WEEK ONE - KUNUNURRA (cont.)
My emotions are raw. I am sick of the child Brandon. Every time his snotty little brown face looks up at me and smiles, I have to restrain myself from striking him. He is stealing the scenes from me and it annoys me to no end. I hate working with children.
I hooked up with Isadora and Calum last night by webcam. They weren’t that interested in talking to me, but I had to tell them what I am doing, how hard it is and how very tired I am. I thought it would be good for them to know how much I worked for them. How much I sacrificed for them. Children are so self absorbed, however, and all they seemed to want to talk about was their friends. I got bored and told them I had to go. I love them so much and need them to tell me how much they love me and admire me.
I am dying to have a child, a real child…one from my womb. It would be so important to me to carry a child inside in my tummy and show everyone how young and vibrant I am. I have asked Keith many times but he wants to wait. His sobriety is something he feels he needs to work on. I’m so sick of hearing about his damn sobriety. I went through hell when he went in for treatment. Didn’t he realize what he put me through? Sometimes I think he has no idea how I’ve suffered for his addictions.
I am overwhelmed again. They are asking me to work from 9 am until 3 pm with only three one-hour breaks. It’s ridiculous. Is there no law against overextending people? Just because I am a star?
A woman from the local catering agency made eye contact with me today. I was simply appalled at her forwardness. I am an Oscar winner and I am the star of this movie. So, when she looked at me and smiled an acknowledgement, I almost blew. Keith told me to relax, she was just being pleasant. He is so easy. But it is clearly outlined in my contract that I do not have to tolerate impudence like this. I reported her to Baz and she was gone by the end of the day. That will show everyone what the appropriate standard of behavior is. I see some of them looking at me, out of the corner of my eye, but most look away immediately if I look toward them. I don’t mind them gazing at me in awe of my beauty, but the direct contact is completely unacceptable.
My forehead moved today! It did not move much, but I saw in the mirror a tiny line forming between my eye brows. The last treatment should have lasted longer. I hyperventilated and Keith had to rub my feet to calm me. Thank God he loves me so much. I immediately called my surgeon. Baz will fly him in as quickly as possible. Production must be halted in the meantime.
Baz came to ask me if it would be possible to film some of the sweeping scenes that don’t need close ups. I was amazed that he would ask me to step foot out of my trailer in this condition. I told him that he was pushing me to the limit, and if he didn’t stop, I might quit and where would he be? He backed off…and he and Keith had a conversation outside. I knew he was trying to get Keith to encourage me to work with him, but I don’t care if it is $250,000 per day when we can’t film. I am not exposing myself to any scrutiny because of my face. It is natural and pure and creamy white. Plus my lips will be fuller than ever after my surgeon has come.
This being the sixth day, Baz calls off the shoot and we will get the rest of today and tomorrow off. I am feeling so rejuvenated. It’s like I’m living in a dream land. The landscape is desolate and dreary and dusty and hot. I am so relieved to get out of this God forsaken place. People say I’m dreamie.
...to be continued