Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Keith and Nicole's Conversation Overheard at the Grammy's

NK: I’m bored.

Keith: What? I’m having a blast.

NK: Whatever. I want out.

Keith: I can’t leave yet. I have another performance. Sunday is fine, if you are worried about her.

NK: Who?

Keith: Sunday…our daughter. I called fifteen minutes ago and she was fine – drank her bottle and was off to sleep.

NK: Whatever. I’m bored. These people are so…dull.

Keith: What? These people are the elite of the elite. This is MY Oscars.

NK: PFFFST…right. Like there could be any question about someone like you winning an “Oscar.” Don’t be ridiculous!

Keith: Say what you will, but I was asked to step in at the last minute for the Al Green song, because they knew I could…they actually respect my musical ability.

NK: Sure, Kevin … they respect you. Right. OK…wait…did I miss the camera? Was I on?

Keith: … I don’t know…maybe. And … It’s Keith.

NK: Maybe? Kiefer, you’re supposed to let me know if they start shooting over here. I need to smile for the camera. I just had my cheeks done, you know.

Keith: Sorry baby. I didn’t notice. And … it’s Keith.

NK: God, I can’t ever rely on you. You’re so self centered. Between you and that screaming baby at home, I am nearly done. I had to spend almost 30 minutes with her this afternoon before the nanny would take her.

Keith: I’m sorry baby. I was so focused on my performance and then, the introduction for Carrie, I just lost track.

NK: Carrie this and Carrie that. Have you been screwing that skinny b*tch?

Keith: What? Nic…baby … I am not sleeping with Carrie Underwood.

NK: I got the botox and the cheek implants and the lip injections just for you Keegan, so I could look good for you...

Keith: It’s Keith. OK…Nic, you look just fantastic. I have to go back stage again to get ready for my last performance.

NK: What? Again? I can’t even remember who you are playing with. Is it Bono?

Keith: No…not Bono. Remember…I’m part of a tribute to Bo Diddley, with BB King, Buddy Guy and John Mayer.

NK: You should be playing with Bono…or Sting…or Sir Paul. BB King … who is he anyway? Bo Diddley sounds like a cartoon character.

Keith: He’s a very important part of the history of rock and roll. I’m playing with BB King and Buddy Guy…It’s a huge honor for me.

NK: I never heard of them. Just get it over with Kristopher. Are you wearing your high heels?

Keith: Well, I didn’t put the 3 inch heels on. I have my boots on.

NK: I wanted you taller. I wanted you to look more like…well…Tom. Only taller. I’m not keen on that suit either. You need a tie and vest.

Keith: Not for the Grammy’s. I wanted to look myself for a change…I didn’t want to look like a freakin’ banker.

NK: Well, for the Oscars you’ll wear what I tell you. Go do your Bo King imitation or whatever you’re doing and get it over with.

Keith: Bo Diddley … it’s a tribute. Fine … then, we can head home to Sunday.

NK: What? I’m not going home for that snot nosed baby. I want to meet Sir Paul and maybe P Diddy or someone like that. Maybe we can go to one of the parties. I feel like partying.

Keith: Well, I’d like to get home to our baby. I was so busy with rehearsals that I hardly spent any time with her today.

NK: You go home then, Kelvin. I’m partying with some real musicians.

Keith: Nic, you should really spend more time with Sunday. She will grow up not knowing her mum.

NK: Seriously, Kerry, she is not going to forget who I am because I go to a party one night. Show her a picture.

Keith: Is that your final word? You aren’t coming back to the hotel with me after the show is over?

NK: Don’t put this kind of pressure on me, Kenneth. I have spent almost every afternoon between 2 and 3 pm with that child for the last two weeks. I think I’m owed a night out partying.

Keith: its Keith…My name is Keith. Ok…I’m off to perform and then, I’m heading back home to Sunday. You can do what you want.

NK: Exactly right. I deserve a night out. I have only been out four nights this last week and had to stay home on Wednesday night because the Nanny wanted a night off. So I was stuck babysitting. I was bored out of my mind.

Keith: Well…That explains it.


Tara said...

the best picture ever of Keith and Vampira.

joy said...

Boy, Oh boy, I bet it was just something so simple and usual like husbands and wives talk about all the time. If we all were watched in public with our spouses I'm sure there would be some pretty strange rumor starting photos. I for one was glad to see her there in "Keith's element". That's what a marriage is---give and take supporting each other in each of their careers, jobs, dreams, goals, etc.

Keith looked and sounded amazing and I'm glad he performed twice and introduced Carrie.

Was glad to see them both there.

hoosierlady said...

Had a horrible day, thank you, UM.

onlykeith said...

Hahahaha what a classic conversation,thanks UM.Who is Keith married to again?
Love you Keith.

Choice said...

You wonder if Nicole and Keith rehearse these glances at home beforehand. I don't think I've ever seen a couple play up for the cameras as much as these two.
"The Nicole and Keith Show" comes to a town near you real soon. Tickets available now.


maclen said...

Well, Urban Myths, with kidman's admitted "temper" this is probably tame in comparson to the the real thing. As for the "posed" glances choice...I'm sure they'll be put to use once again within the month...as I highly doubt after "roboface" had the new procedures, she isnt about to let the oscars pass without a walk on appearence. Kidman surely doesnt strike me as the type to let the money go to waste. As I commented before, kidman in LA of course doesnt mean any photo ops with cruise's kids...but kind of surprised she hasnt been out yet for her typical west coast "black cap and track suit" work out photo ops, or truthfully, I am not surprised at all since she is still in hiding over the humilation and end of her career. So she either hightailed it back to the undisclosed location in Tenn. until the oscars...or maybe she is not in ultra work out mode since she doesnt have any baby weight to battle as she did exactly a year ago. Plus, she must be in "rehab" mode...healing up from her recent trip under the knife.

cricket said...

That was probably more of a conversation than they ever really have together. The real ones are probably over web-cam with her telling him what time to show up for his close-up and which one of Tom's old suits he should wear

realitycheck said...

Whats the point Umyths? Anybody who has read this blog a few times can write this conversation. Its the same one you've posted the last five times!

wastedemotion said...

If you can do better RC, do it.
I see you're still around being miserable, havent you found any other party to crash?

LightSourceYoga said...

I love Keith's music and love to see him perform. As for his personal life, obviously, I know nothing about him or that wife. However, it is fun to guess/speculate about what it must be like, based on facts about her creepy behavior.
Has anyone else thought how Keith and Carrie Underwood would be together? She admitted to having a crush on him (who doesn't?) and their lives would seem to be a lot more similar than with NK. I think they would make a cute couple and she would probably treat him wonderfully, compared to NK and her demands.
There has to be something in this relationship for him that keeps him there, and I have no idea what it could be. It really baffles me as to what he get's out of this partnership. Any ideas?
So, anyone else think they would be a great couple, or am I just wishing?

Imahick said...

Light Source Yoga said: "It really baffles me as to what he get's out of this partnership. Any ideas?"

$$$$$$$$$$$ ... and lots of it.

I actually think she controls him and he is happy with that right now. I think that she has taken his free will away and he doesn't have to work as hard to stay sober, because she controls his life. Unfortunately, he will have to put the hard work in at some point if he is to stay clean & sober.

onlykeith said...

I love Keiths music but why does he have to refer to her in his songs when he plays live as at Daytona?