A Fan's Review of the Beginning of Keith's US Tour

Thank you to the fan that shared her review of the Phoenix, Vegas and San Diego shows:

Before I start my review, let me say...this is really long. I want you guys to open your mind and close your eyes and picture the events you are about to read. So I didn't have to write 3 reviews, I added elements from each show. All three shows are rolled up in this one review.

DJ Debo sits over in the corner of the venue spinning some tunes while the crowd sits on the edge of their seat, not knowing what to expect. A small glowing circle appears on the massive screen that takes up the entire wall of the back of the venue. The stage is set. Michael Jackson is singing in the background as everyone hurries to grab their last drinks before settling in for the show. A faint sound of a heartbeat is heard through the lyrics of Billie Jean. As the song progresses, the heartbeat gets stronger. Suddenly the song breaks into Vanilla Ice...then Pink....then Justin Timberlake...heartbeat getting stronger and stronger with each note of the song.

Everyone stares at the stage as the glowing dot grows larger.....larger...larger into the makings of what looks like a golden heart. The heart grows and the heartbeat is now pounding in your chest. Louder....louder....stronger. Suddenly the heart breaks and you see the silhouette of a man we've been longing to see...rising up from the floor. Once in a Lifetime starts to play as the silhouette slowly makes its way to the microphone.

Mmmmm.....mmmmm.....mmm.....mmmmmmmmm. I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch. That sound is music to my ears. The crowd is on its feet...screaming and cheering. The silhouette starts to sing the chorus as the lights come up and you can see the entire band with the look in their eyes saying.....Oh Lord, it's SOOOO good to be back home!

The passion in his eyes as he lays back playing guitar like he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. Lightning flashes as he gets down and into his guitar solo. He ends the song with a sing along with the crowd. Oh...oh....oh...... oh.....oh.....oh!

"HOW YA DOIN'?" (INSERT CITY HERE) The crowd roars!

As Once in a Lifetime ended he moved into Where the Blacktop Ends.....I love to hear some of the older stuff. It brings back so many memories. He moves from the right side of the stage to the left side....they are having so much fun. He is grinning from ear to ear.

Then on to Shine. As the music starts.....you see a silhouette of Keith on a solid red background on the massive screen. The silhouette slightly moves as the piano starts to play. On the screen Keith stands up from the piano and walks off and the guitar starts to play.....throughout the song the screen flashes bright bold colors and black silhouettes of each of the band members playing their instruments. You will notice that the screen and the actual band are making the exact same movements. The technology is phenomenal.

The lights go down again and you can see the sparkle of the candy apple red bass guitar and you know what is about to come. Faster Car starts and the crowd goes wild. As he sings, he stumbles through a couple of the lines, but what can you expect from someone in their first show? As the song goes on the band lines up in a single file line and heads out on the catwalk...The first walk of death! The crowd erupted with cheers. Girls were about the pass out at the thought of Keith being a few feet from them. The boys stood staggered on the catwalk for the end musical rendition of Faster Car. Keith looked so happy to be standing there at that moment.

They move back to the stage to set up for a slower song. The boys disappear as Keith stands in the dark pulling his acoustic guitar over his shoulder. He slowly makes his way to the center of the catwalk with a single spotlight shining down on his newly lightened hair. Although I love the wind and lightening in the original Raining on Sunday, there's something about the passion in his voice in the acoustic version. The crowd sounds so sweet singing along with him during the chorus. A little girl, about 8 or 9 sits on her dad's shoulders with a sign that says...Be My First Kiss. Keith genuinely answers her between verses..."I'll be right there, baby." The little girl laughs with excitement.

The lights go back down as he makes his way back to the stage and is joined by his band. He hangs on to his acoustic guitar..but only for a little while as Stupid Boy starts to sound through the entire arena. As he nears the end of the song the crowd is hushed. The lights go down and the shadow pulls on his electric guitar. The roar of the guitar is deafening, but boy that man knows how to lay it down.

"So you're leaving..in the morning...on the early train" Such a fantastic song to sing at that moment. He wants to bring us back into the emotion of simple music. The crowd just can't get enough.

He grabs his 4th guitar of the night and starts singing Used to the Pain. I never thought I'd hear this on in concert, but I am so glad I did. I love this song. It sounds so pure LIVE! When the song ends the lights go down yet again and the on the screen you see Keith in sepia tones...in a dark empty room, sitting on a stool with his ganjo playing the bluegrass version of Used to the Pain...as the boys make their way to the end of the catwalk. As they near the end...a small round stage lifts up from the floor. They take their places as the back of the venue cheers in disbelief.

"How are you guys back here doing NOW?" He exclaims as all the house light flash showing the entire back of the arena on their feet. Keith turns to the front of the arena and says, "To all of you up there, sorry about the view". The front roars with laughter.. who would mind looking at his backside???

The band moves into place as Better Half starts to play...baby...it's a sweeeeeeeetttttt love that you give to me.. He allows the audience to join him at the end and he just sits back with a content smile on his face. You can see how much he loves this.

The stools are placed in the circle and the band sits down to have a little chat with Keith. Keith introduces Brian Nutter. Brian stands and takes a bow to each side of the arena. Then on to Chris Rodriguez. Keith tells the crowd how Chris is from Puerto Rico and then asks him to sing in Spanish. Chris says...El Nino de Stupido...lol! For those who don't know Spanish, that's Stupid Boy in Spanish. Keith tells the crowd that if they know the words, they should sing along. He next introduces Jerry Flowers, mentioning that they used to be a little band called the Ranch. Jerry looks so happy to be standing there.

He moves into Making Memories of Us. The audience definitely knows the words to that one. It's soft and slow but he seems as if he's ready to move on to the next song.

You'll Think of Me starts the same way as it always has...slow and meaningful. The crowd that has seen him before anticipates the ending. I have never seen him play it as if he felt is as much as he did that night. He was a scorned lover and it showed. The crowd went nuts at the anger and emotion he put into that song. (In Phoenix) He looks up and stares at the sea of fans applauding him. He looks as if he's never seen it before as the tears well up in his eyes. He bites his lower lip to keep it from quivering and turns away from the camera. He tried to hide it...but we all saw it.

The road crew walks around the round stage handing out guitars to the band and the tribal beat starts.

YES...I love I Told You So. Keith stomps it out as the song nears the end. His head is bobbing back and forth and his hair falls gently on his face. A look of relief spreads on his face as the house lights go down. All of the sudden you hear the drums..coming from a completely different place. What in the world?? The lights go up on the main stage as a drum corps lines up. This is incredible! They play their own rendition of the drums in I Told You So and it is fantastic! The boys make their way back to the stage, but not before Brian Nutter decides to join in with a few beats of his own on the drums of the corps. So cute!

Keith comes back out to introduce the drum line from the local college/high school (depending on what city you're in).

The single guitar chords play as Days Go By starts. The band loves this one and you can see it in their faces. The guitar licks are not lacking in as he shimmies over to the left of the stage approaching the fans on the side.

As he gets back to the center of the stage, the lights go off and the piano rises up from underneath. Keith sits down and starts to play Tonight I Wanna Cry. This song has meaning to him, especially now. You can almost hear the pain in his voice, as he plays gently on the keys.

The crowd is silent as Keith stands on the back of the stage putting on his guitar. Brian Nutter starts to play the ganjo. Keith walks over to Brad Rice and puts his arm around him. He talked about how Brad was from Texas and he was so grateful that he decided to become part of this band. They call him Sweet B. He backs up to his microphone as Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me starts to play. He and Jerry play around jumping towards each other and hitting guitars. Doing his signature move, he gets down on one knee at the start of the catwalk. Standing up, he makes his way back up the catwalk to give the middle of the crowd a guitar solo. Making his way to the right of the stage, he notices in the crowd that a security guard is heckling a teenage girl. He sternly says "Hey man, you need to chill out, she's just trying to have a good time." Evidently the security guy didn't pay attention because during the next line Keith says, "Hey man back off", as he plops down on the edge of the stage and motions for the little girl to come towards him. He points to the front row, motioning for her to come stand by him. He hands her the microphone and lets her sing along. Finishing out the song on the edge of the stage, he lays down and crosses his legs for the end of the guitar solo. Standing back up he moves directly to the center of the stage to move into his next song. Immediately following WWWBM, he goes directly into Somebody Like You. This must be a fan favorite. As everyone sings along, the band is dancing all around the stage.

One...Two...One..Two...One..Two..Three...Four.

Everyone starts jumping up and down, including Keith. It was so cool. He makes his way to the catwalk to do his other signature move of bending backwards while playing the guitar. Boy, what that man can do to a guitar never ceases to amaze me.

He walks to the mic to tell everyone thanks for coming and for us all to have a good night. He stands there smiling in awe of the reception he has received for the entire night. The lights go out while he is waving to everyone and he walks off the stage.

No one moves...this can't be the end. One cellphone lights up in the crowd. That one cellphone turns into 5...5 turns into 10...10 into 100...until the entire arena looked like it had been invaded by fireflies. It was beautiful.

(In Phoenix) Keith walks out and sits at the piano as the spotlight slowly turns to him..."WOW!" he exclaims like a little boy at Christmas. "That looks amazing!!! You guys are awesome!" The cheers don't stop. As the camera gets closer and closer, his face covers the wall size screen. The cheers keep going. Keith tries to talk, but no one will let him. His head lowers and he is grinning like a little boy. He looks up at the camera and...what was that? What did I just see? He's crying!! He bites his lower lip and turns from the camera. He shakes his head in disbelief. He can't believe the response he has gotten the entire night. Finally the arena calms down enough so he can talk. (In Vegas) He says he wants to try something new tonight. He wants the entire arena to sit down and put their phones by their side. He says he will turn out the spotlight and the arena will be completely black. Starting with one side he wants to do the wave with only cell phones. The spotlight dims and on his cue, the arena starts the wave and circles twice. He was so pleased with what he had just created. He was laughing so hard. (in San Diego) On his cue, the crowd started waving their phones around. " No No No", he laughs. "Turn the light back on please. Ok you guys...I want you to do the 'WAVVVVEEE' (as he stands up to demonstrate, hands in the air) not the 'wave' (as he waves his hand as if to say hello). The crowd howls with laughter. We started again.The lights go off and on his cue, they got it. We went around twice...and it was amazing to see.

He proceeds to thank each and every one of his fans for the love and support though the crazy 6-8 months he has had. He said he had never felt so loved as he had with the emails and cards and letters. He then thanked his wife and dedicated the next song to her. He played Got it Right This Time. While being very "un-fan-like" I changed up a few of the lyrics just to put a positive spin on a song that I'm not all that fond of, lol! We had a good laugh about it! If you could have seen the emotion in that song, you would be convinced that he is in love. Maybe not with his wife, but he's in love with someone. You just can't fake that kind of passion!

He stood up and the piano disappeared back into the stage as Better Life started. This song is always a crowd favorite. He walked out to the catwalk once again to give the girls (and some guys) what they like...a guitar solo full of emotion. Not forgetting what he had told the little girl on her father's shoulders, he laid down on the stage and tilted his head back to give her her first kiss. Standing back up he looked up at the ceiling and nodded his head and confetti filled the arena. As he shimmied back to the front of the stage the boys all joined him in the center to finish out the song.

He again thanked everyone for coming out, as well as the "hard working road crew" for putting the show on every night. He said his goodbyes and started the last song of the night. He sang Everybody (written with Richard Marx). It's a fantastic song and a good one for the shows end. As the last notes were played everyone groaned because it was over. He stood at the edge of the catwalk as if soaking it all in. He looked so happy to be there. He looked as if he didn't want to leave either. He was taking in every possible aspect of this beautiful night. He sighed a sigh of relief as the boys joined him for one final bow. He blew kisses and did the traditional bow to the crowd and he smiled that million dollar smile. Waving, he left the stage, but not before flashing one final grin with his eyes saying ...Thank God I'm Back!

Keith and Nicole Visit a Local Fish & Chip Shop in Bowen

Keith and NK enter a small restaurant in Bowen, which specializes in fish n chips. NK has insisted that they make an appearance of “mingling” with the locals.

NK: “You will order for me, won’t you? I have no idea what to order in a place like this. It smells”.

Keith: “It’s just fish, baby. The fish is great here. I’ll order for you. Do you want something to drink?”

NK: “Can I get a nice Chablis or perhaps a fruity Reisling?”

Keith: “This place isn’t licensed to sell alcohol, sweetheart. But they have soda pop, juices, coffee, tea…that sort of thing.”

NK: “No wine? What kind of establishment have you brought me into? This is ludicrous. I will not eat a meal without an appropriate wine….surely you don’t expect me to.”

Keith: “You wanted to go to a regular restaurant in Bowen and show the locals that you’re down to earth. This is the place, my pet.”

NK: “Oh, Lord. The sacrifices I make to try to prove how normal I am. This damn movie is going to be the end of me. OK...is that person over there looking at me?”

Keith: “Who…who are you talking about baby?”

NK: “Over there…there’s a young sort of scruffy looking female who has actually looked at me…for quite a while. Oh…God…she’s coming over here. Don’t tell me she is going to talk to us. Surely she isn’t so forward as to think she should be entitled to speak to us.”

Keith: “She’s the waitress, Nic. It’s her job.”

NK: “Well, she’d better not LOOK at me. If she makes eye contact, I will report her to Baz. He’ll have her removed.”

Keith: “She’s just a normal girl doing her job. If she looks at you, it doesn’t mean anything. She’s just going to be friendly and take our order.”

NK: “Well, if she thinks it’s OK to look directly at me…to actually LOOK at me, I will be offended. I will report her to Baz.”

Keith: “I don’t think Baz has any authority here…just relax baby. We’ll get our food and head back to the trailer so you don’t have to suffer with the regular people looking at you.”

NK: “Ok…but I believe Baz has bought Bowen for me, and so surely he could put out a commandment that no one can actually look at me…and especially not make eye contact. I think that’s only fair. Why should I have to suffer the indignity of having common people look directly at me? It’s ridiculous.”

Keith: “OK…just stay calm and we can get out of here shortly.” (Keith places order with the waitress, who smiles at him and NK, welcoming them to the restaurant. Keith smiles back and thanks her)

NK: “Can you believe that? She had the nerve to speak to me…to actually look at me. I can’t believe that.” (NK pulls her cell phone out of the bag that Keith is carrying for her, and dials frantically) “Baz…Baz…it’s Nic…I have just had the most offensive and horrid experience in my life. A waitress…a common waitress actually spoke to me. I am so distressed, I may not be able to work for the next few days. Truly…I am shaking.”

Keith: “Relax baby…she’s just trying to be friendly.”

NK: “You relax...never, NEVER speak to me like that. Remember that I … I saved you. You would be NOTHING now if it wasn’t for me. I have just been spoken to by a waitress. Who does she think she is to actually speak to me, let alone look in my direction? I’ll have her job.”

Keith: “Nic…baby…I know you saved me. You’ve told me over and over. Be calm baby…our food is coming right away. Let’s not make a scene and head back to the trailer. We can eat there and no one can look at you. I won’t even look at you.”

NK: “OK…fetch me some water and an ice cream and I’ll let it go. But you will have to buy me more presents than usual this week now that I’ve done this for you.”

Keith: “Yes baby…my beautiful, beautiful princess. I’ll get you a rose for every blood vessel you’ve burst in your temple over this. I’ll buy you a first edition book to calm the bulging veins in your neck. I’ll buy you a new ring…a huge canary diamond… to help sooth your frazzled nerves. I know how traumatic this has been for you, my pet, but in time, you’ll get used to seeing regular people and even having to talk to them sometimes. It’s only for a few months and then, we’ll get out of this dust bowl back to LA and the good life.”

NK: “Yes…you’re right. Now…carry my bag and kneel down and tie my shoes. The lace is undone.”

Keith: “Absolutely, darling.” (Keith kneels in front of NK, tying her shoe) “Anything you say. And our food is ready. Let’s get out of here back to the trailer and I’ll open the wine for you.”

NK: “Good. I can hardly breathe in this stink hole. And if you think you’re getting a sip of my wine, you’re wrong. You can drink water. I’ll drink the wine. I couldn’t do without wine with my food, but you are a drunk, so there’ll be no wine for you. Now…carry my large white purse, my jacket, my sun screen, my cell phone, the food and be careful with it.”

Keith: “Absolutely baby. I’m so grateful that you let me carry your things. I am so grateful for everything. I’m just plain blessed. You’re fantastic.”

Keith & Nicole on the Set of "Ugly in the Wind"

How Keith will be spending the upcoming week in Oz in preparation for the Queen's birthday and the first anniversary of the royal nuptials...

This conversation between NK and Keith was overheard on the set of "Ugly in the Wind"…filming in Bowen, Australia.

NK: “Where’s my water? I’ve just had to perform for almost 30 minutes and I’m parched? Where’s my water?”

Keith (running frantically to NK’s chair in the shade): “Here baby…I’ve got your water.”NK: “Pay attention…I shouldn’t have to wait to get my thirst quenched. That was nearly 60 seconds.” (NK takes the bottle of special blend water and takes a long drink)

Keith: “I’m sorry baby…I know how fortunate I am to be with you...to be able to carry your water and fetch things for you. You saved me, or so you’ve told me over and over.”

NK: (spitting the water out) “What is the temperature of this water? I believe that I told you I wanted the water at precisely 4 degrees Celsius. This is at least 8 degrees…It’s putrid. I can’t stomach it.”

Keith: “I’m sorry … Nic…I’m so sorry. It was warm and the cooler wasn’t keeping the beverages cool…it’s so hot out here. I tried to get them to cool off in the fridge in your trailer…but it wasn’t in there long enough, I guess. Really…I tried to make sure it was the right temperature for you, my beautiful, beautiful princess.” (Gag)

NK: “Right…whatever. I’m perspiring heavily here. Obviously I need a botox injection…I shouldn’t be perspiring on my face. Call my doctor and tell him I need him immediately…it’s an emergency.” (Keith disappears into the trailer, returning about five minutes later)

Keith: “Bad news, baby. Your doctor is attending a serious car accident with multiple burn victims and will not be able to come for hours.”

NK: “What??…and you explained that it was me…Nicole Kidman … requesting his presence? He knows that it’s ME who needs him?”

Keith: “I told his receptionist … she knew it was an emergency for you.”

NK: “This is unacceptable…simply unacceptable. Does he expect me to suffer the indignity of perspiration in front of the regular people here?”

Keith: “It’s hot baby, everyone is sweating. No one will think anything of it.”

NK: "I do NOT sweat. I will NOT sweat. Keith…look over there.”

Keith: “Where…what are you looking at, my pet?”

NK: “Over there, on the street. Is that someone LOOKING at me? Seriously…is one of the townspeople looking at me? I can’t believe the audacity. She looks like she is just a housewife.”

Keith: “I think she is just out for a stroll with her kids, Nic. I think she just happened to look in this direction…I don’t think she is looking at you, in particular.”

NK: “Are you implying that she doesn’t want to look at me. Of course she does. Everyone wants to look at me…and I’m having none of it. Call the mayor and tell him to put out a decree that NO ONE SHALL GAZE UPON MY PERSON DIRECTLY except the leads in this movie and of course, Baz.”

Keith: “Sure, baby. I’ll pop over right after your break and discuss it with him. I’m sure that we can come to some conclusion.”

NK: “Good…oh...she’s looking at us. She’s looking at us again. Give me a kiss and hold my hand. Get with it…hold my hand NOW. Make sure it looks like we love each other.”

Keith: “Sure, baby.” (as he reaches for NK’s rough red hand). “Ouch!”

NK: “What…what are you whining about?”

Keith: “Nothing, gorgeous. Just your hands are a bit rough.” (Keith wipes the blood off the abrasions on his fingers where it had been in contact with NK’s hands) “No major harm done…should heal in time for my next shows in the US.”

NK: “Like that is so important. Stop harping about you and your tour. I’m perspiring here in the heat and can’t get medical attention. I am subject to common people gawking at me. I am parched and can’t get a simple drink of water. And you are worried about your stupid fingers. Shut up and get me some water…COOL water…make it snappy.”

Keith: “Yes baby…you’re right. Forgive me, precious…I am so grateful to you for saving my life. Hang on and I’ll get your water and an ice cream cone.”

NK: “That’s more like it…and make it snappy.”

Oh Keith, quit it, just stop...

During every show and every interview, Keith Kidman tells the tale of how Nicole Kidman saved him. Saved him from what, and why? It makes me cringe, and sends chills up and down my spine that this man who has really been through his own hell, and has gotten through it, then says it's because of her that he is where he is. Does the man not realize it’s because of his own desire, his own willingness to make changes, that he is where he is? She wasn't next to him at Betty Ford was she? I believe there were only three documented visits. Keith was even amazed she showed up at all. Huh? She is your wife and whether the marriage is real or not, why wouldn't she be there every chance she could? I am pissed she wasn't there more often, but not really surprised she wasn't. She did take the press so we could see her educating Keith about the ducks. She seems to have checked out of this marriage shortly after the honeymoon. Instead of being an active part in the relationship she is a reactor.

"Oh poor me! He is a drunk and a druggie and he isn't the man I bought." No, Nicole, he is a very human being who actually did have a real life. It wasn't all rainbows and butterflies; it was about being afraid and lonely and working hard to get somewhere, and looking for someone to meet his needs, and getting to the top of his field and being a success on his own. I haven't a clue as to what those demons are that bring Keith Urban down from time to time but they are there. He and his doctors are probably the only ones that know, but whatever it was that happened at the Betty Ford Center was his work, his journey. He was the one who stayed and stayed.

I think he is putting himself down when he says “I wouldn't be here without her”. Keith, you are here because of YOU, not because of her. That kind of faith is not sustainable. Considering who you are, saying this about it makes me wonder why…

Insecurity, Fame and the Whole Crazy Thing: Summer Tour ‘07

On a movie set on a pretty fall day, the evil one seems agitated. Why would she be so upset? She is with her people, making her dream film, basking in the glare of the floodlights. Why is she so upset? Why? Why?

Because the musical one is far, far away and not under her control. As she takes a scaly red hand and brushes what is left of her natural hair away, the evil one picks up a newspaper and reads of triumph after triumph in America. "Those damn Yanks- what do they know, they liked Lenny too," She exclaimed to her handmaiden, Windy: "Windy, his music is terrible. It’s trite, mundane, and simplistic. It’s dull and boring just like he is. But yet he is getting raves for his show. I just don't understand." She felt the green eyed monster seize her and she knew she will have to reel him in. Because the musical one sold his soul and his life to her and she has the final say in what will be said about them. She takes off her glasses, puts out her cigarette and dials the phone.....

“Langley Hotel, to which room do you wish to speak?” is the answer. The evil one gives the answer and listens to the ring of the phone. After ten minutes she realizes the musical one is not in his room. "Where the effin bloody hell is he...?" Memories flood her thoughts. Back to New York in November 2005, the musical one wins big at the awards. He goes out with his mother and others. He didn't mention her. He was coy when asked about her. She called her friends at People and in twenty-four hours she got her wish. The pictures of the two of them strolling hand in hand wiped any trace of his awards, his big night, off the map.

She recalled she did this several times, his last concert of the tour in ‘05 when his family was there and mugging for the press she decided to invite herself to the show. She thought back to how he ruined her UN banquet by getting drunk and then he broke up with her and flew back to Music City. She got him! She called her friends at People again and announced her engagement.

She looked fondly at the picture of them with his new tattoo for all the world to see. Yes, she told him to get it. It was her gift to herself after being disgraced by his failure to be a real man and having to have to go to rehab. Of course she had to pick the rehab and bring the press there, but he still let her down. She lights up again and as she draws in the smoke she smiles to herself. She reads the interviews, yes he does talk about me, yes he does dedicate a song to me but those women will get him. They adore him. They all want to sleep with him - if they only knew.

She looks at her true love’s new wife wanting to escape, as told to a tabloid. She smiles to herself. She knows all about that. But, ultimately, she was dumped well. The musical one had better never even have that thought cross his mind. I created his world wide image I will destroy it too.

Again she dials the phone, this time another number...

In the Midwest, at a small hotel, a female hand grabs a cell phone and hands it to the man in bed with her. "Thanks baby, I will you get some more M&M's, and when I get off of here we can take a long bath together."

Seems not everyone can be controlled totally... or can they?

Keith Urban Kidman's Contradictions

The "Conversations" are being interrupted by an important blog that was sent in...

Recently in an interview hosted by the Wreckers being used to generate some excitement for the U.S. tour, Keith Urban made two statements which seem to be total contradictions:

First, when asked about his relationship with the audience: "For me it's very spiritual because it's that connectedness, that oneness, you know. I love those moments in shows and I go to a lot of shows, too, and there's something extraordinary when somebody hits a note when they're singing or they play something and everyone in the audience does this...or they all do that at the same time and that, that's an extraordinary thing. I mean I don't know that guy over there and he doesn't know me but we just reacted at the exact same moment and then we're back down again. It was just a fleeting moment. I find those moments just...Godly, quite literally beautiful. And that's what I'm seeking...not to find, but to free myself up, to be in those moments."

Then in almost the next breath he makes this statement about touring:

"I mean when my wife is with me that's when I'm the happiest. I mean straight up...that's the hardest part of touring for me...is being away from her. And so the tour is structured a little bit weird so that I'm out on the road for like 10 days and then I go to Australia for like a week and then I'm back over here for 10 days and then I go for a week and then...it's an odd way to tour but it was either that or not tour at all this year. And that was, that was...what I was weighing up. You know, quite honestly for a moment I thought maybe I shouldn't be touring this year, you know. But this seems like...it's hopefully a workable way to do it. It's an enormous amount of travel that I'm undertaking so, you know, it'll be what it's going to be."

This seems to be almost two different men. We get it Keith, you love your wife, but I don’t think it’s good business for you to act like you are doing the fans a favor by touring. Keith needs to remember that it’s the people buying the tickets that create the moments referred to in the first quote, without the fans there is no moment. It’s not good business to make people feel like you don’t need them when your shows are not sold out and the ticket brokers are selling some tickets to shows for less then face value.

I think Keith needs to take a step back and evaluate what he wants in his life. If he just wants to be at the side of his wife and be a good husband, that’s fine. If he doesn’t want to take the time to rehearse and make sure he gives the fans a great show, if he’s just going to phone in the 10 days of performances in order to get back to his wife in Australia, then he needs to cancel the tour and refund the public their money. It would be more ethical to return the public their money so they can buy tickets to concerts put on by performers who want and care about their careers.

Nicole Attending One of Keith's Concerts in Oz...

Part I of III... The Conversations Continued...

NK and Connor are led into the concert and seated prominently by the catwalk. NK smiles at all the fans, taking the opportunity to wave at them, while a few of the fans chant, “We love you, Nicole”…

NK: Conrad…sit down beside Mummy and look like you’re enjoying the show. Let’s show all your stepdad’s silly fans who really counts…not them! (giggles to herself)

Connor: I’m not really into country music.

NK: Keith is no longer a country music artist…I’ve told him to leave that behind him … he’s a rock star, Conroy.

Connor: His stuff sounds country to me. I’m more into rap.

NK: I like rap better too, Christopher, but your stepfather plays a different kind of music and according to the contract, I am supposed to help him in Australia…erhhh… I mean, the people of Australia enjoy this type of music. They are commoners, but still, we need to humor them, as they do buy tickets to Mummy’s movies, too.

Connor: OK..I’ll do my best. I am starting to like this Keith guy, you know.

NK: I don’t care if you like him or not, Carl. You just have to look like you do. You only have to see him twice a year, when I get you for the photo ops…erhh…I mean when I have the opportunity to spend some time with you. Hold Mummy’s hand.

Connor: (withdraws his hand from NK’s) I’m 12 years old, for goodness sake. I don’t feel like holding your hand.

NK: You will hold my hand, Craig. I am not going to tolerate insubordination from my adopted son. And, as far as liking your stepfather, it isn’t necessary. He’s an alcoholic you know, and an addict. I stuck with him because I’m very, very loyal and I needed to look good for the press, but I really wanted to kick his ass…oh…Mummy didn’t mean that. Anyway, Cassidy, you don’t have to like him.

Connor: No seriously. I kind of dig the dude. He’s pretty cool…he likes to talk with me and spend time with me. I went for a motorcycle ride with him this afternoon.

NK: Sshhhh….I am trying to hear what the photographers are saying, Calum. Please keep quiet. I really want them to take some pictures of us enjoying the concert. Smile for them, Cameron.

Connor: Sure…whatever. Do you even listen to anything I say?

NK: I am your Mummy. I am a very, very good Mummy…just ask my fans. They say I’m great. (NK puts one arm around her son, both of them looking uncomfortable like it is far from natural. NK removes her arm)

Connor: Well, Katie is very good to me and Bella. She takes us to movies and treats us to special lunches and parties with our friends.

NK: Calamity…I would have you come to visit me at my hotel room…erhhh…my home, more often, but I’m just very, very busy. Mummy doesn’t really have time for you…but it’s not that I don’t like you very, very much. And your stepfather, now that he’s off the sauce, is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

Connor: Right…whatever. I LIKE you too….

NK: What was that?

Connor…Nothing … nothing. Let’s just enjoy the concert.

NK … (smiling broadly and slipping in ear plugs, starts to move awkwardly to the music) … Now, Calamari, let me know if your step father starts to talk about me, so I can appear to be embarrassed and blush. I have been practicing blushing on demand. I’m getting pretty good at it.

Connor: (eyes rolling) OK...sure. I wanted to tell you that I’ve made arrangements to fly home tomorrow. Dad and Mum … uhmmm… I mean, Katie, are having a big pool party with Bella and all our friends. And I miss my little sister, Suri…she’s a lot of fun.

NK: Sounds fab, Caligula. You do whatever you want. Mummy needs to concentrate on the photographers so she can make sure that they get only the best pictures of her…showing her beautiful face and boyish figure. Please try not to bother me … here’s some cash…go buy yourself a soda, Conifer.

Connor: Sure…OK…you’re just the best Mother.

NK: Thank you, Collin. Now run along…I’ll meet you at the bus when the show is over.

The only thing green about Kidman and Keith is when her botox leaks...

Kudos to Keith Kidman on the recent news that the US leg of the tour is going to be using bio-diesel. Glad that he is doing so much for the environment. We don't hear too much about other country artists and their environmental bents so I do applaud him.

Smack... the sound of the other boot dropping... You know, I would feel a hell of a lot better if I thought it was done in sincerity. I don't think anything the Kidman’s do these days is sincere. Nicole has a history of feathering her own publicity nest while shining the light on several causes.

Let's start with Kidman and her love of a certain children’s hospital or even children in the hospital. Since I have been forced to deal with her PR since she invaded Keith Urban's world, I have noticed that Kidman very often only goes to a specific place, just to be seen. The PR is about Kidman talking to the poor ill children - nothing about the kids. Nothing about the work the hospital is doing. It’s about how Nicole swoops in and brings sunshine, butterflies and rainbows for the children's last precious moments on earth. And, that is what pisses me off. Marlo Thomas and John Goodman and many others talk about the work that St. Jude's is doing. Many celebrities get involved with the Children's Miracle Network and do we even have to talk about the good work Jerry Lewis has done for MD? What is Kidman really doing?

A good example is just before she married, she dragged her two children to a Sydney hospital to meet and greet the poor sick kids. I am sure that is the first thing those two kids wanted to do after a 17 hour plane trip but, by God, it was the royal week down under and Queenie needed to be among her subjects.

Let’s talk about the UN. At a time when her former husband was jumping on couches declaring his love for a younger woman, Kidman was courting the UN for a bigger role. She got that in 2005, when she was named a special ambassador. What has she done with that role? One dinner, one trip to Bosnia, a quick satellite speech and nothing else. Why did she court them so much? I am of the mind to think that she wanted to show her compassion like Julia, Audrey and Angelina. While what they did was selfless and often not even known, Kidman makes sure the tabloids get her mug spotted and that is the point. Her pouty, breathless voice and serious look can be used for good - she chooses it to be more famous.

Environmental? Thank God she hasn't jumped on that band wagon. But, I think she would be called out on that. Flying across the country in the private jet that her former husband gave her. Flying across to Oz to see her biggest purchase perform in concert. Well she does have money and that is what they do. Not really, most of the rich and famous live their lives without PR releases. Not Nicole. While she lied to the OZ press about this, we all know that she called the paps to get her picture in St. Bart's. That whole thing was a big PR stunt so that the cult of Nicole Kidman could be fed. See! I love him. See! he loves me. See! I eat. See! I can be sexy. See! he never took off his shirt in public until I married him. See! he branded himself with my name. See! I am beautiful and young and in love.

I sometimes wonder if she does this PR for her image or because she is a very sick woman who can't tell the truth from the lies. Nicole it’s obvious you need professional help.

You’re Keith Who?

Part three of the conversations overheard by the minions, minders, and such, on the set of Fugly in the Wind...

Keith is in the mess tent fetching the Queen of Oz her dinner. He starts to chat with the locals and loses track of time. His phone rings.

Keith, looking at his phone: "Uh oh...it's my beautiful beautiful princess. (gag) "Hello...baby...sorry...I forgot the time."

NK: "Get to the trailer NOW. I need to eat."

Keith: "Absolutely baby. I'm so sorry. You know that I worship the ground you walk on ... I just lost track of ...."

NK: “Shut up and get over here with my food. And don't mix up my order or you'll be sorry.”

Keith: "Right my love...now what did I write down...jeez, I've lost the piece of paper. What did you specifically forbid me to bring back?”

NK: “You figure it out, moron. But, be careful or you'll be sleeping on the couch again. No fun ‘n games for you.”

Keith: “Don't worry baby. I can remember what you said...there's some beautiful food here...you'll love it. We can have some dessert, too.”

NK: “I want a bottle of white wine with mine. You pick it out.”

Keith: “Well, OK. They always look at me funny when I bring wine...like they think I might be drinking again. Maybe you can do without the wine until we get home?”

NK: “I think I was clear that I want wine. Bring it.”

Keith: “Sure...baby, whatever you want. See you in a few minutes.” Keith gets off the phone and smiles at the mayor, apologizing for having to leave so quickly. He choses a spinach salad with a strawberry vinaigrette, a broiled chicken breast and some chocolate covered strawberries.

Mayor: “Well, it's a shame you can't join us, so we can get to know you Keith.”

Keith: “I would like to ... listen, I'll bring this back to my wife and if things go like I plan, I will try to get back to meet some people.”
On entering the trailer, Keith begins apologizing immediately.

NK: “Save it, cretin. Honestly...I send you out to get a simple dinner and you can't even get that right. You're an idiot. What did you bring me in the end?”

Keith: “Baby...it's a great spinach salad with a nice light salad dressing and a chicken breast. And for dessert, some special outback berries with chocolate on them.”

NK: “They look like strawberries. You know I could die from eating a strawberry. Just a small amount of strawberry can cause my throat to swell and close up.”

Keith: “Of course, I know that baby. But this salad is really light and these outback berries, although they look like strawberries are very different. I think you'll simply love them to death.”

NK: “OK...I'm starving. Pour me a glass of wine and I'll get started on my salad. If you wish, you may eat with me tonight.”

Shortly after eating her salad, NK's face is somewhat flushed.

NK: “Is is hot in here? I feel warm.”

Keith: “Yes, love...it's a bit stuffy. But maybe you're just a bit low on your blood sugar. Have an outback berry.”

NK: “Fine...pour me another glass of wine.”


NK pops a chocolate covered strawberry in her mouth, devouring it. She immediately flushes and her face starts to swell.

NK: “Oh...I think this is a strawberry...I think my throat is closing. Get my epi pen.”

Keith: "What was that my love? Oh...Nic you should get color in your face more often…it looks good on you." (NK's face is the color of the strawberries and swollen out of recognition)

NK: gasping...”You moron...those are strawberries. I'm having an allergic reaction here...get my epi pen.”

Keith: “What was that baby...you want more outback berries. Sure, I'll pop back and get some more. In the meantime, I'll pour you another glass of wine.”

Keith pours NK another glass of wine, pats her on her swollen distorted head and trots out of the trailer, heading to the mess tent. For the first time in a year, he is grinning ear to ear and the sparkle in his eye is unmistakable…