Sunday, June 17, 2007

Keith & Nicole on the Set of "Ugly in the Wind"

How Keith will be spending the upcoming week in Oz in preparation for the Queen's birthday and the first anniversary of the royal nuptials...

This conversation between NK and Keith was overheard on the set of "Ugly in the Wind"…filming in Bowen, Australia.

“Where’s my water? I’ve just had to perform for almost 30 minutes and I’m parched? Where’s my water?”

Keith (running frantically to NK’s chair in the shade): “Here baby…I’ve got your water.”NK: “Pay attention…I shouldn’t have to wait to get my thirst quenched. That was nearly 60 seconds.” (NK takes the bottle of special blend water and takes a long drink)

“I’m sorry baby…I know how fortunate I am to be with be able to carry your water and fetch things for you. You saved me, or so you’ve told me over and over.”

NK: (spitting the water out)
“What is the temperature of this water? I believe that I told you I wanted the water at precisely 4 degrees Celsius. This is at least 8 degrees…It’s putrid. I can’t stomach it.”

Keith: “I’m sorry … Nic…I’m so sorry. It was warm and the cooler wasn’t keeping the beverages cool…it’s so hot out here. I tried to get them to cool off in the fridge in your trailer…but it wasn’t in there long enough, I guess. Really…I tried to make sure it was the right temperature for you, my beautiful, beautiful princess.” (Gag)

NK: “Right…whatever. I’m perspiring heavily here. Obviously I need a botox injection…I shouldn’t be perspiring on my face. Call my doctor and tell him I need him immediately…it’s an emergency.” (Keith disappears into the trailer, returning about five minutes later)

“Bad news, baby. Your doctor is attending a serious car accident with multiple burn victims and will not be able to come for hours.”

“What??…and you explained that it was me…Nicole Kidman … requesting his presence? He knows that it’s ME who needs him?”

“I told his receptionist … she knew it was an emergency for you.”

NK: “This is unacceptable…simply unacceptable. Does he expect me to suffer the indignity of perspiration in front of the regular people here?”

“It’s hot baby, everyone is sweating. No one will think anything of it.”

"I do NOT sweat. I will NOT sweat. Keith…look over there.”

“Where…what are you looking at, my pet?”

“Over there, on the street. Is that someone LOOKING at me? Seriously…is one of the townspeople looking at me? I can’t believe the audacity. She looks like she is just a housewife.”

“I think she is just out for a stroll with her kids, Nic. I think she just happened to look in this direction…I don’t think she is looking at you, in particular.”

“Are you implying that she doesn’t want to look at me. Of course she does. Everyone wants to look at me…and I’m having none of it. Call the mayor and tell him to put out a decree that NO ONE SHALL GAZE UPON MY PERSON DIRECTLY except the leads in this movie and of course, Baz.”

“Sure, baby. I’ll pop over right after your break and discuss it with him. I’m sure that we can come to some conclusion.”

“Good…oh...she’s looking at us. She’s looking at us again. Give me a kiss and hold my hand. Get with it…hold my hand NOW. Make sure it looks like we love each other.”

Keith: “Sure, baby.” (as he reaches for NK’s rough red hand).

“What…what are you whining about?”

Keith: “Nothing, gorgeous. Just your hands are a bit rough.” (Keith wipes the blood off the abrasions on his fingers where it had been in contact with NK’s hands)
“No major harm done…should heal in time for my next shows in the US.”

“Like that is so important. Stop harping about you and your tour. I’m perspiring here in the heat and can’t get medical attention. I am subject to common people gawking at me. I am parched and can’t get a simple drink of water. And you are worried about your stupid fingers. Shut up and get me some water…COOL water…make it snappy.”

Keith: “
Yes baby…you’re right. Forgive me, precious…I am so grateful to you for saving my life. Hang on and I’ll get your water and an ice cream cone.”

NK: “That’s more like it…and make it snappy.”


urkiddin said...

LOL. Sadly, I can actually hear this conversation happening! Are you on site with "Ugly in the Wind"??? Well done.

yawn said...

In a quiet room somewhere in North America a woman sits writing. Surrounded by pictures of her former love ... she is abandoned and alone. She knows he loved her before, he was to be all hers, she knew it - he looked at her in the audience that one time, she knew he could feel her eyes loving him.

Now he’s left her, to marry, to put his needs first, he has a life outside his career and his fans. How dare he she thinks; how dare he forget the fans who made him what he is today. He will pay for this betrayal!!

She grabs her doll, the one with the blond hair, the one with the blue eyes like his. She shakes it yelling "What about me Keith? What about your fans? We are supposed to be all you needed ... that is the way it was planned; how could you betray us?!"

She can feel the anger building again for that other woman. The woman who stole him from the people he called his family. First there was that model who threatened to take him away … but at the last minute he came back to his fans. Oh why can’t he back on the booze! He was better on stage then, he was organic, he was insecure and needed his fans; he needed only them to survive. He was the artist she loved so much back then ….. She takes her anger out on the keyboard, pounding out her thoughts and crafting the next blog story. Lost in the hate, lost in the voices in her head … the sharp knock at the door startles her …..

"Time for dinner!"

The key is in the lock, the door opens - hands pull her away from the computer keyboard. "Come on now, time for dinner and your medication".

The patient is pushed out into the main room, into the light. She asks the same questions again “Is he here?” Is Keith here for our date?!” she begs.

The attendant just shakes her head. “Come along now … the medication will make you feel much better soon”.

skepticRN said...

Wow, I wonder how long it took YAWn to write that little ditty....

maclen said...

yeah, cute little story, a little effort put into it...But what I'm wondering is will "Yawn" ever comment here again, or will she just be another one of those annoying "drive by commenters", you know, come in take a shot and never have the nerve to comment again. Just as so many commenters did often, it seems, when they could do it annonimously, but just the simple fact they had to make up a username somehow scared them all away.

skepticRN said...

I believe that YAWN is another DRIVE BY or HIT AND RUN poster who will disappear as fast as the lines on BOTOXIA's freaky face....

ugottabkiddin said...

I think that YAWN wrote an autobiography. Poor Yawn.

I kind of like the story.

defiant said...

Wow, life must be so bad for you to be so hung up to spend that much time on someone who will not even look at you once. I guess this is a good time to spend your time, it isn't as if you are contributing anything to life, is it?

Keep it up, before you know it. A whole day will be gone then a month then a year then ten years and in the end, you would have wasted your life on this bitterness for someone who doesn't know you exist.

Sad for you but a great life for them because while you are doing this the Urbans are getting on with their lives earning more money than Lord knows, having adventures.

Good luck because you will need it.

Nicole Kidman, wife of Keith Urban, the woman he continues to acknowledge, sing to and dedicate a song to at each concert, the woman with that wonderful ring on her finger, the one who has her name on his arm and wrist, Kidman, worth over $100m before the age of 40, earned over $60m between 2002 and 2006, the face of the iconic Chanel, recipient of the Order of Australia, UNIFEM/UNICEF ambassador, Breast and Ovarian cancer activist, co-chair UCLA Breast Cancer Research study, Over 70 award nominations including wins. Acquitances: Rupert Murdoch, Philip Roth, David Hare, Partrick Marber, Jane Campion since she was 14, etc, I could go on but I doubt your brain would be able to take it but if this blog is what helps you go through the day then please keep up the good work. The Urbans need the publicity and it is good to know that they've both gotten so under your skin and you can't do anything about it except this. I just hope that your family are proud of your trial at fan-fiction but are able to show concern that you might need help.

To paraphrase one of Kidman's favourite quotes, this from Henry James' Portrait of a Lady: "Isobel, however much you've been hated, you've also been loved". And Kidman is loved by the wonderful Mr. Urban.

notachance said...

Bravo to Yawn!!! Seems we have the alter-ego to Urban Myths, not to mention I think she nailed who Urban Myths really is.

And to all those others that you are calling "drive bys" and "hit & run" posters - maybe they were just tired of the same ole', same ole' around here. Sometimes there's just nothing left to say and they stopped posting. Shit, even the UM regulars stopped posting. maclen seems to be one of the only ones that likes to spew venom anymore....

Whitetrashcheeto said...

I LOVE YOU YAWN! That was by far the best blog comment I've seen - EVER!!

Unfortunately, you probably won't get much credit for your brillance because most of these psycho skeptics are on the same medication! LOL

NotBuyingItInNashville said...

The only thing that Keith Kidman loves about Nicole is her money that she got from Tom Cruise.

He is all about status and fame.

I bet when he cheated on Niki Taylor at her Governor's Club house, he told the poor skanks that he was bedding that it was HIS place.

smellycat said...

Bravo, Yawn! You wrote your own autobiography, clever girl!

maclen said...

NotBuyingItInNashville said...
"The only thing that Keith Kidman loves about Nicole is her money that she got from Tom Cruise.
He is all about status and fame."

Youve got something there Nashville, its all about the magazine covers,the photo ops. and the red carpet brown-nosers... I imagine like the commenters here who it seems feel we should bow down to their majestic idols, and humble ourselves and kiss the feet of "they", "who will not even look at you once." As it seems they have happily relinquished their free will to the likes of Us weekly and people magazine, who tell them they too can buy a really cool purse, just like paris and nicole and lindsey...(only in that, those "upcoming starlets" mainly use them to puke in after endless nights of clubbing) Since it would be so pathetic to comment on this blog...because "I guess this is a good time to spend your time, it isn't as if you are contributing anything to life, is it?" it?

notachance said...

"maclen said:

Youve got something there Nashville, its all about the magazine covers,the photo ops. and the red carpet brown-nosers..."

Sorry, but if Keith were really about all those things he would happily show up at EVERY red carpet affair and throw his "status & fame" in everyone's face just to get more photo ops & magazine covers.

No, that's an NK thing and Keith does shun the limelight. So be it.

skepticRN said...

Does he shun the limelight....or is he not allowed to be in it because Nicole can't share it?

maclen said...

skepticRN said...
"Does he shun the limelight....or is he not allowed to be in it because Nicole can't share it?"

My thoughts exactly, as it is very clear that it is she who controls the publicity of this "hollywood marriage"...just as it is apparent that she would prefer to keep the red carpet glare to herself, and simply have urban slip in the back doors and keep her chair warm. Urban is in the precise condition to be easily manipulated, and in the exact frame of mind of guilt and co-dependancy to succumb to the illusion and allure of a hollywood happy ending.

T said...

yawn - that was pretty funny, but I don't think all the posters are nuts - just a few

defiant - how much time have you wasted defending someone who'll probably never look your way? Sad for you - the Urbans are out living the good life while you troll boards defending their good name. Hope someone's paying you to waste your life a way.

notachance said...

"t" - you certainly missed "defiant's" point. Nowhere in her post did I find her even wanting a look from the man. She wrote a very eloquent post, was not hurtful and was very supportive of someone she has chosen to embrace. You turning it around into a hateful thing just shows exactly what she was attempting to get across.

T said...

notachance - did I hit a nerve? I got defiant's point. I don't think you got mine or did you? Happy trolling :)

maclen said...

t, thats concern trolling...

Whitetrashcheeto said...

Please....the only hateful people on this blog are the ones who can't except someone else's post or opinion. Let me guess...most of you are "the glass is half empty"? Just your negative tones are reason to be tense.

notachance said...

Sorry "t" for trolling.....

no nerve hit here, was just commenting.

banbotox said...

WOW yawn. Creative comment-maybe you need your own blog site. You should consider writing short stories on the side.

maclen said...

It is looking like we will not hear again from yawn...unless she's working on another short story to post, that is. Yes, nice execution, but I can do without the hilariously asinine, "your just jealous... you are all losers for posting... all your hate, althought they are too important to even notice, only feeds into their happiness... you will never live as fulfilling a life as they" message yawn and others try to convey. That is what I find tiresome.

banbotox said...

SO TRUE maclen!
I completely agree. I'm sick of hearing how jealous I am and how I secretly long for Keith to love me. PLEASE Already!!!
I really mean it. Yawn needs to start his/her own blog---a place where they can yap on and on about what jealous losers we all are.

banbotox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShutUpAndSing said...

I don't feel the poster is wasting her life..she made me laugh and if you can make someone else laugh you efforts aren't wasted.

And we shall see how has the last laugh when it comes to who believes in the "marriage"