Thursday, June 21, 2007

Keith and Nicole Visit a Local Fish & Chip Shop in Bowen

Keith and NK enter a small restaurant in Bowen, which specializes in fish n chips. NK has insisted that they make an appearance of “mingling” with the locals.

NK:
“You will order for me, won’t you? I have no idea what to order in a place like this. It smells”.

Keith:
“It’s just fish, baby. The fish is great here. I’ll order for you. Do you want something to drink?”

NK:
“Can I get a nice Chablis or perhaps a fruity Reisling?”

Keith:
“This place isn’t licensed to sell alcohol, sweetheart. But they have soda pop, juices, coffee, tea…that sort of thing.”

NK:
“No wine? What kind of establishment have you brought me into? This is ludicrous. I will not eat a meal without an appropriate wine….surely you don’t expect me to.”

Keith:
“You wanted to go to a regular restaurant in Bowen and show the locals that you’re down to earth. This is the place, my pet.”

NK:
“Oh, Lord. The sacrifices I make to try to prove how normal I am. This damn movie is going to be the end of me. OK...is that person over there looking at me?”

Keith:
“Who…who are you talking about baby?”

NK:
“Over there…there’s a young sort of scruffy looking female who has actually looked at me…for quite a while. Oh…God…she’s coming over here. Don’t tell me she is going to talk to us. Surely she isn’t so forward as to think she should be entitled to speak to us.”

Keith: “She’s the waitress, Nic. It’s her job.”

NK:
“Well, she’d better not LOOK at me. If she makes eye contact, I will report her to Baz. He’ll have her removed.”

Keith: “She’s just a normal girl doing her job. If she looks at you, it doesn’t mean anything. She’s just going to be friendly and take our order.”

NK: “Well, if she thinks it’s OK to look directly at me…to actually LOOK at me, I will be offended. I will report her to Baz.”

Keith:
“I don’t think Baz has any authority here…just relax baby. We’ll get our food and head back to the trailer so you don’t have to suffer with the regular people looking at you.”

NK: “Ok…but I believe Baz has bought Bowen for me, and so surely he could put out a commandment that no one can actually look at me…and especially not make eye contact. I think that’s only fair. Why should I have to suffer the indignity of having common people look directly at me? It’s ridiculous.”

Keith: “OK…just stay calm and we can get out of here shortly.” (Keith places order with the waitress, who smiles at him and NK, welcoming them to the restaurant. Keith smiles back and thanks her
)

NK: “Can you believe that? She had the nerve to speak to me…to actually look at me. I can’t believe that.” (NK pulls her cell phone out of the bag that Keith is carrying for her, and dials frantically)
“Baz…Baz…it’s Nic…I have just had the most offensive and horrid experience in my life. A waitress…a common waitress actually spoke to me. I am so distressed, I may not be able to work for the next few days. Truly…I am shaking.”

Keith:
“Relax baby…she’s just trying to be friendly.”

NK: “
You relax...never, NEVER speak to me like that. Remember that I … I saved you. You would be NOTHING now if it wasn’t for me. I have just been spoken to by a waitress. Who does she think she is to actually speak to me, let alone look in my direction? I’ll have her job.”

Keith:
“Nic…baby…I know you saved me. You’ve told me over and over. Be calm baby…our food is coming right away. Let’s not make a scene and head back to the trailer. We can eat there and no one can look at you. I won’t even look at you.”

NK: “
OK…fetch me some water and an ice cream and I’ll let it go. But you will have to buy me more presents than usual this week now that I’ve done this for you.”

Keith:
“Yes baby…my beautiful, beautiful princess. I’ll get you a rose for every blood vessel you’ve burst in your temple over this. I’ll buy you a first edition book to calm the bulging veins in your neck. I’ll buy you a new ring…a huge canary diamond… to help sooth your frazzled nerves. I know how traumatic this has been for you, my pet, but in time, you’ll get used to seeing regular people and even having to talk to them sometimes. It’s only for a few months and then, we’ll get out of this dust bowl back to LA and the good life.”

NK: “
Yes…you’re right. Now…carry my bag and kneel down and tie my shoes. The lace is undone.”

Keith: “Absolutely, darling.” (Keith kneels in front of NK, tying her shoe)
“Anything you say. And our food is ready. Let’s get out of here back to the trailer and I’ll open the wine for you.”

NK: “Good. I can hardly breathe in this stink hole. And if you think you’re getting a sip of my wine, you’re wrong. You can drink water. I’ll drink the wine. I couldn’t do without wine with my food, but you are a drunk, so there’ll be no wine for you. Now…carry my large white purse, my jacket, my sun screen, my cell phone, the food and be careful with it.”

Keith: “Absolutely baby. I’m so grateful that you let me carry your things. I am so grateful for everything. I’m just plain blessed. You’re fantastic.”

6 comments:

maclen said...

NK: OK...is that person over there looking at me?”

The more I read those lines, the funnier i find them! Kind of reminds me of Deniro in Taxi Driver, as he's looking in the mirror, "Are you looking at me? You must be looking at me cause there's noboby else here."

Urban had it scheduled to be off his tour for the big day, but news reports have him "surprising" her for her birthday... and another gossip story has him blowing off the tour just to be with his "beloved." Their reporting on this so called couple is about as accurate as the consistancy of the Kidban pr teams attempted show that everything is just marvelous and going swimmingly. I bet kidman even feigned surprise herself that he had showed... just as it was obviously planned.

notachance said...

Not quite as funny as they were, maybe because now you are belittling Keith and I find that distasteful. It was one thing when she couldn't remember the name of her kid, but emasculating her husband - the man whose music you claim to enjoy and pay money to see, is quite another.

Let's try a different set of dialogue on the next go round.

Urban Myths said...

Let's try a different set of dialogue on the next go round.

Perhaps you should start your own blog since this one isn't to your liking?

The conversations are intended to illustrate the person that Nicole appears to be, and how very hard it must be for Keith to married to her... put yourself in his shoes...

maclen said...

Urban Myths, commenters like this as I've mentioned before, dont start their own blogs. They seem to have some need to try and ingratiate themselves to other peoples blogs, with their contrarian views, and try to dictate the message. It's seems its easier to let someone else do the work, and then want to take over the wheel and steer the blog. Blogs are mainly for, if you take a look all over the blogoshere, people who want to connect with other like-minded people with similar views, yes, maybe even a global community. Look at the polical blogs, entertainment fansites, yet I dont think these commenters will take your polite advice, seeing as they seem to believe that it is they, and they alone who can give what they think you need... they seem to think it's called "the truth", I just call it annoying.

notachance said...

I thought the purpose of this little box here called "Leave your comment" was just that. I didn't know I had to tow the party line....

And as for the blogosphere in general, not everyone who comments on other blogs agrees with the writer. I've been on many with dissenting opinions.

Agree to disagree - oh, I forgot, UM doesn't want that type of discussion, might poke a hole in her theories. At least I'm willing to admit when I've made a mistake or am unsure - I've yet to see anything like that from UM & the hardliners.

cricket said...

Very funny.As I read this I can just picture her sitting there with her frozen face and her nose stuck in the air.Most likley wearing something beige and her hair looking like a well used mop.Yes indeed she's a rare beauty.