NK: I’m bored.
Keith: What? I’m having a blast.
NK: Whatever. I want out.
Keith: I can’t leave yet. I have another performance. Sunday is fine, if you are worried about her.
Keith: Sunday…our daughter. I called fifteen minutes ago and she was fine – drank her bottle and was off to sleep.
NK: Whatever. I’m bored. These people are so…dull.
Keith: What? These people are the elite of the elite. This is MY Oscars.
NK: PFFFST…right. Like there could be any question about someone like you winning an “Oscar.” Don’t be ridiculous!
Keith: Say what you will, but I was asked to step in at the last minute for the Al Green song, because they knew I could…they actually respect my musical ability.
NK: Sure, Kevin … they respect you. Right. OK…wait…did I miss the camera? Was I on?
Keith: … I don’t know…maybe. And … It’s Keith.
NK: Maybe? Kiefer, you’re supposed to let me know if they start shooting over here. I need to smile for the camera. I just had my cheeks done, you know.
Keith: Sorry baby. I didn’t notice. And … it’s Keith.
NK: God, I can’t ever rely on you. You’re so self centered. Between you and that screaming baby at home, I am nearly done. I had to spend almost 30 minutes with her this afternoon before the nanny would take her.
Keith: I’m sorry baby. I was so focused on my performance and then, the introduction for Carrie, I just lost track.
NK: Carrie this and Carrie that. Have you been screwing that skinny b*tch?
Keith: What? Nic…baby … I am not sleeping with Carrie Underwood.
NK: I got the botox and the cheek implants and the lip injections just for you Keegan, so I could look good for you...
Keith: It’s Keith. OK…Nic, you look just fantastic. I have to go back stage again to get ready for my last performance.
NK: What? Again? I can’t even remember who you are playing with. Is it Bono?
Keith: No…not Bono. Remember…I’m part of a tribute to Bo Diddley, with BB King, Buddy Guy and John Mayer.
NK: You should be playing with Bono…or Sting…or Sir Paul. BB King … who is he anyway? Bo Diddley sounds like a cartoon character.
Keith: He’s a very important part of the history of rock and roll. I’m playing with BB King and Buddy Guy…It’s a huge honor for me.
NK: I never heard of them. Just get it over with Kristopher. Are you wearing your high heels?
Keith: Well, I didn’t put the 3 inch heels on. I have my boots on.
NK: I wanted you taller. I wanted you to look more like…well…Tom. Only taller. I’m not keen on that suit either. You need a tie and vest.
Keith: Not for the Grammy’s. I wanted to look myself for a change…I didn’t want to look like a freakin’ banker.
NK: Well, for the Oscars you’ll wear what I tell you. Go do your Bo King imitation or whatever you’re doing and get it over with.
Keith: Bo Diddley … it’s a tribute. Fine … then, we can head home to Sunday.
NK: What? I’m not going home for that snot nosed baby. I want to meet Sir Paul and maybe P Diddy or someone like that. Maybe we can go to one of the parties. I feel like partying.
Keith: Well, I’d like to get home to our baby. I was so busy with rehearsals that I hardly spent any time with her today.
NK: You go home then, Kelvin. I’m partying with some real musicians.
Keith: Nic, you should really spend more time with Sunday. She will grow up not knowing her mum.
NK: Seriously, Kerry, she is not going to forget who I am because I go to a party one night. Show her a picture.
Keith: Is that your final word? You aren’t coming back to the hotel with me after the show is over?
NK: Don’t put this kind of pressure on me, Kenneth. I have spent almost every afternoon between 2 and 3 pm with that child for the last two weeks. I think I’m owed a night out partying.
Keith: its Keith…My name is Keith. Ok…I’m off to perform and then, I’m heading back home to Sunday. You can do what you want.
NK: Exactly right. I deserve a night out. I have only been out four nights this last week and had to stay home on Wednesday night because the Nanny wanted a night off. So I was stuck babysitting. I was bored out of my mind.
Keith: Well…That explains it.