Monday, June 4, 2007

Nicole Attending One of Keith's Concerts in Oz...

Part I of III... The Conversations Continued...

NK and Connor are led into the concert and seated prominently by the catwalk. NK smiles at all the fans, taking the opportunity to wave at them, while a few of the fans chant, “We love you, Nicole”…

Conrad…sit down beside Mummy and look like you’re enjoying the show. Let’s show all your stepdad’s silly fans who really counts…not them! (giggles to herself)

I’m not really into country music.

Keith is no longer a country music artist…I’ve told him to leave that behind him … he’s a rock star, Conroy.

His stuff sounds country to me. I’m more into rap.

NK: I like rap better too, Christopher, but your stepfather plays a different kind of music and according to the contract, I am supposed to help him in Australia…erhhh… I mean, the people of Australia enjoy this type of music. They are commoners, but still, we need to humor them, as they do buy tickets to Mummy’s movies, too.

Connor: OK..I’ll do my best. I am starting to like this Keith guy, you know.

I don’t care if you like him or not, Carl. You just have to look like you do. You only have to see him twice a year, when I get you for the photo ops…erhh…I mean when I have the opportunity to spend some time with you. Hold Mummy’s hand.

(withdraws his hand from NK’s) I’m 12 years old, for goodness sake. I don’t feel like holding your hand.

You will hold my hand, Craig. I am not going to tolerate insubordination from my adopted son. And, as far as liking your stepfather, it isn’t necessary. He’s an alcoholic you know, and an addict. I stuck with him because I’m very, very loyal and I needed to look good for the press, but I really wanted to kick his ass…oh…Mummy didn’t mean that. Anyway, Cassidy, you don’t have to like him.

No seriously. I kind of dig the dude. He’s pretty cool…he likes to talk with me and spend time with me. I went for a motorcycle ride with him this afternoon.

Sshhhh….I am trying to hear what the photographers are saying, Calum. Please keep quiet. I really want them to take some pictures of us enjoying the concert. Smile for them, Cameron.

Sure…whatever. Do you even listen to anything I say?

NK: I am your Mummy. I am a very, very good Mummy…just ask my fans. They say I’m great. (NK puts one arm around her son, both of them looking uncomfortable like it is far from natural. NK removes her arm)

Well, Katie is very good to me and Bella. She takes us to movies and treats us to special lunches and parties with our friends.

Calamity…I would have you come to visit me at my hotel room…erhhh…my home, more often, but I’m just very, very busy. Mummy doesn’t really have time for you…but it’s not that I don’t like you very, very much. And your stepfather, now that he’s off the sauce, is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

Right…whatever. I LIKE you too….

What was that?

Nothing … nothing. Let’s just enjoy the concert.

NK … (smiling broadly and slipping in ear plugs, starts to move awkwardly to the music) … Now, Calamari, let me know if your step father starts to talk about me, so I can appear to be embarrassed and blush. I have been practicing blushing on demand. I’m getting pretty good at it.

(eyes rolling) OK...sure. I wanted to tell you that I’ve made arrangements to fly home tomorrow. Dad and Mum … uhmmm… I mean, Katie, are having a big pool party with Bella and all our friends. And I miss my little sister, Suri…she’s a lot of fun.

Sounds fab, Caligula. You do whatever you want. Mummy needs to concentrate on the photographers so she can make sure that they get only the best pictures of her…showing her beautiful face and boyish figure. Please try not to bother me … here’s some cash…go buy yourself a soda, Conifer.

Connor: Sure…OK…you’re just the best Mother.

NK: Thank you, Collin. Now run along…I’ll meet you at the bus when the show is over.


ShutUpAndSing said...

Oh I can just see her sitting there with that fake smile. Her hair pulled up in the fugly bun or better yet those pigtails with the flowers in them. lol

notachance said...

So, did this take place before Keith did away with her or after?

rememberwhen said...

It was after Keith tried to off her. Darn it she found that pen of hers!!!!!! Nicole forgave him. On to the next plot!!!!!!

smellycat said...

Calamari??? That is a freakin' hoot! Thanks for the much needed laugh today.

ugottabekiddin said...

This is very funny...and usually I don't find anything very amusing about this whole friggin' mess. And I also agree...Kidman found her epi pen (maybe Keith handed it to her just before he left her in her trailer cause his conscience got him) and she didn't die. Or maybe they were "outback berries" and she was having a psychological allergic reaction. Can't you see her having a melt down like that and being a major drama queen? I can. Maybe he just left because he was disgusted with her behavior.

Anyway, these conversation blogs are good. I think they're inventive and show a great sense of humor. Admit it...even NKU members could laugh at this one. Poor Calamari. Poor Caligula. LOL

NotBuyingItInNashville said...

The only person that has emasculated Keith is Keith - for letting himself get into this charade of a PR stunt that the Aussies like to call a marriage.