't you think David?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and WT & RC certainly were not bashing anyone - unlike yours.

realitycheck said...

david, you can sling all the poo you want. I think you are completely mistaken if you believe this blog is just about disliking someone.

If Monkeyville, KUfans, or NKU allowed the skeptic viewpoint you'd already be there posting away.

If you want a board or blog without opposing opinion go make one and set up posting guidelines or make it private.

End of story.

realitycheck said...

"While you might be right about that RC, I think you missed the comical point of it. There are times when UM does show her funny bone."


Notachance, this isn't a friend teasing a fellow friend where you can laugh and joke about people's quirks. It's purely strategical, giving NK haters what they want, while buying time since they can't deliver the goods they promised...a.k.a. "The Awful Truth about Nicole Mary Kidman".

I believe that these mock interviews and conversations were born out of necessity. If there isn't anything to really discuss give the people what they want, KUNK jokes. Its nothing of substance and it doesn't prove anything they said they were out to prove.

However, more blog entires, even if they are "reruns", creates more results in search engines, therefore raising the profile of the blog and potentially more readers.

Thats really whats behind the more frequent postings.

SettleDown said...

And just like on the KUNK threads of the E! Board, each and every time the bunnies open the site up, read a blog and post their opposing viewpoint - it creates traffic and popularity hits of the blog.

Gee, Thanks! :-)

wastedemotion said...

I think David's point is one so many of us agree with and understand.....if you are so offended by what you read here, why bother reading here....there will never be a Nicole Kidman is great blog here....never...you're reading the wrong blog.....yet something keeps pulling you back here....if we could be honest on the various other boards many of us still wouldnt go there anyway because of the immature, naive idol like way Keith is discussed.

realitycheck said...

But there is a point to what we are posting. Umyths posting blog after blog with nothing new has no point. Generating interest is fine but they are doing it in a very desperate fashion.

And may i point out the E! board doesn't need KUNK supporters to stay afloat. As long as there are celebrities they'll be fine. Its backed by a television network based on gossip so it feeds on itself. This blog is maintained by regular people. They arent going to turn away hits from non-skeptics because they know they need us.

Im not bothered that my posting here or visiting here may up their profile. As far as I'm concerned it allows more people to see what a fraud this blog is.

Imahick said...

Personally, I thought this blog was funny and entertaining. If you are looking for a revelation ... this is not the blog you're going to get that in. But if you're looking for a laugh (and a well constructed one at that) ... this is a great blog.

RC...you need to lighten up!

SettleDown said...

You're absolutely right imahick.

Sometimes, you just want a cheeseburger ;-)

doublewide said...

You're absolutely right imahick.

Sometimes, you just want a cheeseburger ;-)
--------------------------------

LOL.....now that's true! good one!

zoe said...

blog

maclen said...

....blog?.... blog...... "It's a blog eat blog world out there!".... so try to take a little "relish" with yours... you know, when it starts to get "hot" in here....

banbotox said...

maclen said:...when it starts to get "hot" in here....

Really RC-take a cold shower already. The constant preaching is really getting old...we are not going to say anything nice about your mary nicole kidman so why haven't you realized that yet? Do you buzz kill everything?

Casse Role said...

Not to be rude here, but if one doesn't find this blog, interesting or fun why bother wasting time coming here? It really must bother some in one way or another, other wise you'd be off looking at other blogs. Maybe actually enjoying them instead of repeatedly making remarks about how this blog isn't what it should be, or isn't what you'd like it to be. It is what it is. If you (actually I am saying if ANYONE) doesn't like it, there is no one twisting their arm to stay.

If you went to a resturant and didn't like the chicken, would you still sit there and eat it??

Tara said...

I see the author of the articles name was changed.

bstnactrs said...

"Not to be rude here, but if one doesn't find this blog, interesting or fun why bother wasting time coming here? It really must bother some in one way or another, other wise you'd be off looking at other blogs. Maybe actually enjoying them instead of repeatedly making remarks about how this blog isn't what it should be, or isn't what you'd like it to be. It is what it is. If you (actually I am saying if ANYONE) doesn't like it, there is no one twisting their arm to stay.

If you went to a resturant and didn't like the chicken, would you still sit there and eat it??"


Proably they would if they had a gripe with the chef and wanted to drive him/her crazy with their constant taunts and insults - that is their purpose here.

Like an angry, pouty child who is determined to get back at you. Everytime I read one of their comments, I picture them as that child yelling, "SO THERE!"

LOL.


As for the blog's purpose, I cannot speak for everyone that writes an article, only myself, but when I write an article, I am out to prove anything...provoke thought maybe but certainly not prove that my OPINION is right...it's only my opinion - that's all.

It sounds like they are taking the blog way more seriously than even we, the skeptics, intended...ironic huh?


If you are indeed here to see if we, the skeptics, prove anything, then you are wasting your time.

It is my understanding that this blog is simply here for entertianment purposes and to write about viewpoints & opinion regarding KUNK - nothing more.

Bstn

bstnactrs said...

ETA - that line in the 3rd paragraph of my response should read:

"I am NOT out to prove anything"

Not sure if you can edit these comments..can't figure it out. LOL.

hoho said...

I think David makes excellent points and I have to agree that if you are just coming here to try to make sure love Nicole Kidman, it isn't going to happen. I have never liked her or appreciated her work even before she got together with Keith. I am not delusioned to think that if he wasn't with her he would be with me. I just feel that when he met her, he changed and not in a more positive way. I don't understand why all of you Nicole pushers feel the need to continually come here and try to defend her. It wasted typing for sure !! I am never going to remotely like her or care about a woman who cares for no one but herself.

BTW this blog is hysterical and I can actually picture her throwing an ashtray at him when he says the wrong thing while she is chain-smoking !! Keith probably had a few beers after this interview too ;0)