Monday, February 5, 2007

Keith Urban Files Lawsuit Against Every Other Keith Urban on Planet Earth

Keith Urban ("Keith Urban #1") has filed a lawsuit against every other Keith Urban on the face of the planet, charging that they are attempting to infringe on his name and reputation for their own profit. The recent lawsuit follows closely on the heels of last week's accusation against the owner of www.keithurban.com who is also named Keith Urban (“Keith Urban #2”) and uses his website to peddle his wares. Keith Urban #1 has demanded that Keith Urban #2 take down his website which was started in 1999, before anyone allegedly knew who Keith Urban #1 was, and is trying to effectively force him to relinquish all rights to the domain name.

A statement prepared by Keith Urban #2 on Monday was released to the press and reveals Keith Urban #2's plan to countersue Keith Urban #1 for defamation of character and emotional trauma brought on as a result of constant tabloid exposure including detailed affairs with groupies and porn stars, stints in rehab, and kiddie rides at the carnival with a shiny faced and flowery pigtailed wife who acts as if she is easily scared by people with cameras in parking garages in LA yet pulls her car off the road to scream a very unladylike “F*ck you Jamie!” at photographers while holidaying in Australia.

Keith Urban #2 cites the tabloid stories for his recent earnings downturn, nasty emails from art lovers, and the alienation of his family. When asked for a comment about the tabloid stories that have destroyed Keith Urban #2’s life, Keith Urban #1 replied with a smirk, “I don’t read them. And neither should you.”

Today it was also discovered that Keith Urban #1 also plans to sue the following websites:

www.keithurban.org
www.keithurban.co.uk
www.keithurban.edu
www.keithurban.de
www.keithurban.co.nz
and
www.keithurban.needstogetalife

along with suing 1,298 other Keith Urbans who dared to allow their parents to name them Keith Urban when they were born.

According to Keith Urban #1’s lawyer, the first leg of websites and innocent persons due to be sued has been announced but in no particular order. He requests that you check Keith Urban #1’s website every Friday through out the summer for updates and presale juror dates. Only 3 or 4 dates will be released every week. This is to keep the phone calls at the Law Office minimal so as not to cause him to work too hard on any given day as he is still dealing with the repercussions of amandawyattgate.

Once Ticketmaster begins to sell presale jury tickets, it can’t be guaranteed that you will get a spot on the jury. But maybe you might get a seat in the parking lot and you will be thankful for it or else you will be banned from the esteemed establishment for being an ungrateful demon who dared to think your $25 was worth anything to begin with!

Meanwhile we return to our initial story, where we visit with an unsuspecting 6 year old Keith Urban ("Keith Urban #3) from Minnesota, who, after our phone call, sits nervously at home with his cookies and milk, awaiting the delivery of court papers (which he knows will eventually come) accusing him of deliberately infringing on #1’s musician name and ordering that #3 change his name to Kevin or Kyle or Kiefer in addition to forking over his birth certificate that legally names him as "Keith Urban".

When we spoke to Keith Urban #3 by phone, he could only say in between sniffles and sobs and bites of oreo cookies that he hopes his dad can afford to hire him a good lawyer because he's too young to go to jail and that he also doesn't like the choice of names Keith Urban #1 picked out for him but added that he would settle for something like Rambo or G.I. Joe or Dora the Explorer.

Source: http://www.intheranch.com/2007/02/05/glad-my-name-is-not-famous/

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha! A classic!

Anonymous said...

Funny how "our" Keith Urban isn't even spelling his name the way the rest of Bob's family spells it. Maybe if he'd kept that spelling there'd be no confusion at all.....

Anonymous said...

HYSTERICAL!

Anonymous said...

Very well done. You made some excellents points. Good luck to all those other Keith Urbans out there.....LOL

Anonymous said...

Now that was funny - LMAO

Not a Keith said...

He could have saved a ton on legal fees if he just renamed his site what the world calls him now..Keith Kidman. I'd love to know how many times his "new" fans have typed that in a Google search trying to find him.

Anonymous said...

this is a scream! mr. diva greedy pants really needs the money don'tcha know?

Anonymous said...

Very Funny! I do wonder what has prompted Keith to go after the little art guy. It's been how many years now that he's had this site and Keith Urban just now decides to sue him?

It's not like he even cares about his own site. So why would he care where his fans visit?

Anonymous said...

LMAO The best thing I have read lately. All so true, you nailed it!

Keith has become a joke AND a bully! Karma is going to be a bitch worse than his wife is!

Anonymous said...

Fucking hysterical!!!

Anonymous said...

Funny because his actual last name is Urbahn, but who's keeping score anyway.

Anonymous said...

World domination by the Aussie Power Couple (copyright thingy added here)!!! How darest thou taketh thy name!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, guess she really is his new muse. See what kind of hijinx he gets into with her as his muse? He sues people now..... great karma keith.

the bunny hunter said...

Keith - you are looking like a complete idiot right now. Why don't you take the domain www.mrkidman.com because I am sure no one wants that website! Your last name isn't even Urban. Leave the real Keith Urban alone! He filed for the website before you - deal with it and move on!

Anonymous said...

"World domination by the Aussie Power Couple (copyright thingy added here)!!! How darest thou taketh thy name!!"

This is so true. Makes me wonder if Ms. Kidman wasn't behind this endeavor!

Not Buying It In Nashville said...

This is so on point!

One thing you have to say about Keith Kidman - he's learned how to be a greedy, self-centered, egotistical CELEBRITY. Those lessons from Nicold - he's taken those to heart. Very good student!

Anonymous said...

lord the man is getting completely pathetic..i hope they laugh him right out of the courtroom..or should i say his representitive..

thanks for the best laugh of the day...

Anonymous said...

He's become such a pathetic person who believes his on hype.

I wonder what is up next under his sleeve of tricks?

Now I know why he married her, he's just as mentally dilluted.

How long before he ends up on some D rated celeb has been reality show? What a hack!

Anonymous said...

This is the best thing I have read about Keith Kidman since he contracted, um, I mean married that woman!

Anonymous said...

this is soo funny! keith has become such a loser.

Anonymous said...

In all seriousness, Keith's folks are sueing because his name will soon be trademarked.

Anonymous said...

You'd think that his PR person would be complaining to the business people that this is a nightmare for him, I mean he already had to spin the Amanda and Rehab stuff, now Keith looks like bully beating up on the little kid on the play ground. Why don't they just offer this guy an insane amount of money for the .com address and make this all go away? This is business, Keith unless someone hasn't reminded you of this, the genre of music you are classified in is Country music. Your records sell to the masses of working class people, that aren't going to feel good about you beating up on a little guy who is just trying to make a buck. This is not a good business decision and could turn into a media nightmare.

Anonymous said...

What? No new blog today after the SNL appearance? You skeptic types are slacking big time.....

Anonymous said...

Damn! Looks like we have more bunny droppings. Clean up on aisle pathetic!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
What? No new blog today after the SNL appearance? You skeptic types are slacking big time.....

He did fine on SNL...maybe a bit tentative, but NK's drained his self confidence. Hopefully, he will feel better about himself after a few more live shows. Sounds like YOU thought SNL was deserving of some negative feedback...don't you have a heart...they guys out of rehab for less than a month and is filling a prestigious spot on national TV. If he's nervous...I'll give him a break. Chicago was great ... Keith was back. NK was absent. Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Quote: "What? No new blog today after the SNL appearance? You skeptic types are slacking big time.....:

WTF???? Skeptic types??? What is a skeptic TYPE? I AM A SKEPTIC!