Celebrity Predictions 2008

Aged movie star Nicole Kidman has certainly hogged the spotlight lately. It seems that the American public will be inundated with details of her pregnancy whether they want them or not. Maybe the American public is more concerned with gasoline prices and the flooding in the Midwest than by her fairy-tale second marriage to a troubled country crooner? Well it seems that any day now the birth will occur and from the psychic tea leaves perspective it will be a baby. But what do the leaves have in store for the Mrs.?

First of all, don’t expect her to do slow down much for the rest of the year since, incredibly, all of her tea leaves are pointing toward downtown Hollywood. In fact, she will sign on for another 10 movies over the next two years since the Yi Shou Yan Nian appears in yellow on her 3rd house in Nashville. Our hard working little mommy will not pull the Julia Roberts disappearing act, no way! In fact any humanitarian efforts will be permanently sent to the back burner for our Nic. Let’s face it, she loves the spotlight and will gladly take her time in that instead of enjoying being a wife and mother.

The good roles for women will be completely out of her reach but that won’t stop Nicole from taking on any role she can buy or steal. Nicole will never move behind the camera unless she can write, produce, direct and star, because unlike the love of her life, she has so much more to prove.

As for her current husband, Keith will be resentful, watching the balance of his career drift away according to the full leaves of Qi Men Mao Feng. However, there is promise of a rebound for the Mr. if the Bi Tan Piao Xue remains strong in the lower hemisphere or at least for the first flush.

Posted by Xu Fu Dragon Bud

What's the deal with Nashville?

Pretty simple question isn't it? But why are the Kidman’s having the little one in Nashville? It makes one wonder what the motivation is behind that.Every move is calculated in this arrangement. Whether it is bringing a salad to a DJ or calling in to a radio interview, to being seen at a local market. The Kidman’s are Nashville. Don't forget that.

As far as the birth is concerned, there seems to be two theories going on here. They are hunkering down in Music City because Keith's career is still in free fall and he has to get it back in shape. This theory has some strength to it. Keith is not where he was in 2007 or 2006 or especially in 2005. The new rehashed single is doing okay but a song about hooking up and post rapture musings isn't something that some in Country Radio will play. Also Keith has yet again screwed up the marketing on this single. Where is the video? Where is the promised DVD? We are going to wait until fall? Why not produce a video now to get the consumer ready for the DVD? Also, doing all the radio he has been doing locally is just plain weird. He isn't even the headliner on July 5th. It is Chesney's show; he is just an opening act. So why did he do all the radio? Perhaps it’s more about the royal birth than about anything else?

Which leads to our second theory...Nashville is a small town. I lived there I know. It isn't L.A. or Sydney. It's a company town and while the music industry is important, it’s not the film industry and Hollyweird. Seems that the media may be able to be controlled a lot better from Nashville than from L.A., where the birth of the baby will be a journalist’s dream. Sydney is even worse considering the frenzy that took place when the news was announced in January about the pregnancy. So keep the birth in Nashville and control how it is reported. Why would Kidman want that? C'mon you don't need me to tell you that do you?

So the baby is born, Perez will get some kind of scoop and People will get the exclusive. They are already writing little blurbs about the power couple. Did you really care that the Kidman’s had a scone on June 25th? But Nicole wants you to know that. She also seems quite worried that we aren't getting that they are quite happily married. Keith's wife also wants you to know they are real folks. Perhaps in a freak show, but they are far from being just folks; they are however, just fakes.

Nicole's Hemorrhoid Agony

GOATHERDER'S GAZETTE

by: Heidi Kramer

June 25, 2008

According to close personal friends, Nicole is suffering from agonizing hemorrhoids. In spite of Keith applying Preparation H every two hours, she cannot bear the thought of another day with these painful afflictions.

Keith has been overheard telling his good friend Kenny Chesney "Holy Freaking Hell, she's a miserable b*tch when her ass is sore."

But it doesn't stop the loved up couple going to Starbucks for their early morning coffee stop and then, working out at the gym.

Close friends reveal that Nicole is determined to not let her painful piles keep her from her routine activities...and Keith is committed to applying the anal cream every two hours, night and day.

"It's his lifeline right now. Every time he puts on the ointment, he knows he can have at least 30 minutes to himself, before Nicole starts complaining about something. And Keith is a trouper. He just puts on the gloves and gets at it, when she complains about the anal discomfort. I've only seen him retching and vomiting four or five times so far."

Nicole of the Earth?

She may indeed be needled, scraped, photoshopped and surgically enhanced, but in an interview she is still dumb as a stick. Vogue magazine has Kidman on the cover in July and while much is being made of her comments about the typical sitting pattern of pregnant women and please touch my bump, we should take note of a couple of interesting things in the interview.

Nicole seems to want everyone to know how nested and peaceful she is in Tennessee. She also has been observing the local wildlife, deer and turkeys (at the Clampett mansion?), yoga instructors and the pimply guy who helps her at the coffee shop. Yes, Nicole wants you to know she is ‘of the people’. Good thing she is, as the miracle that is within is set to hatch any day now.

About the impending crowning, Nicole is so overwhelmed by what is happening within that she cried at an ultrasound. Do you think she told Keith about that as he seemed pretty sketchy about what an actual ultrasound is when he was interviewed recently? She now feels complete as a woman since this great thing she has happened inside. That of course flies in the face of the feminist teaching she learned from her mother, but it does impress those folks that she wants to think she is just plain folks. She is mother earth, unlike someone else that had a baby around two years ago who had the baby under very controlled circumstances. But I digress, Kidman suffers for her work and for her baby, and isn't she a saint?

Well, no! And here is why: "I don't have addiction problems, but love is a very powerful force in my life. It's my fatal flaw and my virtue." Does she sound stupid here? Does she sound a bit condescending to her husband? Or is the most calculating person on planet earth laying some seeds to sow down the line? I would be totally insulted if I were Keith Urban. Addiction isn't a "problem"; it’s a state of life; something that you have to live with each second of each day. Keith has even admitted he has to keep watch on this or it can get out of control. For Nicole to even equate her sad and backwards idealized thought of what love is and can be to a "problem" of addiction shows that she has no understanding of her husband at all. The article described the marriage as committed, but it seems that there are two people who said ‘WTF’ and are married. You can nest all you want Nicole, but you have a pretty complex and interesting husband; attention should be paid because after awhile even your fantasy of love and marriage will not sustain something that isn't solid. Instead of vegetables perhaps the garden that needs to be tended is that one of your marriage; no matter how wonderful the birth and having a little one around will be (which she didn't even talk about), her marriage seems to be something that is getting short shift. Or perhaps all of the nesting talk of gardens and living in the country is just setting up something to blame when everything eventually will end?

Today's Mail....

A Birthday Poem

It's 41 candles for the age fearing queen
and while its your birthday, I am going to be mean
you have bleached and stretched and botoxed any sign of your true age
the bitch about fame is that it never really pays

Dear Nicole, supposedly with child
she probably won't spend today getting wild
she has everything she wants, what more could she wish for
her life might actually be quite a bit of a bore

Force your husband to be at your call
what else would he do, he wants to avoid a brawl
and as for the child that is currently within
it, too, will become a prop just like your other kin
we hope for her sake you won't become obsessed
with photo ops and interviews , exclusive pictures and all the rest

So there are 41 candles on your birthday cake
enjoy it all now, for we all know you are a fake.

Who Won?

In case you didn't know, Urban vs. Urban was quietly settled in a court in Tennessee in mid-April. As of this writing the painter still has his web site and the singer doesn't have the .com after his name. So what was the purpose in this?

First, it produced a lot of headlines for both parties. The singer wanted to flex his muscle and use his "growing" fame to garner the corner on all things Keith Urban. The painter had more hits to his web site. More importantly for the painter, it got him a healthy heaping helping of public sympathy. Something that was probably very unexpected for the singer.

Second, this showed how using legal means to get ones point across does nothing more than cause bad feelings and wastes the court’s time. How much did both parties spend to settle without it going to court?

Third, we don't own our names. We shouldn't be so full of ourselves that we assume that no one else could be creative or want to use their name to foster their own career.

Keith Urban looked petty and vain in even attempting to do this. Sure the painter may have misled people to his site but it’s up to the people to decide if it’s that Keith Urban or the other one. I hope they both wised up, but given who the singer is married to, it probably won't be the last time we see his name in court. Come to think of it Urban vs. Kidman has a nice sound to it.

Shout Out to Lainey and Ted Casablanca...

Enough said....UM thanks you both...

From Ted's Awful Truth today...

Punchgate

Everyone else might be keeping their attention on Nicole Kidman's barely there bump, but we’re also concerned with a more damning, just as suspicious matter. The fact that N.K. still hasn’t owned up to her involvement in that unforgivable (and as yet, still unexcused) bodyguard attack from March. We can’t believe the whole mess has vanished into thin air, just the way Kidman & Co. want it to, right? Another just as curious disappearing act is the photog agency itself, Flynet, which posted the disturbing body-goon bash vid. The Flynet photo guys were prolly thinking the whole sad sitch was a blessing in disguise, since nothing gets your name more press than having an A-List actress involved in a brutal beatdown. But flynetonline.com hasn’t posted a damn thing, pics or otherwise, on its blog since May 9.

'Course, the agency is still selling photos to other websites, including a recent one of Miss Kiddy and Keith Urban leaving a Nashville Starbucks, but its own HQ seems left for dead. What gives, babes? Did you get some superunder-the-table payday from Nicky to shut your mouths and say buh-bye to your site? Wouldn’t be surprised if Kid-hon's picked up a few tricks from her marriage to Tom.

And from Lainey:

Granny Freeze in Vogue

Gran on the cover and the in the pages of Vogue, shot before she started showing, not that she’s showing much now. You’ll recall, she announced her pregnancy 30 seconds after Keith Urban fertilised her botoxed eggs. A brave move for someone who’s suffered so many miscarriages. But as they say in the article, Nicole Kidman is fearless.

So here she is, looking not human at all, the airbrushes at Vogue and the dexterity of her surgeon joining forces for the most plastic photo spread, like, ever.

Hundred bucks to the first reader who can spot a wrinkle. On HER. Not on Hugh Jackman.

I win. See?

My favourite part of the article? When she’s asked about all the rumours that there’s a prosthetic:

Casually dressed in a tight black pullover and jeans—punctuated by the trademark red soles of her black Louboutin heels—Kidman remains strikingly thin for a woman seven months pregnant. So thin, in fact, that I've heard people say they don't believe she's actually with child. When I mention this, she gives the laugh of one who's learned not to be fazed by all the silly things people think.

"Just look at how I'm sitting here with my legs apart"—her knees splay out at a 45-degree angle. "This is the way you have to sit when you're pregnant."

And aren’t you an Oscar winning actor?

Just asking…Click here for more photos and to read the full article. Let me know if you spot that wrinkle.

Why is everyone so worried about Keith Urban becoming a father?

They should be more worried about Nicole...

It's interesting in a way how the PR machine is working overtime - all worried about Keith Urban and his impending fatherhood. Okay, so the man doesn't know the name for that jumpsuit thing nor does he understand what an ultrasound is or what it means. He has even been a bit on the blank side when speaking about the spawning of the child inside. But make no mistake, once the child that is perceived to be his comes into this world, he will be a great companion. If you have ever seen him with a child you know he understands them. He gets them. I once was standing in a line to meet him and there was a little girl of about seven or eight ahead of me. Now there had been a lot of people in this line, and Keith was signing autographs and talking and really communicating with every person who came to meet him. Finally, this little girl got up there and she got the worse case of shyness, but Keith came from behind the table where he was sitting and asked the girl to sit on top of the table and he proceeded to talk to her at eye level. Before too long they were like old friends. Yeah, we of the jaded eye might see that and say ‘well he is playing a game or acting a part’, but having seen that first hand, it showed me that the man at that time understood that a little girl was overwhelmed meeting her favorite singer. I give Keith some credit for understanding people; for seeing things in them that he can relate to. Of course you may be thinking we are softening here at Urban Myths. No. I think Keith is just as calculating as anyone about his career, but I also think there is a human in there and that human understands others - especially children. I don't think anyone should worry about him being a father.

As for Kidman, look at her relationship with Connor and Bella. Does she even have one? Look also at her relationship with her own parents. You rarely see them together. No lunches with Mum. No Daddy showing up on the set. The only time this happened was during the filming of Fur where it was rumored she had just broken up with Lenny. Her parents aren't a factor in her life. That is sad. When you are in the spotlight there is a need to have a strong family bond off the set and beyond the stage. Kidman really doesn't have that. She never has, because her one true love was often making his own movies or being with his children or mother and sisters. Kidman apparently has a close bond with her sister but did not share the emotion that her sister did during their father’s recent surgery. Kidman was at a hockey game or an awards show or painting the sky with her humanitarian causes for the UN. The fact was, she wasn't with her father. Has she even seen him since the surgery? She has the money and the success that she never has to work again if she chooses. She chooses to work and that’s fine; many people do. However, this child isn't a prop, nor is it something to use to fulfill some need inside her that is missing. It is a little human who will need her Mum and Pop. Pop seems to understand that it is important to take time out to play peek-a-boo at a coffee shop. Mum needs to learn that the baby will have its own agenda and it will have nothing to do with a photo op in US magazine. But Mum is emotionally backward, so maybe our expectations are too high. Best of luck, Baby Urban! You are going to need it.

She thinks you think this, so she'll say this to get you to think like that...

That utterly stupid woman is totally pregnant. We know this but hasn't it been fun to think she isn't? Actually you had to think that, and that’s the point with Nicole Kidman. You had to wonder “is she or isn't she”? You had to question the size of the bump. You wanted to see if she was getting bigger. Yes, dear reader, and you know what? Kidman wanted you to do that.

The fame addicted woman wanted to the world to guess about her baby because then people would be talking about her. She is keeping the sex of the baby and the due date a secret. Why? So we will talk and debate and discuss.

She loves that I am writing this blog about her. She loves that there has been a debate about the child within. We are interested. But you see, dear Nicole, we aren't the world. For the most part when you and Keith divorce, no one will bother with you anymore. Many have already left. Doing stupid stuff like going to a gym when you have a perfectly good one in the new home, wearing winter workout wear when it is in the 90's in Nashville, and even being in Nashville when everyone was told the child within was going to be spawned in Australia, kept us guessing.

The problem is the audience with this whole charade is dwindling, and it really isn't about her that we are interested. Much like her career, few people care about Nicole Kidman, even most of us.

So why am I writing this? Because, in this writer’s opinion, the woman is a liar and a fraud and that must be called out. Is she brilliant enough to keep the whole “is it a surrogate or isn't it?” argument going just to keep the talk about her alive? That would indicate she may be quite unstable. Okay, I can live with that…too bad Keith does, too. But that would be so far out! Almost like buying your own engagement ring and publicity about your personal life… whoops, guess she is capable of it!!!One more note…here is a prediction - when “the child within” is ready to spawn - Perez Hilton will have the first contraction rumor.

Something Smells Stinky and It Ain't Baby Poo

Too many pictures in too short of a time. Something just seems off with this current crop of photos. Maybe it’s Mr. Urban looking so angry on Sunday? Maybe it’s Kidman and the various sizes of the bump. Maybe it was a mention of Keith's parents? Or a mention of the hospital?

A picture of a trip to the mall, yet no pictures of trip to the movies or to the sushi place? We hear they are often at both places. So, why the “together” pictures? Are they going to be leaving Nashville soon, and want to have some photo ops for old time’s sake? Is the child within going to be birthed there? It’s all making for a very questionable time for those that may have questions.

Or is all of this a feeble attempt by Kidman to remind people she is still pregnant? It is still a miracle and she is still married to Keith. Can't wait for the Vogue interview. She will be 41 in a few days, too, and doesn't she look older? There is no glow at all; only a faux serenity. I bet she is cranky! Poor Keith, I bet you had better things to do this weekend than hold her purse and remind people your spunk is the cause of all of this. Well, I just wish it was over already.

A Kiss is Just a Kiss, a Sigh is Just a Sigh, the Fundamental Things Apply.... When You Want to Lie!

If we ever had any doubts that the Kidmans are in love and so happy to be together we have great evidence from this past Thursday. Isn't it romantic - a guy a girl, the girl is pregnant; the guy’s lawyer is there. What more can you say? Two words come to my head, photo op. Nothing more than that, but why? Could it be because Keith had two events related to his career and they didn't involve Kidman? Was it because at both events his former tour "mate" was there? Was it because Kidman hasn't been in the tabs for a couple of weeks or was it because another love child story has hit the Australian press? We know it’s not because they were parting from each other and were going to miss each other. I just bet they were so happy to be apart they kissed out of gratitude

Whatever. I am sorry, but if that kiss was to show off the great passion between Kidman and Keith, they dropped a very large ball. They are awkward with one another, not comfortable at all and the full on pose is right off the publicity shots for Australia, even the arm movements are the same. Well Hugh doesn't have to hold the enormous bag that holds Keith's balls like Keith does.

Another question that comes up is why is Ansel Davis was there at the OB appointment? If he was traveling with Keith, why not meet up at the airport? Nope, Ansel Davis is the keeper of all the answers. I am more and more convinced of this. He knows Keith well, is like a second father to him. He is with him a lot, is even in some of the informal shots of Keith with the Nashville party girl. So yes, he has the answers and keeps the questions down and is probably rewarded handsomely by both Mr. and Mrs. Kidman for it. So why is he at the doctor’s office?

As for the love child, we have discussed that. But why raise it now so close to the fetus’ appearance? Why put these rotten nasty tales about Keith out there again? Remember, as one of our many commenter's noted, Keith is still nothing in Australia beyond being the daddy sperm and Nicole's future heart breaker. He never made it over there even though he tried so hard.

Perhaps that is why the "child inside" will be born in the United States? Perhaps that is why that story is big over there, and not at all know about it over here. Keith Urban still has his own brand name here. Perhaps that is why he was kissing her so passionately in the parking lot, if you can call it that?

So we have a kiss. We have Kidman still in Nashville and we have Keith trying to remind everyone he is something a little more than her husband and the sperm donor. Good luck with that Keith!

It's Keith's fault that he is where he is

Before we even start debating that point, I will say this and be quite clear about it. We wouldn't be here writing this, there would be no such thing as skeptics, had Nicole Kidman not pursued Keith Urban at G’Day LA in January 2005. Remember she got the brush off from him. She went that extra step and went after him over a period of time even though he was in a relationship. Always remember Kidman started this entire thing.

That being said, Keith is at fault for giving in to the fame bug. It’s not like it isn't something he was never intimate with before. This is the man who posed for Playgirl, who painted his toe nails gold and who had some enhancing dental and possible facial work done. He knew what a stylist was and he knew how to work a room. Yes, he wanted to be famous, but Keith really does differ from Kidman. While she sought recognition for her work and played a complex game of putting herself in films that would garner notice and critical acclaim, she also used her personal life to get famous.

She didn't have enough talent to warrant consideration until she became Mrs. Tom Cruise. Keith Urban never had to date anyone to be famous. Some of you right now are differing with me. Saying that you didn't know him before Kidman hooked in to him. In the music community he was well known – he was nominated for a Grammy for an instrumental track on his first solo record. In country music, after a lot of hard work on his part, he was gaining the momentum to be a contender and to be on the track to being a country legend.

Keith always had the ability and he knew that. In a recent book on the business he talked about getting his publishing deal so that he could make money while playing because he knew once people saw him that they would like the music. He knew later on that he would have to keep them, and he said he has refined his writing habits to do that. I would disagree. His songs are not all dogs, but he has, and can do better. Kidman has seen that as she ages she is going from the young “with it” girl to a sad specimen of her past. While Keith may be in the doldrums right now, there is hope he will get out of this phase and live up to the early promise he had. Kidman can't come back.

The choice is his. Right now he isn't showing that he is interested, or is he? Let’s face it; she must be a nightmare to live with. Has he been too distracted? Time will tell, but this writer thinks he still has a career left in him.

Of houses, baby landings and the funniest trailer...

A little bit about a lot of things…

First, if you haven't noticed, some of those gals from Nashville have the funniest senses of humor. One that immediately comes to mind is sweet ole Hazel and her yak fest on local radio and her weekly vent on CMT.com. Make no mistake as to who she was aiming her June 2nd's comments. She also made a lovely remark about Kidman sitting quietly backstage while Keith played the Opry. Silly me, but hearing tales from people that were there, Ms. Hazel was being a tad bit sarcastic in her description of the demure, beautiful Kidman.

Nicole's one true love had THE Hollywood party this past weekend. Seems everyone that was anyone who wasn't working was at the big house. Everyone except Nicole. Did she expect to be invited? No, probably not. And while there really isn't very much going on to get her on the cover of People to counter Tom’s big bash, she had to do something to show she is still a contender and not just his ex wife. So what did Nicole do? She announced to the world that she put her properties in Oz up for sale. Does she have any place to live over there now? The story is that Keith and Nicole and fetus Urban are looking for something closer to her parents and her sister. Funny, but if they wanted to be so close, why not still live in the same country as they do? Seems that Antonia (not the surrogate) and the parents have been MIA lately. But they aren't really needed as such until they go back to Oz and do the “we are very happy and content as a new family” snaps. Just something to note, but wasn't it around the time that Keith found out he was going to be a daddy that they last announced they were selling property? There is something weird about the timing.

Speaking of the baby, which no one except those of us who are keeping watch are doing, it does indeed look as though this child will be an American born on U.S. soil. I still think Los Angeles but the lure of Nashville is calling. Now when she is born will we get to see her right away, or will she be like Suri and Halle Berry's daughter and invisible to the public? A prediction, as much as we have studied these two fame whores, that kid will be on the cover of People within hours of its birth along with its parents.

Keith will be playing the corporate shareholders meeting of Wal Mart on June 5th. Joining him will be former tour "mate" Carrie Underwood. Now I am not going to get on a rant about Wal Mart. I don't shop there and I won't because of their labor practices, but they are one of the worlds leading retailers of music, so I understand why he would play the gig. I mean he can still look himself in the mirror after dining with Rupert Murdoch. And he often flies in a private jet while playing those benefits for the environment, so he made his peace with his conscious long ago, didn't he? Kidman has no soul so we can't expect too much there.

If you are going to the CMA fest formerly known as Fan Fair, Keith will be making a "surprise" appearance on June 6th. In 2005, he owned that show and I just wonder if he will pull out the guns this time, too. Do go because soon he won't be out and about much, as he will be under house arrest adapting to his new role as famous daddy.

Finally, if you have been to the movies recently, you may have seen it. If you are going to a movie soon, get there in enough time to see the preview for the epic. Apparently there is a game to see how many seconds it takes before she moves her face. In the next few weeks we will be talking a bit about how it wasn't just her bad acting, but it may be Kidman trying to keep her youth that just might have ruined her career.

Postcards from the Muse.... continued